Brother in Law crashed and got himself handicapped - no my wife

Be really supportive about it all and then one night when you have a good chance smother him so that it looks like his body just gave out.

>>18481367
I would highly suggest against this but at the same time there is nothing you can do. Think of the countless times people take in their parents or their disfunctional sibling or cousin. Family is family. For some it means nothing, and for others it means the world. It sounds like your wife is very set on taking him in.

Try suggesting a nursing home or professional care, even if it takes a toll on your wallet. This isn't a 'ok i took care of him for 3-4 hours a day, done'. This could make drastic changes. She will need to take him to doctor trips. Change. If he soils himself. Medication. Food. Up and down stairs. Physical therapy. It just sounds horrendous. Sucks for you OP

>>18481367

this is going to ruin your marriage OP. Get out now.

I don't know what else to say other than disclosing my own personal experience with matters similar to this:

>be happy kid with happy parents, mostly anyway
>uncle john ODs on heroin, fucks up his body and mind but still living
>lives with us after event because "hes family"
>during this time, my parents constantly fought, accused me of things I never would do, and told me i was an ungrateful shit. All things that never happened prior to him living with us
>mom has to dedicate a lot of time and money to this fuck up
>dad gets fed up, retreats out of my life even though he lives at home. If he isn't working or sleeping he isn't home
>mom always crying to god why he would do this to them
>I get yelled at for insisting he leave
>Dude dies 3 years later because a buddy of his came over and helped him get high again, he could take it and died

Worst 3 years of my life. Seriously OP, if you have kids, stress to your wife that you are not paying for this dumb asses mistakes. It isn't your fault and it isn't your kids' fault if you have kids. this is going to bring nothing but suffering. Let the fag rot.

>>18481402
Thanks for understanding. That is exactly what Im telling her, this is no 3 or 4 hour a day thing, this stuff gets out of control.

He is still in the hospital and has the risk on ending up with a tracheostomy (whole in his throat for life) and the doctors say he "doesn't have much neurological activity." which means he will probably be menatally handicapped.

What pisses me off is that this guy was a perfectly healthy (apart from the drugs) 26 year old guy who had a job in heavy construction. Now he will be in bed for god know how much time, and wife's family don't have much money, my wife will be the "free nurse".

Let me be honest, I have been angry this whole time since this happened. We have had discussions and I probably have been more suportive but goddamit I hate weak suicidal people who want the world to spin around them.

>>18481414
what happened to your parents after that anon?

>>18481414
Exactly what Im telling her, our family is going to suffer just because he couldn't embrace the pain of life and had to make everyone else's life miserable. Our son is 8 months old and doesn't deserve any of this shit.

>>18481367
the ideal solution to your problem is to throw money at it

look for some disabled care home and pack him off to there, contribute money

you might feel bad paying for an addict but at least your family life will stay intact

>>18481449
You sound like a swell guy.

>>18481447

They managed to get back some of what they had lost but still fought a lot about the past. I would often hear them on the back porch watching the sunset discussing their regrets and how they brought bad shit into my and my siblings lives and they blamed themselves for my sisters becoming pill addicts, but they had moved out prior to this so from my perspective it wasn't their fault. They loved each other very much but still could not let go of shit.

When I was 20 years old they finally divorced and 2 years ago before my mother died they reconciled and managed to get some time together before the end. Now my Dad lives the 64 year old bachelor life and misses my mother immensely.

>>18481449

I was 10 when my uncle came to live with us so I was very vocal about how much I hated them and my uncle. Your baby isn't going to know what's going on and your wife isn't going to be able to handle taking care of an adult baby and your own baby. Tell your wife its either you and the kid or your brother. Seriously.

>>18481367
im gonna play moron here and say
have you thought of getting him an apartment and a maid/butler/care taker?

>>18481463
>>18481459

The fag doesn't deserve it. You people need to stop thinking with your heart and use your brain more.

>>18481468
think logically anon, if OP tells his wife to choose he loses either way

if she chooses to take care her brother, then he loses automatically

if she's forced by OP to not take care of her brother, her guilt may lead to future issues+a downward spiral and disintegrate the marriage. I've personally seen both situations happen.

the best solution is what >>18481457 and >>18481463 suggested

>>18481491

Not everyone has the money for what you're talking about. That shit is expensive you dumbass.

That is NOT the best solution. The best solution is for his wife to fuck off and accept that her brother is a piece of shit and NOT her responsibility.

>>18481522
Exactly

>>18481459
Once I came across a thread asking how the close family of people who commit suicide felt afterwards.

Obviously it's a very saddening event, but it caught my attention that many said they were also very angry. Now I understand this. This is just a pure waste of life and nothing else. No one else is responsible for this shit but himself and he has nothing to gain out of this. He could have gotten married, have kids and keep doing the excellent job that he did.

