/adv/ I have the strangest fucking relationship with a girl going

>>18488669
>this time she's doing the usual thing, she's online but doesn't respond, i basically threatened to cancel the tickets i ordered months ago for visiting her NEXT WEEK, tell her that she leaves me no choice but to start genuinely hating her, no response
>until recently we were both seemingly looking forward to me visiting again, we planned to go out and do shit, and we both intend to see how we feel about getting together again
>right now i don't know if it's even worth it, she insists time and time again that she loves me and at least needs to stay as friends, but i see zero value in just being friends with someone that never responds and whose online name just gives me anxiety
It's like the OBVIOUS choice is to just give her up and move on, but I fucking can't and I don't know why. I lied about "canceling" the tickets to visit her - they're uncancelable because the only train company in the country is garbage, so my only choice is to not go and lose those almost $100, plus I'd never get that chance to see if it could work again.

I'm deathly frustrated.

>>18488673
How fat is she OP? I'm guessing very fat I'd she is playing WoW

You know you have to stop talking to this chick OP. End this chapter of your life and start the next one.

>>18488673
She really sounds like she would be a terrible partner and not much of a friend.

My guess is that you're holding on because you don't see any other opportunity to have a romantic relationship.

If you want to be her friend, accept that her bullshit behavior is who she is and don't have any expectations of anything better. As far as romance goes, you should think about what sort of behavior you want from a partner you'd like, and whether or not you're likely to get that from her.

I think you should look elsewhere. That means being willing to make an effort and being willing to face rejection. Some people would rather keep chasing what they know is a dead end.

>>18488712
At least 20lb too much for my liking, and refuses to do anything about it no matter how often I've tried to bring her with me for something as small as going for a walk.
Pretty bad hygiene, she's out of nowhere become the type who "doesn't have to stay pretty for anyone but herself", which just makes me feel like she doesn't care about me either. Yet she insists and insists again that I matter, and that she's just admittedly very bad at showing it, and I don't fucking know anymore.
Her apartment's gotten worse almost every time I've been there, even though I try to clean up the worst for her. Last time I spent a few hours filling trashbags and dumping them; well mostly empty boxes, not stuff like food remains, but irritating nonetheless.
She has two cats. Neither of them like me, and one of them leaves hair all over the fucking place. She doesn't care for where their cat-sand goes, bits of it cover large parts of the livingroom. Literally every time I've visited since we separated I've complained that she must at least wash the fucking bedsheets, because I have to sleep with clothes on because getting cat hair on my body is digusting to me, and she doesn't comply.

I can't even bring myself to talk to her about any of this shit again. It just makes her tear up and/or completely ignore me.

>>18488726
The worst part is that she used to be amazing. For the first two years we literally did everything together, we had huge plans for our future (despite me fucking up and eventually straight up skipping appointments because of laziness/anxiety).
Up until just the last year or so, even after we broke up she was still my best friend by miles.
She's so far the ONLY person I've personally wanted to put effort- and trust in.

Thinking about it, I guess the only thing we really have left is how we can joke about absolutely anything and laugh whole-heartedly together. And nothing has kept my interest in a person more than when they made me laugh, I guess except for times like today I can look past everything else if I know that they'll make me laugh.
It's pretty much guaranteed that if I visit her, I will have a lot of pure, immature, couple-like fun. But all of my other problems won't go away just because I laugh.

>>18488728
Figures. She most likely has mental issues she is going through that will never be solved, since she doesn't even care to work on them. Honestly OP, it would take years of work on this girl to see any meaningful result. Like I said, you just got to close this chapter of your life and start the next one. We are here for you OP

>>18488750
I'm reading with and even largely agreeing on what you're saying, but I feel a deep, puke-like sick feeling from the consideration passing my mind.

As mentioned above, visiting her guarantees a fun time, most of the time visiting at least.
And as much as this is true, I'm also absolutely convinced that I'll guarantee an emotional void if I quit on her for good. I'm on medication these days, but the times where my mind has slipped closest to suicide has been around when I've "concluded" before that I should break up. Instead I just sleep it off and feel too emotionally numb to talk with anyone for days, or until I feel like just saying hi to her again or something.
I don't think I'd ever actually commit suicide, even attempt to, because I fear death more than loneliness. But I can already tell from how I work as a person that breaking up with her would make me spiral down into quitting my job on a whim and lie in bed all day again instead.

I forgot to mention that I live with my parents again since we separated. I've looked for apartments but never even had a chance to be selected so far. My job is awful and really easy, any ape could do it as good as me.

You've barely said anything positive about her in all your text walls, aside from the fact that you're comfortable around her and have inside jokes (which will happen with virtually anybody you know for long enough). You're not in love with her. Putting more energy in her is pointless.

Was she your first girlfriend? Meeting through a video game suggests to me that you may be the nerdy, introverted type. Maybe I'm reading too far into this, but you probably didn't date or flirt a lot in your youth, did you? It's understandable that you would think that the first girl to give you attention is special, and to not want to let go of her.

But here's the thing: there will be better women for you. And if you weren't popular with the ladies in the past, that doesn't mean you're not good enough for a meaningful connection, it just means you were shy and didn't put yourself out there enough for anything to happen.

Having had been in a relationship will give you more confidence this time around. You know you are capable of being with somebody, and you have a better idea of what you want in a partner, and what you need to give to a partner.

When you find the right relationship, you'll look back and wonder why you ever pined for this chick.

You are probably too hurt right now to continue to be friends with her, but you can always re-engage when you are distances from this pain and can value her without resentment. Or maybe you'll never be friends again, and this is the end of your relationship with her, be it romantic or platonic. Time will tell.