I need neutral perspective and non bias opinion on this situation.

Ya that response of his was cringy added to the fact that he can't really preform well in bed/public restroom.

You did the right thing and you did not overreact.

How dense are you? He doesn't care about you at all, he's just using you for sex. There's no reason to second guess your decision.

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>>18479501
This is what i figured. He's really good at spinning things around and making it seem like he's a good guy concerned about having a healthy sex life and relationship.

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>>18479527

>>18479535
>let me tell you how you feel, the text

You arent missing out on anything and can do way better.
Sex is pretty highly overrated when it comes to a successful and happy relationship. If sex is the highlight of your experiences theres a pretty big problem.
Also
>muh needs

Really? what a joke of a man.

>>18479635
He does that a lot, it's really aggravating. He is one of those toxic "nice" guys. It always rubbed me the wrong way. I do not like passive aggressive people at all. It's a shame because he claims he wants to work thins out and that sex isn't needed to do that but at the same time he goes off about

>muh needs

After I ended things I told him it was no hard feelings and essentially lied about why I left him to avoid conflict. Do you think that I should get around to telling him the real reason why things didn't work out? I basically just told him I didn't like him anymore but gave no reason why.

I know this is very hypocritical for someone that can not stand passive aggressive people. It's bothering me that's he's just going around thinking he didn't do anything wrong.

>>18479795
Nah you ended it. If he is going to be a little two-year-old and tantrum every where and blow up your phone then maybe you can tell him that real reason. It won't lead to anything good since yall burned the bridge, but if he wants to be a bitch about it.


Best advice: Ignore him. Gettem outta ur system

>>18479458
If the relationship lasted much longer (say a year) then I personally would have given him an ultimatum that he could listen to your feelings or fuck off, instead of outright dumping him. However as your relationship has only lasted three months you didn't overreact at all.

>>18479815
My main concern is him turning our mutual friends against me and him feeling justified because he doesn't think he did anything wrong. I am not trying to deal with that next semester.

I'm gonna play devil's advocate here

>He's complaining you don't make an effort to go see him
>You were busy

Okay, fair enough.

>He goes on a mini rant about how unwanted he feels

So, this whole situation with you being busy was a catalyst for him to bring up an issue in the relationship; He wants more sex.

He feels unwanted because he attempts to fuck you and you're either begrudgingly doing it or showing some kind of resistance.

I'm guessing you didn't let him know the sex was terrible. So you're worried about "substance" yet you can't even be forthcoming about your feelings regarding the sex.

>You want to take it a bit slower

So, idk if you realize this, but opening that door for most men, once you fuck, they will want it when they want it. You opened that door, then tried to play some "well let's get to know each other a little more" game. Sure, you can fall out of attraction with someone, and sometimes you might not want it, but the result is an unhappy SO. He wanted sex, something he thought he now had access to, and now you're playing the "Let's get to know each other more" card. After you fucked him already. Do you see how confusing that is?

>Before we worry about sex

YOU ALREADY FUCKED HIM. Why do you think he's worried about it? Because he's fucked you already and wants it again. If you had never fucked I would totally give you the credit in this situation. You held out, you want to get to know him more. But you didn't, and the result, whether intentional or not, is you appear to be playing games with him. He feels unwanted because he felt wanted the first time you fucked, now you are holding out on him. Pretty simple logic going on here.

>If my biological needs are not met I will resent you

Yes, this was a bit cringy, but he was being honest, something you weren't capable of doing by not telling him his dick game is wack. I think the whole biological needs shit is a whole different argument altogether so I won't delve into that.

>>18479458
He shouldnt be in a relationship with you but isnt a strong enough person to move on or thinks he'll be unable to find someone else. It's for his own good you end it and urge him to move on.

>>18479458
To continue

>We only been dating 3 months I want to take things a bit slower

So fucking occasionally? Do you see how silly this is? You've been fucking and you want to slow it down out of nowhere.

>At the time I felt like our relationship lacked substance

>I told him this, I said we should hang out more and make sure we are right for each other before we worry about sex

You can't play that card, that card is for girls who have NOT fucked their SO yet. You can't play the "well idk if we're right for each other" after you fuck him. That's confusion. That is a confusion game. I understand wanting to get to know him more, but you already rode his dick. If you take away pussy privilege after it is rewarded, you're going to confuse the man.