I am very sad for my wife his brother and his family, but this si totally out of my control.

>>18481522
ok then, what do you think happens _after_ he tells his wife to fuck off?

>letting anything get in the way of taking care of your child

bad wife !
bad mum !
you fucked up OP !

>>18481387
Eyyyyy

This is an idea, too bad it isn't the moral choice

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>>18481568

>what do you think happens after?

A few things could happen. You're deluded if you think there is only one outcome here.

>She wises up and realizes its not her responsibility to take care of her retarded drug addict vegetable of a brother
>She divorces him to take care of a vegetable, dooming herself to mediocrity and misery and condemning her baby to a life without a stable home...all for the sake of a dumbass vegetable
>OP gets cucked by veggie incest

What do YOU think happens after, bub? You seem to be convinced that the only option is to bring this burden upon themselves. Would you do what his wife wants to do? I sure as fuck wouldn't.

>>18481468
It's easier to say if it's not your brother.

>>18481647

>It's easier to say if its not your brother

Right now, my older brother is on disability. He is an alcoholic and has a baby mama with 2 kids. He mooches off my father's money and my dad has had enough and is about to kick him out. He cannot work because of his alcohol and blood pressure related illnesses.

Last week he called me after not talking to me for years and it was obvious he was trying to re-establish a connection so he could mooch off me in the future as my dad is practically on the cusp of kicking him out after 5 years of his bullshit.

Fuck off anon, blood only goes so far. You need to not be a piece of fucking shit. This man turned himself into a vegetable. Let him die.

>>18481612
>either X will happen or Y or Z
the world isn't so black and white, a combination of both might happen as well.

women are emotional, they tend to get overwhelmed by guilt and sadness if they don't "do the right thing" or "do what jesus would do".

I wasn't pulling crap out my ass when I told you that. I have seen this kind of event happen, once with one with one of my own relatives. The stress created by his wife will only get worse with time if she believes she left him to die.

If OP doesn't have the money I can understand that, the key thing to do in that situation is to delude his wife into thinking her brother can't be saved.

>>18481657
Good for you, but you don't know what OP's wife's brother did for her growing up or what kind of bond they had. And it's still easy for OP to tell her to let him rot, it's not nearly as difficult a choice for someone not having a very personal bond with them.

There is something else to this whole situation. My wife had a sister who committed suicide. She was also a crack addict. This happened before I met her about 4 years ago.

It's obviously not a coincidence and I just didn't think something like that would happen again.

I'm afraid that If I let my wife get pulled by her tragedic family, she will end up in a similar situation too as she is the youngest sibling.

>>18481672

She needs to let go of her family bro

I came from a family full of drug addicts and alcohol abusers. She needs to let them go to be happy. She has a new family that she needs to protect now.

>>18481679
That is what Im telling her, thanks for understanding.

>>18481669

>b-but you don't know what bonds they shared!!!

I loved my brother you faggot. He did this to himself and it isn't right to put this burden on the baby and on her husband. If you weren't so focused on how she felt you'd understand that there is a baby and a marriage partner involved that are expected to put up with this.

Are you fucking stupid?

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>>18481669

>his wifes feefees are more important than the security of her finances, her marriage, and her baby

Sounds about right. Women are stupid. So are you.

>>18481701
You are missing something if you think that just because you could find it within yourself to make a difficult decision, it should be exactly as easy or difficult for others.

I am seeing the problem. The only reason I am focussing on this is because most of the rest of the thread is jumping on the bandwagon of being OP's cheerleader and acting like it's no big deal to tell his wife that she should gracefully accept that her brother's life is over and as someone who made a career out of caring for others, she should not take care of her family member as he is going to be literally dependent on his surroundings.

Either way OP go for a form of counceling to really get a good idea of what this decision would practically entail for the family and let the reality dawn on your wife. Flat out telling her to not do this while she is still grieving and it's all she can still do for him, might just be a blow to your marriage it won't recover from.

>>18481723

You're making assumptions. Literally no one said it was an easy choice. No one could argue this.

but either way it has to be done. It is not acceptable to expect your marriage partner to be OK with taking on a burden like that. If his wife can't handle this then she should perhaps give up the baby and her marriage and take care of him full time.

>>18481711
If you actually limit yourself to what I wrote in the posts you'd see that I never once said OP should accept that she is going to take care of this guy. Just that he should respect that the position he's in is much easier and more clear cut than it is for his wife.

>>18481367
Get syringe. Fill it with air, find a vein and finish the job. If he is living vegetable, he wont even notice.

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1) Get a copy of BiL's house key.
2) Get a pillow.
3) <-
4) Live happily ever after.

