I am in a very bad place now. I'd be dead by now if I didn't

that's a nice react.

care to elaborate? most threads up atm are pretty bad, so you're welcome to talk to us.

>>18495672
>I bet everything on what I tried to do.

Congrats, you're more alive than most. True failure is to never have made the effort. Try again until you get a little traction, then exploit the shit out of that.

>>18495687
I graduated highschool literally at the top of my class.
I went to college.
Somewhere in there I fucked up and broke down.
I went into reclusion for a few months

I got out. I did good. I went to college again.
I got a degree half-assed like in fucking social sciences.

I graduated top of my class with a useless fucking degree.
No jobs.

So I decided to go military. Because they at least can appreciate the bottom dregs of intelligent people.

I join up a year ago. They say wait a year.
So I do.
I barely scrape by for a year without a job or a future. Or anything at all to live for.

Now they tell me "Sorry, we're full".
I waited 18 months for that fucking message. I gave up everything to hear that.

I'm so done.
Everyone told me I was supposed to be something.
I have a mensa fucking certificate from when I was 13.
Now I can't even get a fucking menial labour job.
All I can see when I sleep is everyone saying "Your'e going to do something special".

>>18495694
FUCK you.
Fuck "feelings".
I tried.
I kept trying.

But it wasn't even worth anything.
Now I'm old enough so that I can't compete.
Why ever hire a 29 year old when you can hire a 16 year old?
We have the same experience.

I mean given blank slates, I'm gonna die in 20 years. He'll die in 30 years.
Better to hire the younger person.
I'm fucking extraneous

>>18495726
>>18495715
You're underachieving.

>better to hire the younger person
a. what job do you want to do?

b. nobody wants a list of references dating back ten years.

>>18495741
>a. what job do you want to do?
Anything.
Fucking anything worth something
I just don't want to wash dishes any more.
I have 15 years washing dishes and sweeping floors.
No more.
Never again.

I can calculate a fucking 6th degree area under a 7th degree curve in 5 minutes. I can memorize a 30 digit string in a minute. I can do ANYTHING if only anyone asked me to.
No one asked me to
I have no history of people asking me to.

I know I'm underachieving. I just can't find any way to fucking "achieve".

I'm so tired.

>>18495753
>I can do ANYTHING if only anyone asked me to

Can you do me a favor and form a mutually beneficial role between you and society, one that is fulfilling and healthy for you? thanks.

>>18495778
Yeah sure
And how do I do that?

Go ahead
Spell that the fuck out for me.

you pathetic self loathing piece of shit go and do something with your life, the military is never full, try enlisting or go do whatever the fuck you want. you can do anything you have no responsibilities and all you sit here and do is go on this board and complain about how you were supposed to be something.

>>18495785
well what do you want in life?

When no one will hire you, hire yourself. Start your own business, or get a license in something where you're basically freelancing/your own boss. Developing apps or websites is one example. You're smart enough to pick up coding. Don't think about being behind the people who picked it up earlier. I've personally seen people who didn't go to college for it try it for the first time and find work. It's still an obstacle to find your own clients, but its an option.

There are also careers that people switch to in middle age (real estate agent is one), and if they can, you can. Then there are careers that are basically tested into. You're apparently good at testing. Some entry level government jobs chose whoever scores highest- no experience necessary, and a college degree in an impractical subject is better than no degree. While you're doing that entry level job, you can be getting whatever degree or certification you need to promote to the next level. You're not too old for this. I've seen people in their 40's do it.

It's hard and frustrating, I'm sorry. You're not alone, though.

>>18495830
Retard
You need at least 200,000 + dollars in order to start a local business
How is a regular person supposed to do that?

>>18495855
If you've got such a big brain, try putting it to something positive instead of wallowing in depression all the time. The only one who can keep you from shooting yourself in the foot and wasting your life is you.

You want the world to mend your problem for you, and for it to give you another chance (which it probably will, if you put the effort forth), all while you're being rude to people who are trying to help you for free?

Piss off
I'm a different anon, btw

>>18495855
also these >>18495810, >>18495830 posters had some pretty good points, but all you did was pick out the faulty point and then get shitty about it

you did this to yourself. fix it or don't. I don't care.

>>18495830
>>18495886
Sorry.
I'm drunk and angry.
I just ruined part of my computer.

