Hey /adv/ need a little help. Earlier in the week I decided

>try something to find out if a suspicion is true
>be surprised when it is true
You're an idiot who needs new friends and/or to make themselves more of the sort of person people want to be friends with.

>>18478658
Yeah it sounds autistic but it's just a bit shit having to deal with the reality of it. I woudnt say I'm an unsociable guy, always there to help them, always have a good time when we get together etc but yeah you've got a point man

Stop being a bitch, maybe they are shitty people, but generally in a group there's only a couple of people who initiate or plan stuff most of the time

And its only one week man wtf

>>18478680
Yeah, i don't have a group just sort of different friends who I hang with individually. And yeah I know man but I think I'm just realising the truth and dealing with the reality of it

>>18478691
If they didn't like you why would they choose to spend time with you?

>>18478654
I'm the one who never instigates stuff because I'm too shy... :x Perhaps your friends are too shy, too? But I'm the kind of person that if someone messaged me three times in a week I would start messaging them back (if I liked them... if I didn't like them... I would probably start being quieter and quieter in the messenger until they stopped texting).

>>18478654
Happens to me too mate. Very few people instigate contact. Bit I think it becomes the group dynamic that some are the organisers and glue others aren't. I'd say you're the glue.
You might need a couple of candid conversations though.
> establish safety - say you value friendship
> state facts - tell them what you e just observed
> state your path - what that leads you to believe that they don't care
> allow them to respond and explore
Maybe they don't realise
Maybe you are the glue and the important one to bring people together

This has happened to me multiple times and has cause me to be somewhat paranoid. Step 1, realize that if they don't care that much, it's better to know now, and you can stop worrying about them so much. It sucks, because they were your friends and you have good memories with them, but things change. That's step 2: no one is blameless, and That's okay. You've grown apart. It happens. Step 3: do some soul searching, but don't feel sorry for yourself. When you start feeling sorry for yourself, you start getting stuck. You're friends could have been more mature, it's true. But same goes for you. Same goes for everyone. The hardest part is to not take it personally. Of course it feels very personal, but from their perspective it isn't really. Their lives are busy, and you can't expect to be everyone's top priority. I know you don't think that, but it's probable that, like me, you end up acting that way a little. It's not arrogant behavior, but rather trying to please the crowd instead of individuals. Step 4: as part of your soul searchi g, evaluate these friendships. Figure out which ones you really care about keeping, if any. You will be wanting to find new friends next, so this is more about figuring out which of these people you want to be your connection to the past. May seem harsh, but as of this moment, these friends are your past. The experiment you ran, which I have also done, makes that happen. That's it's direct effect. It is a marker between they way you used to see these people and the world, and a new perspective that is just about to emerge. You can't go back anymore. Your attachment to these people is primarily your good memories. Knowing that, which took me way too fucking long, don't ruin it. The more you try and live in the past, the more those memories will become painful.

>>18478737
Yeah I can see we're coming from, like I said I'm not in a group it's just individuals but yeah maybe it's true that that is my 'social' function

I'd like to approach them possibly what do I say? Without having a fall out with all of them

>>18478654

when you establish a relationship where you are the 'initiator' you are setting up the expectation that you will call when you want something and that they should leave you alone if you don't reach out.

that being said, you may also just be low on the totem pole of priorities. i often feel that way my self. and it may be because you and/or I are not as likeable or not as bonded to these people as we like to think.

but imagine one of your friends just fucking stopped talking to you after an established pattern of always reaching out. wouldn't you be offended?

now imagine you found out your friend did this just to test you, playing with you like you are some pawn in their game against self esteem.

>>18478833
Good post man.
Suppose I should now learn to accept this. Finding new friends for me is difficult. I could just adapt to being alone I guess

>>18478843
>now imagine you found out your friend did this just to test you, playing with you like you are some pawn in their game against self esteem.

Yeah shit man I never saw it this way. Thank you anon for this perspective

>>18478857

no problemo. I know it wasn't intentionally evil. but instead of testing relationships and people you should focus on just strengthening and re-enforcing your relationships. Think of it as weight loss. it doesn't really matter where you are now, it just matters where you're going.

good luck.