>>18481726
If you did not mean to imply that she should be able to handle it because you managed despite loving your brother, what purpose did that information have?

I don't think the marriage would survive. I don't think OP should not make it clear that he does not see this working out. I just don't think that most of the posts in here remotely do justice to how difficult the situation is for her and that OP would be wise to honor that instead of trying to focus on how this guy was a piece of shit for being an addict. I doubt that'll make his wife any more sympathetic to his stance.

>>18481730
what if CSI arrives to investigate the crime scene? OP's ass will be in jail

>>18481745

Because its painful but you have to protect yourself. Early on in the thread I also brought up my uncle, who was my mother's brother. The situation is similar. My dad wanted nothing to do with it and my mom did, and their marriage got fucked because of it but mostly because my dad allowed it to go on for so long.

I get what you're saying but I have not been telling OP to tell his wife that the dude is a piece of shit. She already knows. Obviously he has to be delicate. That goes without saying. Either way OP would be a fucking idiot for entertaining her idea of bringing this burden upon him.

>>18481767
>but I have not been telling OP to tell his wife that the dude is a piece of shit
No you didn't, but that's how he talks about it and it makes me worried that this is also how he talks about it to her. While from everything in the OP this happened very recently and I think it would be best to let the first emotions settle down before bringing up critical stuff to begin with. She is not going to be thinking clearly. Also while OP is completely right to not want this, I think he is wrong to be "really pissed" at her for having a knee jerk reflex to do whatever she still can for her brother after just learning that he's going to be a vegetable.
As I said I think the best way is to give it some time then break down, preferably with a third party, what this future would actually look like and what it would mean for her son primarily. You'd like to think that it goes without saying but I think many people here (obviously not talking about you) have never been dealt such a thing by life and look at it like an easy riddle with an obvious solution.

>>18481746
Hearth failure happens all the time after big operations the vegetable brother went through. If the bubble is big enough, it will very painfully stop hearth. Wait like 15 minutes, then call ambulance and be as stressed as possible.

Nobody will question dead vegetable.
>sometimes i wish doctors wouldnt save vegetable people. When brain is dead (and we can diagnose this very easily) there is no point keeping it alive.

Using pillow leave stuff in his lungs and generally patholog can say he was suffocated. The air bubble can happen naturally and although it isnt perfect way, the chance is very high to work.

>>18481782
yeah but that cigar smoking miami dude can use computers n shiet to figure out what happened, what are we gonna do about that?

>>18481792
Deny everything.

Easy.

>>18481367
>Now my wife who is a nurse wants to take care of him
Well yeah, because he is family.
>what should I do?
Sit down and talk to her, you might not like the guy, but he is her family and your by extension.
Put across your argument for your family and time together, do it without losing your shit like a child, let her air her concerns, don't force her to make a choice, encourage her to give it some time to think about the best option (including getting family to help).
If you make her choose between him or you, she is either doing what she wants on her own (probably getting custody of your child), or stay with you and hate you for it.

>>18481779
You are right about this advice. I have already told her all of this and we have had discussions about it. But right now I am worried about my 8 month old son who needs her mother, and this is already taking a lot of time out of her life, she can't take him to the hospital because he will get sick.

Also we were looking at houses when it happened and I had found a goddamn steal, a big house in one of the best locations, and that house is about to get sold, I didn't even got to see it from the inside as I have been all this time working or taking care of this problem.

But you are right, I am going to let her have her period of grieve and after that I hope she takes the right decision of living her life with her new family.

>>18481434
This shouldn't cost the family any money, even in America. If he's essentially a vegetable like you say; he 1) won't make it out of the hospital alive, or 2) if he does make it out alive, he'll be considered disabled and eligible for SSI and Medicare benefits to cover cost of treatment for life. Since your main concern is your wife taking him in and becoming his caregiver, we'll assume he makes it out alive and focus on scenario 2. Your best option would be to stick him in a home, there are plenty of nursing homes which specialize in caring for people in his situation (paralysis, post TBI, trach maintenance etc.). You need to stress to your wife that he will require much more care than she could ever provide alone. Someone in his position, you're talking physical and respiratory therapy at a minimum (both of which are much more specialized than nursing) not to mention however many ambulance or wheelchair van rides to all the doctor appointments he'll have. You won't be alone in this fight though, his doctors will more than likely be on your side that he needs a much more specialized care plan than a sister who happens to be a "nurse" looking after him.

But if she does go full retard and become his live in caregiver, it'll be months or even years until he recovers, IF he recovers, to the point of being released to her care.

>>18481612
>OP gets cucked by veggie incest
kek

This post is absolutely correct, on a serious note.

>>18481387
fpbp, be the angle of death

>>18481746
take him on a kayaking expedition and have an accident

>>18483174
what's that, do a 360' turn then fly out?