I just don't know what to do.
I spent so much of my emotional credit on believing that I'd make it in my current path.

Now that that has dropped off, I just... All I have left is either to be angry or to kill myself.

>>18495855
What are you talking about? I'm not saying to open a storefront. I do design work myself, which is why I suggested something that's intangible (doesn't require physical products). You don't even have to go through the process of incorporation if you want to start out under your own name. I'm just assuming he already has a computer, and there are free software options.

>>18495891
You're right.

I'm just not in a position to really receive any advice.
I think I'm going to sleep for a long while.

>>18495715
don't worry buddy, you're going to do something special i'm sure of it.

>>18495893
maybe you should stop drinking. drinking sucks the life out of you

>>18495915
I know it does.
I feel that it does

But it's the only thing that brings me something close to happiness.

What am I going to do? Sit in total boredom and watch how the rest of the world does things?

Drinking allows for a short time where I can forget who I am. Forget that I missed every opportunity. Forget that everyone is laughing at me if they knew what I've done.

It's just now at the end where all the held back emotions come rushing into me.
It's worth it. Just so I can feel ok for a bit.

>>18495895
I have depression too. There are days when even restocking my groceries is a huge effort.

My only advice on the depression is to keep fighting it, to keep trying to get in a better state where you are not as depressed. This means doing somethings that is more uplifting than washing dishes. This means avoiding drinking and other things that are downers.

Even if you rarely get fully functioning, make the most of the moments you are functioning. Do something really special in those moments, like being a good friend to someone, or making something you are proud of.

The point in life is not to be traditionally successful. The point is to be fulfilled. Figure out what you might want out of life, and go for it. You're right, spending time on the chan or drinking or scrubbing dishes is just a waste. You deserve better.

>>18495895
>>18495930
for example my motivation to go to work is to get enough money for a gaming computer and a few musical instruments, because that's what is fulfilling to me.

I also have dreams of becoming a doctor, because that would be awesome. If I am not cut out for it, maybe some other kind of medical professional. There is always good money in that.

I'm still young and living on my own, so I'm not sure what kind of school I can afford yet.

Even when I am so depressed I can't accomplish anything, I try to write stories or listen to classic music and watch classic films. It's enriching and it makes me not want to have sleazy sex or drink.

Hopefully this offers you some perspective. I hope you feel better.

>>18495930
>>18495938
I've BEEN through this before.
I've done that dance.
That was 7 years ago.

I said I was going to do something. I was gonna make something out of my new life.

I know how to get out of a "depression".
I've done it before.

But that's not what's over me now. What I feel now is a sober depression-free thought.
I am never going to be what I thought I was going to be.
I am never going to be what my parents hoped I'd be.
Everyone said I was going to do something special.

I'm 29 years old. I'm done trying. I've tried so much. I got myself out of one depression hole. I went back to college. I've done 6 years of "high education".

The only future that I see myself for is washing dishes with 2 fucking bachelor degrees. That is not worth living. That is NEVER worth living.

My back up was the military. And they never even bothered to tell me that I failed.

>>18495895
>>18495930
>>18495938
also film and photography. it's a relatively cheap way to stay occupied and creative, to keep things moving inside a brain that wants to fizzle out.

smart people are usually decent at film and photography if they put their minds to it, more so than music which also takes a lot of liveliness and effort.

but you have to acknowledge depressed rock musicians that are good like nine inch nails and arcade fire to give some popular examples

okay rant over

>>18495954
You can't pay rent with film and photography

>>18495947
>What I feel now is a sober depression-free thought
>The only future that I see myself for is washing dishes with 2 fucking bachelor degrees

that might be a dangerous mistake, thinking you no longer deal with depression

>>18495963
I came out of it once.
A major part of that impetus was the realization that I was still young. I had a whole future ahead of me.

Now I'm not young. There is no future for me. I just had it proved to me. The fucking bottom barrel rejected me.

The best I can hope to achieve is manager at a fucking Walmart.

Why even bother to live with that type of life? Oh wait, my family is still alive.
I can hopefully outlast my parents. They don't need to know how much more I fucked up.

My dad is even telling me that I need to settle. And he hopes for me once. It's bad enough to think how much I disappointed myself. I can't imagine how he feels.

I'm going to bed now.

I don't know what I'll do in the future.
I have nothing to look forward to.

Goodbye. Thank you for being here.

>>18496009
G'night, anon