Hey /adv/. This will probably be a long one, so this may have

>(continued - part 2)
5 days into his vaca, he texts his mom. He's changed his mind, and is going to a community college over there. The college offers a general engineering degree that's more geared towards maintenance than it is mechanical engineering, but however assuming his grades are kept up will allow him to directly rollover to the local university. The only downside is that had he gone to school here for 2 years, it would cost him ~$4,000 including fees and books, but by going there it will cost him between $13,000 and $16,000 NOT including fees or books.

We also learn that he's been spending a lot of time with his half-brother, whom we will call Steve. Steve is essentially a fuckboy. He details premium cars for a living, and otherwise spends most of his days partying, getting laid, getting drunk, and getting high. He apparently helps David lose his virginity and get high for the first time (David's been drunk before though). David's real dad knows he parties, but otherwise doesn't know of the extent or details.

David has a very horse-with-blinders-on mentality in that if he has any distractions to a goal, the goal will almost certainly suffer. There was a few times in his 4 years of high school where his grades started suffering, and the conclusion we came to was that there was a correlation between his grades plummeting and how much freedom he had on the internet. I restricted his internet freedom to certain times of the day, his grades would climb. I restricted him completely, and his grades were perfectly fine, not straight A's, but at least solid B's, and a couple C's from time-to-time.

Wow helicopter control freak parent much!!

jesus christ, OP

>(continued - part 3)
I should mention that when David told us he was making this decision to go there, he did not consult us, didn't skype with us, more of a 'I am GOING to go here and there is nothing you can do to change my mind.' David's mom, absolutely flabbergasted, contacted David's real dad to see what kool-aid they've been giving him. Obviously David's dad wants him there to make up for lost time and such and because of that essentially did things to sweeten the deal, such as promising to help buy him a car (he already has a car, but he's never really liked it), but in his defense, David's real dad, after learning that David wants to go to school there, did at least urge him to talk to his mom about what he wants to do, and David basically said, 'Nope, it's my decision, and I've made it. I'll let her know what's going to happen, but that's all.'

David, finally, comes home. We talk with him. We tell him that while we don't think he's "throwing his life away", we think that it's the smarter idea to go to school for two years here, distraction free, and then if he wants to move there, he'll have quite a bit less debt. He said no. We also asked, 'Hypothetically if we offered to pay for all of your schooling here, would you stay?' and said that definitely sweetens the deal, but the answer is still no.

Maybe he needs to get out from stifling control of you

>(continued - part 4)
So we ask him why he wants to go over there so bad, and his response is because there's more to do, it's funner, and because he earnestly thinks the school there is better than the school he'd go to here. I ask him, 'How do you know that?' He says he visited that school and the place is amazing. I say, 'Okay. Have you ever visited the school here?' He says no. I say, 'Well then how can you make the claim that it's a better school?' He says that there's no way the school here is better. Queue Jackie Chan confused face.

I tell him that I think the wiser choice is to go to school here for two years and then do whatever he wants after that, but if he really wants to go to Iowa, I won't stop him. The only thing I ask is that he at least visit the school here so he can make an honest comparison. He at least gives me that.

Thoughts?

Why the shit anybody thinks an associates degree is a good idea is beyond me.

>>18477091
I've seen 3 x posts about your control issues and you refuse to listen or acknowledge.
I bet poor David feels the same. You don't hear him. It's all about you and your opinion.
If your after advice cunt you have to receive it not just post your story.
> faggot

>OP here.

The way I see it, we could be and could have been way worse. We've never expected him to get straight A's in school, only that he at least pass his classes and not drop out, and we've taken whatever steps are necessary in that regard. He got my old car, which I spent a considerable amount of time and money on to make sure it was in great condition for him wherever he ends up going. I've also bought him an ipad, a $1,500 laptop for him for when he moves, whether that's now or two years from now. The only thing I was never planning on doing was paying his way through college; I don't have the money for that.

>OP here
>>18477133
It depends on your career goals. He's only ever wanted to work with 3D printers, and he can get that with the associates he would get here. There he'd get a degree that lines him up to be a maintenance technician. That's not even an exaggeration.

>OP here.

I guess the big thing here is this: Are we wrong to be worried? Why or why not?

Also, any shit about how we're shit-cunt asshole helicopter parents will be disregarded going forward. The only response that you'll get is this: After he got out of high school, I gave him all of his internet liberties back and basically told him, 'Okay, it's up to you. If you need any self-discipline, you'll have to learn to do it on your own.' I'm aware that we did helicopter parent him a bit on his education in high school, but we don't rule his life with an iron fist. What he does in his spare time is completely up to him.

>>18477168
He's becoming his own person.
You're a parent and of course you're going to worry.
But it's his life now.
Be a guide and coach but let him decide and be there if he needs help.
You'll need to work on the letting go a bit more though

>>18477168
You aren't paying for his schooling. Your son is an adult. He doesn't owe you anything.

>>18477153
the fuck you mean "work with 3D printers"? do you mean running one? that's nothing like engineering and very much like running a printing press or doing factory work.

>OP here.
>>18477172
>>18477170

I agree completely. His mom is extremely worried that he'll break off all contact with us. I told her if he does, that's his problem. She says, 'If he does, that's MY problem! Because I'll never hear from our son again!'

I have no problems letting him ago. Dude's kind of a dick anyway. However, if I'm honest with his mom about this, I get flack for not backing her up and not caring. So I just sit here, on 4chan looking at memes, weathering the storm until it goes away. Just figured I'd share what's been stressing me out lately.

>OP here.
>>18477180

Yup. If he gets an associates for it, he'd have an edge in that line of work, such as being a supervisor or a manager of some kind, etc.

More importantly though, he'd have a leg up on getting his bachelor's, which is what he's been saying he's wanted since freshman year in high school. The way I see it, I was just facilitating.

>>18477182
thats what the normie life bags you

I hope her pussy was worth your wizard powers

Well op thats what you get for trying to raise another mans spawn.

Fucking dumbass

>OP here.
>>18477197
>>18477283
Oh, I know.
I have two step-kids, both of whom can be little shits, but I adore, and I really don't care whether they're literally my blood or not, because my ideas of life still live on through them. Well... some ideas anyway. I think that's true whether they're your legitimate kids or not.

As for pussy, I wanted the relationship aspect more than getting laid, and I got it... for a while. We're going through some job transitions at the moment, so that combined with what David's pulling is getting us stressed out, more her than me. I know we'll be fine, just need to chill out and relax til the storm passes. The whole David thing is just a reminder that when it rains, it pours.

>>18477348
(1) Good for you that you dont listen to these 'raising other man's spawn' idiots.
(2) Most idiots here didnt have caring parents so they dont know the difference between good parenting and copter parenting.
(3) Let your wife take the lead. Tell her you support what she wants to do. Take a step back but be there for her. It is tricky but you seem skillful enough to be able to do that.
(4) Learn to let go. Try to teach your wife the same...but without letting her know you are teaching her something.

You are a cuck. He is not your son. You can't un-waste all the resources you've poured into this idiot, but you can stop adding more.

>>18477381
>let your wife take the lead

That hasnt worked