Long post, bear with me. I'm torn between several ways

Continuation:

From here I thought about what emotions I would like to feel, and came up with several. It doesn't especially matter what they are. To attain them, I can employ several methods. For example, let's take something easy... One feeling I want to experience is companionship, and I've found that listening to certain music while daydreaming of appropriate situations can make me feel it. Another way, of course, would be to find a friend or someone you highly trust and relate to in real life. Although, not all emotions I want to experience appear possible to attain in real life. Either way, if you want to maximize efficiency when striving towards your life goal, you'd probably want to use the most effective method. What I find is that daydreaming, at times while listening to music, is this method for me. Endeavoring to attain a certain feeling by acting in the real world generally takes far more effort, while providing a very short-lived emotion that fades away quickly and requires yet more effort to recapture.

Consequently, what I should be striving for is a lifestyle that barely provides for my basic needs and leaves the rest of the time for daydreaming. However, taking the plunge and in fact carrying out such a lifestyle is frightening for me, and I cling to trying to achieve these emotions through other means. I strive to do "productive" things, ones that have more of an impact on the real world, as I would feel guilty "indulging" in daydreaming, even though it's supposed to be my life purpose. I end up torn between doing things that society at large would consider fruitful, having days I spend languishing in bed trying to will myself into doing those things, as well as days where I spend the whole time fantasizing. The disconnect between what I believe and fear versus what I think I should do makes my current existence miserable.

Continued in next post.

Continuation:

This forces me to reconsider everything. Perhaps there is an inconsistency somewhere, or I neglected to consider some possibility. For example, is spending my whole life daydreaming a form of hedonism, and would it cease to produce for me the emotions I want eventually? Do I need to manually incorporate some amount of suffering into my life purpose? Does fantasizing about suffering fulfill this condition?

What should I do? More importantly, how do I perform the actions needed to pursue the course I decide on (Taking the plunge if I decide on the daydreaming plan, or somehow acquiring the necessary willpower to do "productive" things)?

you're over thinking this. how old are you?

>>18494753
I knew someone was going to say that. I'm twenty.

>>18494757

then stop acting like a thirteen year old trying to sound smart.

>>18494751

the 'inconsistency' you are trying to find isn't an inconsistency. its just you being retarded.

your thought process is basically
>I'm alive
>i want purpose
>therefore i hsould distill 'purpose' down to one single act with the intent of getting one single result.
>BUT IM CONFLICTED CUZ I WANT TO DO OTHER THIGNS

stop trying to distill your life ot a single purpose for a single out come. just because you love pizza doesn't mean you eat nothing but pizza. you still eat other things because you enjoy it and try new thigns to see what else you enjoy, and eat things you enjoy less because they make having the thing you love most worth it.

TL;dr live a normal fucking life instead of striving for some singular idea of 'emotion'

>>18494776
>therefore i hsould distill 'purpose' down to one single act with the intent of getting one single result.

Well, what is the reason for doing anything else? I don't want to do other things, since I have to force myself to do them and it's a struggle to keep doing them for any prolonged period of time.

Right now I'm actually not living for a single purpose, since I do both of the things I described earlier. It only brings me suffering. This is why I'm trying to decide on only one thing I should do, so as to minimize internal strife.

I don't think your pizza example makes sense. If I'm craving pizza, why I should I force myself to eat something else instead?

>>18494802

>well what is the reason for doing anyting else

the reasons you described in your own fucking post.

stop describing every day life as 'force myself to do them and struggle and bring me suffering'.

>i dont think your pizza example makes sense.

it does because you describe your own journey here as someone who wants to do NOTHING BUT DAYDREAM all day because it makes you happy but then how it doesn't lead to full happiness down the road.

chill out, do ALL the different things you want to do, and pay the price that comes with it. if having to pay your dues is too much go do charity work for a month and see how you feel after that.

>>18494802
At least you have a purpose to live for. The only reason I haven't offed myself is because my family would be devastated. I hate life and everything about it.

>>18494834
>the reasons you described in your own fucking post.
Then, I should succumb to my fears and keep doing things I don't think I should be doing? From my experience, this usually doesn't lead anywhere nice. I don't want to be controlled by my fears.

>stop describing every day life as 'force myself to do them and struggle and bring me suffering'.
Why? That's how it is, and me lying to you about enjoying something, when in fact I don't, doesn't seem like it would create a better foundation for you to give advice based on.

>wants to do NOTHING BUT DAYDREAM
I don't think I said that. I want to feel certain emotions, and the most efficient way I've found of doing that so far would be daydreaming. You believe that is not a good way to go about it, from what I gather, but you haven't explained why.

>do ALL the different things you want to do
All I want is to feel certain emotions. I don't want to "do" anything. I want to daydream all day if it's the best way to make me feel those emotions, I suppose.

>>18494747
Nice image, that's my favorite VN, also he's a husbando.

Anyways, you are right, life has no purpose so don't bitch about that, you are nothing, meaningless BUT so we are all here.
You have to build a purpose and all the shit they tell you on motivational speeches.

>>18494747
Read up on the Existentialists. To oversimplify, they say there are no given meanings and purposes to life, but that you can create one for yourself, just out of determination to do so. And because you can, there is a moral obligation to do it, because not defining and taking responsibility for your life is cowardly.

It sounds from your account that you'd find a lot to agree with there.

>>18496069
>You have to build a purpose
That's what I'm trying to do, I think.

>>18496529
I'll look into it, thanks.