>I am lot more concerned about the substance

No, you became more concerned as the relationship went on. You fucked him at first, and then decided you didn't like the sex so you took away sex as a method of getting what you wanted from him, maybe realizing you just had sex with a guy you didn't even care about all that much.

>He sounds completely sex obsessed

Nope. You fucked him and he wants to fuck again, but you're playing games so now he's seeing it as a power move. He's trying to get the pussy back by playing a pity game.

>He says he's unwanted

This is him signalling to you that what you're doing is making him unhappy. If you had never put out in the first place, this "sex" issue would have never came up, and you possibly would have never dated.

>When I try to bring up the romantic and substance aspect he immediately brings it back to sex

Because he's equating those things with that, or he's expressing what he wants. You gave him sex, give him sex again and he'll oblige to that. You want romance? Fuck him like you did in the first place. You want to have some substance? make him feel wanted.

>Since fucking him wasn't my top priorities at the moment

>>18479868 continuing further

He thinks you're asexual because you put out and then you decided to back down.

>Spending time together sex will come naturally

I can respect this sentiment, but I think there's more to it at play than you're letting on. You're trying to make the guy out as a sex freak when really you just put out and then stopped because muh substance

So he asked if you wanted to be polyamorous because you're not providing him with what he wants, and he assumes you might not be getting what you want from him, so he offers an olive branch; You can look for a guy who does that, I'll look for a girl who puts out, but I still want to be romantically involved with you.

>>18479857
I don't really feel like this is my fault. I don't think sex should be a top priority in a relationship

I think you don't find the guy attractive. Physically, maybe, but definitely not feeling his personality, behavior, and attitude.

I take that from you being too busy for him and not enjoying the sex, him not keeping things interesting and complaining (him being broke probably adds to it), and you wanting to just hang out to see where it goes. And maybe or maybe not sex will happen.

>"if my biological needs are not met I will resent you"
My assumption is from that you knew that if you don't have more sex with him, he would either break up with you, so you broke up with him first, knowing you don't want to increase the frequency of sex. In fact, you wanted to reduce it.

>"hey I think if we focus on getting to know each other better, spending time together sex will come naturally"
I would be absolutely disappointed if I heard my girlfriend tell me that and I would break up with her on the spot. That would tell me she's not attracted to me at all and she feels no passion for the relationship.

All in all, no one is in the wrong.

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>>18479852
I really do appreciate this input/reponse. you are totally right about me opening up pandoras chest by fucking him. I even told him I regretted it in hopes of him understanding that it was a mistake to fuck him before I knew him better. I did mention the sex was not good and painful (cause i was dry)

>>18479868
yes I understand fucking him was where I messed up. Noted. During the whole conversation I just wished he would have listened to my concerns instead of bringing it back to sex with each reply. I understood why he felt that way and addressed it.
>>18479875
the polyamorous suggestion was such a shitty cop out from fixing our problems.


In the end what made me realize that we needed to get to know each other more (it's going to sound really shitty) but the guy has a massive moral superiority complex and it irks the living fuck out of me. I am not some kind of degenerate scum but he is so fucking nit picky with things I say when I'm trying to get my point across. I hate the term but sort of like a sjw :( It felt so contrived and forced. He doesn't say things because he believes in them he says what he thinks will make you believe he's a good person.


Yes i told him this. It was the first thing I said. He completely ignored it and switched the topic right to sex.

>>18479958
>I think you don't find the guy attractive. Physically, maybe, but definitely not feeling his personality, behavior, and attitude.

this is pretty much what it came down too. I just wanted him to acknowledge the annoying shit he constantly does and try to stop it.

I did not know that was the person he was the first couple months we were together. I think things would have worked out if he got off his high horse once in a while.

>>18479458
Quit stringing him along. You admitted you didn't like the sex. At least he is.being upfront, time you should be too.

>>18480002
How am I stringing him along I already broke up with him. He can fuck who ever he wants now. I just want thoughts on the situation

You're overthinking this.

