Is not knowing what you want to do a sign of a lack of discipline?

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Is not knowing what you want to do a sign of a lack of discipline?

I'm 1 year into my job post-uni in a paper pushing fluff job that a monkey could do.

I went to a top 10 Uni for engineering cause immigrant parents, failed for years in the program cause I was immature, was shit at it, and also just fucking hated it, and graduated with a bullshit liberal arts degree so I could at least say I graduated college instead of dropping out of school all together.

Now I want to blow my brains out every day and I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I hate what I'm doing now, the thought of doing what my boss does years from now makes me gag, I'm scared of taking on more debt for grad school (for what I still don't know) and I'll have the chip on my shoulder and shame of failing engineering, disappointing my parents, wasting their money and fucking my future for the rest of my life.

Meanwhile most of the people i associated with seemed to know that they wanted to be software engineers, consultants, bankers, architects or whatever right from birth and are now very successful.

What do?