So I'm writing this because I have no idea what to do.

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So I'm writing this because I have no idea what to do.
My gf and I broke up this new years after almost 9 years of being together. She wasn't my first relationship but as far as I can tell she is the only one I have ever actually loved.

It wasn't great for a long while, as in no sex for the past maybe 4-6 years along with more frequent arguments etc.
So here's the thing, it's been 7 months since I've been single, 4 months since I moved out and not a day has gone by where I haven't thought about her.
I've had chicks come up to me asking if I was single and even some asking if we wanted to fuck and I've turned them all down, from whales to QT's. Even when drunk as fuck I still said no.
I am so confused about how I feel, I really don't think she'll want me back and I don't know if I want her back, but then why can't I get over her.

She just got back from a concert that she only told me about the day before since it our pet needs to take medicine twice a day for a week. I kinda feel upset that she's probably gone with another guy. I texted her when she got back, asked the usual how was it, hotel ok etc and snuck in "a was it weird being by yourself" in the middle. All questions were answered other than that.
I know I have no right to be upset so why the fuck do I care. Maybe it's the not knowing and being paranoid that she's avoiding it.
Or maybe I'm just reading into things that aren't there.

TLDR, i feel confused about my ex, what do I do to get over her, and how do I even find if I want her back.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2slhgSRRPi0