After being sexually assaulted a couple of times (rape and then

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Jesus Christ, how the fuck did that happen?

>>18497978
Please disregard this shithead >>18497983
Take it slow, please. You've been through a lot and it's understandable that you're slow to trust people. What has your therapist said about this?

>>18497985
I was gullible and naive around men and let myself get into dangerous situations where they could take advantage of me

As a teenager I was teased by boys for being too ugly, so I always thought guys would never be attracted to me, so I got raped when I failed to notice the signs of a guy wanting to have sex with me, which then lead me to me being raped

I'm more wary around men now, I learned my lesson

>>18497978
The only thing I can think of to say is don't hook up with people at bars or on Tinder. That shit is hollow.

>>18497983
This.

>>18497990
She says I'm being irrational to think of all men as dangerous psychopaths with no feelings, that I'm generalising

And while intellectually I can see that she's right, emotionally I still dislike and am scared of men

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>>18497993
Did you not say no?

>>18497983
This is unfortunately true. Rape is, for women, the equivalent of "being born ugly" for men. It will always, always, always cause people who end up with you to view themselves as having settled for you.
Sorry.
>>18497990
If she needed whiteknighting she wouldn't be on 4chan.

>>18497993
No, this is not on you. The people who did this to you chose to victimize you. It was never, ever your fault ever. Look, maybe you're not up for dating right now. Also, your therapist should be helping you work on getting better. The fact that you still think it's all your fault does not indicate that you're healing.
Heal first, then maybe think about dating. Remember, you're not worthless and it was never, ever your fault.

fucking hell that's awful

I don't trust women after interacting with enough so I get where you're coming from

>>18497978
>near rape
What?

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Well you know what they say, fool me once and all that.

>>18497983
>>18497990
>>18498004
Don't tell any of the guys that you've been raped.
Sorry to sound like an unsympathetic psycho, but it's the truth: as soon as you say the "r" word, any nice guy is going to look at you not as "damaged goods" as >>18497983 said but as "such fragile goods that I can't bear to touch them lest I damage them." He'll never love you as much as he would if he were not afraid of damaging you.

>>18498021
Wow, that's terrible advice. Withholding something like that from a romantic partner is something that can and will break a relationship. My advice to OP is to find a nice beta manlet who will put up with the fact that he's dating damaged goods. There are plenty of people willing to settle.

>>18498023
No, this is terrible advice:
https://goodmenproject.com/social-justice-2/social-justice-how-bdsm-helped-a-rape-survivor-recover/
Keeping secrets from your romantic partners is just part of life. /adv/ likes to pretend that all love is absolutely honest, but we all lie to our partners and ourselves.

>>18498010
It means a man glanced in her general direction for a split second

>>18498040
lol

>>18497998
>She says I'm being irrational to think of all men as dangerous psychopaths with no feelings, that I'm generalising
DESU that IS true. Insisting to yourself that we're all the same is just going to make it harder to tell who's what.

>>18497978
genuine question for a rape victim
would you have called it rape if the dude who assaulted you was 6'4", handsome, ripped and had a huge dick?

>>18498078
>ripped and had a huge dick
That would just make it hurt worse

>>18498086
No, no. You misunderstand what I mean.
Would you have called it rape if it had been a man who you literally could not get better than if you tried?

>How can you get men to like you rather than want to harm you and use you?
It will be quite hard in your case, because you've been used so many times and you mental state seems to be rather fragile and men can detect these things and use you. To put it simply, you are an easy target. So your best bet is to avoid dating apps/services and try to meet more guys in more friendly and less sex/dating oriented environments (school, volunteering jobs, chess clubs or such) and try to form a friendship first. That way you'll get a chance to get to know the guys better and determine whether you can trust them or not.

>>18498089
If the best a woman can do is a rapist then it's pointless to keep looking

>>18497998
>>18498073
To be fair it is not entirely irrational to feel fear towards men when the most brutal events in your life have all been forced upon you by men.

Having said that your intellectual knowledge and the anon are right, you only fuck yourself over by lumping them together. Take baby steps to leave your comfort zone and slowly work up to feeling like you can let your guard down around someone. Don't expect yourself to happily fall for someone tomorrow.

Also as shitty as it is, realize that especially if you show a lot of "damaged" behavior (being skittish around men primarily), you are going to put off the good men and attract those who are into that. It depends mostly on your own way of carrying yourself and what impression you make what kind of people attempt to impress you. So be mindful of that and keep a very close eye on red flags.

