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Hey /adv/, I seek you for advice on two things, relationships and anger management. I'd like to get out of the way the fact that I'd never hit my girlfriend, I'd never hit another woman unless it was in legitimate self defense or she sucker punched me for no reason or whatever, however even if my girlfriend did punch me I don't think I'd ever hit me, I'd much rather just deal with it the adult way.
So, a little bit of backstory, I'm a 21 year old broke ass dude who's currently doing an internship and trying to earn some money for himself, my parents are pretty poor as well but we get by quite nicely, I've never been hungry, truly hungry, in my entire life and for that I have to thank my parents who kill themselves working so I can a comfortable roof over my head and food every single meal. I make my own by working with my Dad every weekend, my actual parents are divorced so whenever I mention my parents I mean my mom and stepdad. I'm mentioning money right now due to the fact that a lot of my problems right now are financial due to a lot of things going wrong at the same time, namely my car breaking down a lot these past few weeks and the fact that my documents have expired and I have to pay to renovate them all, this at a time where my girlfriend expects me to go out with her more, I'll explain more in the next post.
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>>18485781
My gf is a very different person from me she's 18 (inb4 hurr durr pedo pls go), goal oriented, very focused, her parents are middle class and run a little business, she's doing alright in school and is going to college in a few months, she's a typical success story I guess. However our personality is pretty similar, we're both proud stubborn little idiots who can't agree on anything though that's been the case for the past 2 and a half years.
Lately I've felt like she hasn't really matured as a person, as in she's still childishly jealous of other women even though I fucking hate most women and the only other woman I talk to is a weeb neet landwhale who's in a discord group I chat in, she's jealous of that as well. She's also very fucking petty and will argue over anything, on top of arguing over anything she'll say the nastiest fucking things with no regards to what people feel, like for example she'll call me out on being broke even though I just had to fix a flat tire, buy some oil due to an emergency and spend some more money on important documents. Or she'll bring up shit I did in the past or mention my friends whenever she possibly can, usually in a tone of jealousy cause I'm always laughing around my friends (Maybe she should consider the fact they're not nagging me 24/7) cont.
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>>18485807
She can not argue on a fair playing ground, at all. She'll do and say anything to win an argument, even if it's over the dumbest most vapid shit. She will not, can not, admit she's wrong in any circumstance. Even if deep inside we both know we're right, she'll still argue and bitch like a little child.
Lately she's been getting on my nerves as well, constantly picking at stuff, the little things that you don't pay much attention to but they add up and they bring up the annoyance meter real fucking high after a day of it. It's things like oh those shorts are so old when are you getting new ones, oh I bet you're not gonna show up at this thing this weekend, oh so your internship starts next week uh? guess I better find someone to hang out with, oh look at this random hot dude on instagram teehee just joking. These little meaningless teases have been adding up to my stress level that I actually can not fucking control myself when something actually meaningful happens.
A few days ago, my car broke down, not an unusual sight considering it's a piece of shit and I keep it alive through calculated visits to an actual mechanic and some handywork done by myself and a friend.
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>>18485824
So the car broke down, big deal right? No, not a big deal due to the fact it's the second time this month something unexpected happens that's probably gonna crash all my plans. So I flip out, I get angry, I start talking to myself just cursing the car. I was already a bit steamy, having her nag me the entire trip from the very first fucking minute she got in the car. I just let it go, insulted the car, threw some random curse words everywhere, let off some steam.
And my girlfriend, with her amazing, great and wise mind, decided the best course of action was to tell me to shut up, that she didn't have to listen to me bitch about it and that it wasn't her fault. This is a constant excuses, "It's not my fault", it doesn't, however, prohibit her from picking at it constantly. And this really blew my mind, I had an anger towards her that was some kind of fucking deep seething rage, I didn't even react to it, I couldn't, I was just so god damn angry I couldn't do anything. I listen to every single one of her rants, take her name calling whenever I piss her off over some autistic shit nobody cares about and have to listen to her dumb fucking teenage rants over stupid shit and she has the nerve to tell me to shut up when I get fucking pissed when fate decides to shit all over my plans for the 3rd time that month.
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>>18485781
>>18485807
>>18485824
>>18485846
dude no. stop. start over. there has to be a better way to tell this story.
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>>18485846
Enough story time/vent cause I could honestly keep going for hours.
I want advice on how to deal with this entire situation, we're both stressed and arguing over dumb shit constantly and even if I realize this and tell her that she just keeps on arguing and arguing. I'm trying to change my ways, I realize being stressed has made me more irritable these past few weeks but would it kill her to just shut the fuck up with the little snarky remarks and uncalled for opinions? Yes I know I'm fucking broke, yes I know I can't spend as much time with you due to the internship, yes I fucking know we can't go out cause the car is fucked, what do you want me to do?
I also want advice on how to deal with anger, I don't wanna be that guy who fucking punches shit and throws an autistic shitfit every time something doesn't go according to plan, I'm usually calm and collected but whenever I feel like I'm getting fucked by some unseen entity I just get increasingly angry.
>>18485856
Not really a story, just some venting and context, I'm sorta doing this out of impulse.
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>>18485863
TL;DR anyways
Last few weeks have been fucking me over financially, time wise and sanity wise.
Girlfriend is an immature annoying pest of a woman who doesn't understand she's not really helping me or the relationship when she makes snarky comments about how everything is somehow my fault.
Give me advice on how to chill when shit hits the fan and how to convince someone who's pretty much a spoiled brat with a big mouth that she's not really helping anyone.
I'd like to avoid breaking up, I really would, I've imagined that scenario time and time again and it would be the easiest thing. Break up, get my shit together and my life stabilized and then try again. But I really like this girl, aside from all her immaturity and general bitchiness she's a real keeper, if she toned it down I'd fucking marry her in a heartbeat.
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>>18485883
first and foremost, learn to condense. your story could have been
>dating girl
>we are very similar
>we argue a lot
>im kinda poor and she picks at that a lot in arguments
>gives me a hard time when random shit happens like my car breaks down and im tight on money
thats all this story needed.
as for your girlfriend, talk to her. have a serious conversation. then, set rules for your self. if things dont feel 'right' by september, she hasnt changed, leave.
as for how to calm your self down, diffuse and then leave. if you cant stop your self from arguing then get up and leave to avoid it.
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