You don't need to try to make him understand that he did something wrong. He obviously didn't get what you were trying to tell him before you broke up with him, either because he's a dope or because he just didn't really care. My guess is that he's totally fixated on himself and what he wants, so he didn't really care beyond trying to make some noises that he thought would get him what he wanted.

You can't MAKE someone understand something if they're set on not understanding, and it's a waste of time to try.

If your mutual friends turn against you based solely on his version of things, fuck 'em, they're not really friends. If they do ask, I wouldn't go into it beyond "he's not what I want in a romantic partner". Anyone who pushes for more is just a nosy fuck.

>>18480054
Thanks that's a good point. The fact he ignored it each time I brought it up is enough evidence he doesn't want to learn from his mistakes like he claims. I really hope I don't lose friends over this.

Yo OP I don't know you, but this dude really sounds like me. I hate that and thank you for actually showing me what I am like.

Damn, I need to readjust. I am def I rely more about the romantic sidebar of relationships, I care deeply about the other person but sex is important too I suppose.

I have this shitty moral superiority complex and i need to fix that.

You are definitely better off, guys like me and him, yeah we're nice but there are ulterior motives.

You deserve better, also: stop being a sjw.

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If it makes you feel any better, I have never been in a relationship and will be turning 22 this month. Feels awful. I would say make sometime for yourself and ignore him.

>>18480131
I'm glad that I could lead you too some sort of self reflection.
>>18480148
I am 22 too and he was my first bf. you will find someone don't worry

>>18480157
Thanks. Really means a lot.

>>18480157
I was joking about the sjw thing btw, a little self humor.

But yeah, he sounds toxic, take some time and look for someone who doesn't prioritize sex above romance. It's sad that so many guys are like this, they lost the actual meaning of being with someone, and fell in love with their bodies before they fell in love with their soul.

Sex is such a superfluous thing. It's not even a big deal, sure it's nice but an emotional connection with your partner is such a more fulfilling thing.

I can pipe down any thot, but it takes a special person to connect spiritually with.

>>18479458
>Both of us being broke college students all we really did was watch netflix and go out to eat together during the semester.

Did you make an effort to change that?

>>18480167
>Sex is such a superfluous thing. It's not even a big deal, sure it's nice but an emotional connection with your partner is such a more fulfilling thing.

This was my exact feelings the whole time I wish I was able to articulate this during our conversation. But all I could manage to spit out was
>substance!!!!!!
>>18480170
Yes I did, I often suggested going to concerts to see bands that we both like we did this a few times. Had a blast. I made plans to go to the botanic garden etc. I was the only one putting effort into doing different stuff. I just kind of dragged him along with me. If it was up to him he would just stay in the house with me all day.

>>18480202
What kind of bands do you like?

>>18480227
We went to go see LCD sound system, car seat head rest and were suppose to see Alex g next week but I sold my tickets lol


Heres my last.fm I browse mainly /mu/ and /fa/
https://www.last.fm/user/dilettantescum

>>18479984
>I even told him I regretted it in hopes of him understanding that it was a mistake to fuck him before I knew him better.
>he says he's unwanted
You got me fucked up.

It's cool you are not wrong here, but Jesus Christ, don't look at his behavior only, look at yourself too

>>18480255
Yeah the whole thing is pretty fucked. I did mess up a lot it was my 1st relationship I did not know what I was doing. Next time I will give it more time before jumping into things so fast. I honestly thought I knew him pretty well after a month and a half of dating and a couple of months of being just friends. Then he start having opinions and shit and every time he opened his mouth I could feel my eyes roll to the back of my head from the bs he spouts.

>>18480272
Nah you shouldn't wait longer in the future. I think the case is that you feel bad for having sex with him because the relationship turned sour so quickly. It could've been the opposite, maybe you'd have loved the sex and him and there would'nt have been any second thoughts if sex happened too early or not.

It's good to be patient and all, but you aren't alone in the competition for someone, and being exclusive with a person without the physical thing is pure frustration. You can make any guy fuck off by trying to make him wait patiently so you can sort your feelings for months.

I can see why you've pushed him away, I can see how your "let's just not have sex for some time" made him beyond frustrated. You guys have been a mismatch, next relationship can only get better