>>18498089
Yes my man, it still would be rape. As long she's not interested in having sex and you force her to have sex with you, it's rape. Doesn't matter if the attacker is a chad or a salty spineless beta faggot like yourself.

Of courses chances are a guy who is "6'4", handsome, ripped and had a huge dick" won't really resort to raping a person because he can easily charm girl's panties off without making it a criminal case

>>18498089
Not OP and have thankfully never been raped, but have been assaulted.

The man's looks have nothing at all to do with it. Guys who try to frame it as "bad sex" don't realize the psychological impact of someone physically pushing themselves on you. If a guy is groping the shit out of you while you struggle to get away, all that you feel is a non-verbal "you don't matter, you matter so little that you don't get a say in what happens to the most personal and private that you own, fuck you". It is extreme disrespect. THAT'S what's so bad, not that someone is touching a naughty spot when you don't want them to. Someone trampling all over your most intimate boundaries and giving zero fucks.

Compare it to a woman hitting a man or whatever. It might not hurt in the slightest if she's not particularly strong and not trained. But underlying it shows an attitude and perception of him that can cut very deeply regardless of whether the blow itself did any damage.

why are people taking this thread seriously?

>>18498089
>>18498078

Everytime I go on Tumblr I get pissed off when people use the term rape culture, or other shit.

Then I get out into the real world and see that a lot of shit feminists talk about is actually legit. Are you seriously so pathetic to think that a guy who is conventionally good looking can go around raping women and have it not be considered rape? Or that women are so frigid that any sex with a man who is unvoncentional looking would immediately be considered rape?

Get your head out of your ass.

>>18498101
Shit, forgot to add that I was thinking of a woman hitting her partner obviously, not some random guy.

>>18498008
>It's never the girl's fault!
oh boy here we go

>>18498106
>are you seriously so pathetic to think that a guy who is conventionally good looking can go around raping women and have it not be considered rape
yeah, I can. what do you consider rape? a girl saying "no" initially, then warming up to it?

Can someone explain to me how anyone can get pleasure from having sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you back?

As a guy, this is mind-blowing to me.

>>18498108
how dare you, you're a fucking idiot if you think women should be responsible for their own safety and avoid potentially dangerous situations

>>18498111
I guess they enjoy the power trip and dominating people

>>18498114
It's not like the rapists aren't scum but saying shit like that just reminds me of the whores I see walking around the streets at 1am, obviously drunk and ditched by friends at a bar.

>>18498111
It's rape, the psychos get off and they run away

>>18498111
not really into actual rape, because it seems dry and uncomfortable, but here's my take on consent for what it's worth
for me, it's the best feeling in the world to get a frigid, prudish girl, who says she doesn't want to have sex with you, to say that she wants to have sex with you. usually that means ignoring her when she says "no" until she starts saying "yes"
the people who say "no means no" strike me as people who don't understand the nonverbal cues that indicate a girl's desire to fuck (i.e. these beta dudes have never had sex). stuff like a girl getting really wet and moaning
a girl may find that she enjoys the sex once a man has gotten past the barrier of getting into a sexual position with her

>>18498000
Trips of truth! Let's just assume this is a rhetorical question, OP is a dumb bitch that can't say no

>>18498111
My understanding is that most men have one of these two attitudes. Either they have complete cognitive dissonance and are convinced that as long as they get to show her love, she'll like it, like them and so on. These are obviously often more the "quiet" rapes where the victim is crying or whatever but not physically struggling, and is someone they know.

Then there's the category of men who are either full on sadists who would not get off nearly as much if they felt like the woman enjoyed it, and to a lesser extent, men who rationalize it with hateful ways of thinking (like "this uppity bitch feels too good for me, if my face was more handsome she'd been all over me and now she acts like I'm dirt, fuck her") so it's kind of like hatefucking.

>>18498130
raping someone is a shitty thing to do, nobody argues that. but to say someone is 100% innocent just because they're a victim doesn't make sense either. have the fucking balls to analyze a situation in its entirety, you know what i mean? i'm just as tired of seeing that mentality as you.

>>18498102
Why do people take rape seriously at all? We may never know.

However, this is thread is fairly mundane compare to some of the other shit from today.

>>18498144
let me tell you something, anon. your understanding is wrong. i know it can be difficult to think for yourself and discern which forms of media are full of shit, but you just said "most men are rapists in one for or the other."

>>18498133
>the people who say "no means no"
There's a huge difference between a girl acting coy, flirting, whatever, and earnestly saying no.

