here's the deal - I'd like to propose to my GF (she'll

>>18486856

>however

she's 'emotionally unstable' as fuck ...
about 2-3 times a week something will send her off the rails. most often it's some minor thing I did - which obviously warrants some reaction on her part, but she often goes overboard like you wouldn't believe.

many things that I'd like to solve with a rational 5 minute discussion end up becoming 2 hour events with her crying her eyes out for the most part of it. by now I learned how to navigate such situations somewhat, but it's still quite difficult.

for the first couple of years this was fine - I do truly love her after all - and I do like and want to care for her and make her happy. but over the last months I developed some doubts about our future.

especially having a family together.
she gets really annoyed by children being loud or getting on her nerves - and while it's my belief that this would change in regards to our own children, I'm not so sure anymore.

I really want children and I know they are hard work, but while I'm pretty sure I can handle it - I'm not sure she could. I can imagine her breakdowns getting way more frequent and serious, and eventually I'm not sure if I'd really want to live in such a situation.
she does want to have children herself, so it's not me forcing her or anything - I simply don't think she could handle it and everyone who's involved would suffer as a result.

I don't really know what to do.

I already suggested therapy to help with her emotional breakdowns, but so far she doesn't want to try that. I also haven't told her about my doubts yet because I don't have any "solution" to suggest.

Any idea what to do?

>>18486856
>her not liking anal is something to complain about
It's like you haven't tried anal.

>>18486859
abandon ship
princess bitch is going to kill you but at best be a shit mother to YOUR kids

I've seen this enough times to feel like it's bait or something.

If you have doubts about raising a family with someone then you should really hestiate and think before having kids with someone.

>>18486856
Not sure if you are still here, but I was in the same situation. I used to love her alot and it still sucks at this point but we would never have been happy. I'm very future oriented and want 3 kids. Know what I want my house to look like, etc. Etc. Etc. She couldn't cope with that, even though she tried. We would get in fights about 2 times a week, god would they be hell and they always ended in me apologizing to her. It was always my fault. Just like you I learned to circumvent these situations, but are you actually being yourself? You are shifting your personality to make "being with you bearable" for her (not an insult, sorry). So think of it this way. There are 3 you's, the way you see yourself, the way others see you, and the way you really are. You can't hold that illusion to long, eventually you will let it slip, and then you Fucked yourself. I can't really say everything because I have to go to the gym. I'll come back after I'm done. Think about it buddy. I wouldn't break up with her, I'd just explain to her what your worries are, and tell her how important children are to you! Good luck buddy.

>>18487143
On another note, me again. I really hope you don't end like me. She cheated on me 2 weeks before my last semester. Guaranteed job in a laboratory for nanotechnology, on a $750000 basis. Trust me. You better fucking fight for this relationship if you don't want to regret it for the next 2 years. Money is nothing, trust me. If you can save this then do it. You can make it work, communication is key. Good luck, sorry for the...emotional outbreak

>>18487143
>>18487151

we do really love and trust each other - so cheating isn't a threat to us

I've been in two long term relationships before, and this time it's really vastly different. I don't know how to descirbe it - other than maybe something cheesy like "soulmate" or something like that

however - the problem I've presented remains

I'd really like to hear you out, please continue once you've done at your gym

thanks anon

>>18486859
I knew that kind of situation, except that she was incredibly stressful and pressured by her business, until we call it quit.
Either there is an unknown cause, or she has BPD, and you're in for hell.

>>18486859
Suggest couple counselling. Say that you want to spend the rest of your life with her, but you need to figure out how to stop arguing so much because if you want a family together and such you need to handle your relationship better.
Have you discussed the topic of kids with her?

>>18487186
yes, and she's generally really looking forward to it

it's not that she doesn't want kids - it's only that it is my assumption that she wouldn't be able to handle the constant emotional stress of raising children

>>18487176
she's not bipolar. she basically has no sudden mood swings or anything like that, it's just that she reacts very strongly to emotional stress

>>18487204
It stands fir borderline personality disorder and the symptoms seems in line with what you said.

>>18487212
I've just read about it
about half of the stuff on borderline personality disorder seems familiar - though she doesn't seem to be a severe case (if she even has that)

>>18486859
>I also haven't told her about my doubts yet because I don't have any "solution" to suggest.

Well, yes, you DO have a solution to suggest: therapy. You're afraid to bring up your concerns -- and it is a very legitimate concern -- because you're afraid she's going to flip out and you're going to end up not having a conversation about your concerns, but instead are going to spend a few hours listening to her cry and having to eating shit by telling her how much you suck for even bringing it up.

You're afraid to communicate with her. That should tell you something pretty fucking important about your relationship with her: she's not a partner, she's someone you have to "manage".

If I were you, I would trust that she's able to be an adult and have that talk. Even if her immediate reaction is to flip out, that's ok. What's important is whether or not she's able to actually address the issue after she calms down and has a chance to consider it.

If she can't do that, I would not be willing to commit to her.

And for what it's worth, if you're just constantly fucking up and not doing stuff you've promised to do, a 5 minute rational discussion isn't something that resolves that. That gets resolved by you doing what you said you'll do (or by not agreeing to do what you're not going to do).