The signs you talk about are also pretty shady. Getting wet just happens when you fiddle with her bits and don't do an awful job. That doesn't mean that she wants to have sex or is psychologically turned on, just that her body is preparing for sex that seems about to happen.

It is also not up to you to decide for someone else that they "may" like it once they're already doing it. I bet you would physically enjoy getting your prostate pounded at the right angle but that doesn't give any man the right to get you there because he knows you'll love it once the action has started.

>>18498154
Given the post I replied to I didn't go out of my way (enough, apparently) to point out that I was talking about men who rape and not men being half of mankind.

>>18498155
listen, if a gay dude can manage to get me shitfaced enough to fuck me in the ass, I deserve it
I say all that stuff from the perspective of having a girlfriend who really enjoys having sex and tells me no all the time, then tells me how much she enjoys having done it afterward

>>18498164
You never blacked out in your life?

Also sure, but in a relationship there is a level of trust and understanding that is a far cry from getting with someone for the very first time. In a relationship it's also completely normal to put your hand on their crotch out of nowhere. You cannot really take that as a universal guideline when the very premise is that you like and trust each other much more than you do most others.

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>>18498157
i apologize, i'm a little drunk and didn't fully read what you were replying to. carry on.

>>18498164
Not him but...
1. It's your gf, that's different.
2. There are different "no"'s.

Why can't you grasp something so simple?

>>18498111
It's not about getting pleasure. Or rather, it's not a rational decision to undertake actions because they would lead to a pleasurable outcome. It's more like a compulsion. It's a fact that it's often the same women that get raped, repeatedly. And part of the reason is that something in their behavior, the way they carry themselves etc. trigger something in the heads of potential rapists.

>>18498172
No problem, happens to all of us.

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Date the chubby guy. But you won't. You'll continue to go with the "bad boys" picking up dates at bars and clubs, completely dumbfounded why you're treated like trash. Eventually you'll get old enough to where they don't even want you anymore, that's only when you date the "good" guy then you take it all out on him for the rest of your life.

>>18498180
That pic really makes me hate the majority of women because i sense there's some truth to it.

>>18498174
>There are different "no's"
>This isn't difficult to understand!

From a legal and logical aspect this makes no sense. And you can rape your girlfriend or wife.

>>18497978
Though we often think of rape as a psychopathic behaviour, most rapists do not have anti-social personality disorder. In fact, scores on the hostile sexism scale are a much more common trait of rapists than psychopathy. People high in hostile sexism are also more prone victim blaming.

The concerning fact is that the profile of a rapist isn't usually that of a mental or personality disorder. They are actually fairly normal. It's typically the man in the dirty coat hiding in the bushes. It's people's friends, relatives, teachers, coworkers, etc.

The good news: most men are not rapists. An extremely small proportion of men rape.

>>18498194
In a court case they aren't just going to look at your accounts of what happened, but also whether there's tissue from your skin under her fingernails, she has vaginal tearing/chafing, whether you have blood or tissue under your fingernails, whether the neighbors heard yelling or arguing, whether there's bruises etc etc etc.

>>18497978
real quick question if this is actually real. why the fuck do you think 4chan is a good place for advice. its just gonna make you hate men more to be on here. talk to that therapist of yours who you're paying for good advice

>>18498212
inb4 op gets raped by her therapist because she never saw it coming from a girl.

>>18498194
For fucks sake. There's a difference between a girl giggling while saying "no" which doesn't account to rape unless her attitude changes, and an evident no , based on her facial expression, intonation, etc. Don't be a fucking autist.

>>18498209
Because they did that for the Bill Cosby case. Oh wait, they didn't, because the woman claimed it happened fucking 20 years ago.

>>18498230
It's like you're implying women have never claimed rape even by simply regretting it the morning after.

>>18498243
>the woman
Cosby had well over twenty women account of him assaulting them, and had admitted himself to drugging women. http://variety.com/2015/biz/news/bill-cosby-admits-to-drugging-women-for-sex-report-1201534649/

Also if you want to read some actual stats on how often and why women claim rape when that didn't happen:
https://qz.com/980766/the-truth-about-false-rape-accusations/
Full of sources, too.

I don't think rape victims are "used goods." That implies that a woman's worth is determined entirely by her sexual history. You have much more to offer.

My advice: start small. Start by compelling yourself to go to the male cashier, rather than the female cashier. Hang out with a female friend and a male friend she knows well and had vouched for, and see if you can become comfortable hanging out with this person alone (as friends, I'm not saying to have somebody set you up). Maybe you will only be able to do this in public places, and not in concealed places, at first.

Being up the idea of exposure therapy with your therapist. If they are female, they might still be able to get a male colleague to help you with trust exercises. Hugging, falling backward and counting on him catching you, etc.

Good luck.

Always archive
https://archive.is/Gkszd
https://archive.is/t5jwr

>>18498243
Well to be honest i stop no matter how she says no because it's a complete turnoff for me. You either want the dick or you can fuck off. But there is a difference.

>>18498209
What if she didn't resist or scream because she was too scared? No bruises, no vaginal tearing, no bleeding, etc.

>>18498265
I'm not a legal professional myself but I'm sure there would be more to look for. Like people who saw them recently and can testify how they acted towards each other and whether they seemed heading for affection or for a fight, asking people about the accused guy's temper and whether he did violent things in the past etc.

Let's be realistic though, most rapes that do leave ample evidence don't get solved to begin with. So the most realistic scenario is that there won't come anything of it, I just don't doubt there would be more to try.

>>18498260
>I stop no matter how she says no
lmao beta

>>18498180
>>18498188
You wouldn't have any problem if you set your eyes on good women. But you don't, you put your efforts on mundane hollow whores and that's what you get in return. You want women that have lots of make up, long polished nails, and use wonder bra, that talk t you about dicks, and threesomes and get drunk while talking about dragon ball. You get what you deserve.

>>18498274
When you're drunk and pounding her while she only single again for a few days and you can see she starts to cry you know its time to stop or she'll have a trauma. I don't feel beta for stopping. I feel beta because i didnt calculate the situation accurately that it was too soon to fuck her.

>>18498284
long nails are gross af tbhfam.

>>18498290
So true. I dont understand why girls think menlike this.

Also, the only girl i knkw that knew dragonball was a nerd, but she had a fine figure and big titties tho

>>18498298
I don't know any girls who think men pay attention to how they paint their nails. It's just something that makes them feel put together.

>>18498290
But that's what men are after. They complain about women being cold bitches because that's the kind of girls they want. They go for the attention whores on social media and even the sex friends of their own male friends. They'll even ruin their already existent relationships for whores with cleaveage. And then cry out loud "women are petty creatures".

>>18497983
As a man, I wish you and people like you vanish

>>18497978
Those men profiled you as a good victim, just like car thieves tend to go after Hondas. All predators choose their prey, they don't act randomly.

Was there any events in your upbringing besides the teasing that might have contributed to you putting yourself back in those situations?

>>18497978

Most of the "advice" these fools are giving you is terrible advice.

First of all. Being raped sucks. I'm not a lady but I've known a few. Most of them nearly died as the result. Since not all rapes are "just sex" and being sad as all these neckbeards will think.

...

DO NOT TELL future boyfriends about being raped. NOT for a long time. You tell them about being raped there's two things that will happen.

1). They will think you are easy. YES. They will see you as weak ( Male stupidity ) Not all males but you risk yourself again.

2). They will find you gross/slutty and similar. ( Yes seriously. )

I am a well mannered brought upright male. Good job, no bills, car/home/travel/mix of good and shitty hobbies. But. If someone told me they been raped after dating for less than a year. I'd drop them right out.

Whereas, if I dated someone for more than a year. Odds are I care about them. If they told me about being raped. I'd be angry ( moreso ) at the moron rather than her. Again. Not all guys will think like this you still risk losing a partner.

But. NEVER tell so soon. Get to know them. Simple as that.

>>18498727
I dunno, if I found out somebody I was seeing were a rape victim, I wouldn't see them as slutty or damaged or whatever. My concern would have more to do with if we were sexually compatible. Like, if sex is associated with a traumatic event for her, will she even enjoy it? Will she have flashbacks and freak out right in the middle? Would she have sex with me just because she though I would leave her if she didn't, despite not enjoying the sex herself?

I'd be torn between the cruelty of leaving somebody who is otherwise compatible with me because of how it might complicate sex and not work with my needs, and also this kind of "healer" complex where I want to be the one who "saves her" and make her happy again.

Evencifci decided to leave, it would never be a judgement of her character. Just a decision based on the logistics of making the relationship work.

>>18497978
As a married man, I can say that my wife not being an absolute shrieking cunt was a huge point in her favor as was her being able to understand my sesquipedalian loquaciousness.

Seriously, if you're attracting rapists, find out why. Do some soul searching. Something about you is putting off vibes that make rapists' GHB pills shake in their skin-tight pockets.

Get a mace. Mace them.