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So I'm with a girl that I really love and see a future with but I've got a problem that I need to come to terms with and I'd like some help.
We've been together for over a year now and I plan on eventually marrying her but our sex life has pretty much ground to a halt. Some context so you understand why; growing up she was sexually abused by her father, heavy touching, fingered her, that kind of shit. That was what she went through for the last couple of years she lived at home.
I met her shortly after her mother and her fled that home and state and moved to my state. We started dating and after a couple of months we were each others first (consensual) sex partners. Fast forward another month after we first had sex and her dad finally killed himself because his family had finally abandoned him. For financial reasons she and her mother had to go back to their home in their home state to set their affairs in order. She was gone for about two months, we just continued the relationship long distance.
After everything was taken care of I flew in to her home state and drove her and all of her stuff back to my state to have her live with me. However, since the time she spent back in that home where all that shit happened to her our sex life has been bad. Sex about once a week and when we do it I'm constantly keeping an eye on her for any sign that she's upset or uncomfortable. I'm 23 and she's 21 so you guys have age context as well.
To be clear I don't believe this will always be like this. I believe that our sex life will eventually get better when she sees a therapist and gets everything dealt with emotionally. When we first started dating it was great. I'm not going to leave her because I love her, so that's off the table. If told it would be like this always I would just accept it. What I want from this thread is just ideas about how to deal with this while it's an issue.
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You sound like a great guy. Really.
If you're dissatisfied with the amount of sex, you'll need to get used to fapping. Or try to lower the degree of the sexual acts - instead of a lot of normal sex, do sex once in a while and a lot of oral or any less "heavy" acts you can think of. It might get her engines going too.
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>>18472334
Oral and even fingering stresses her out. Catholic upbringing so even before she went back home oral was something we were kind of getting used to slowly, and fingering since she's come back freaks her out because it's like her dad all over again.
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>>18472322
>What I want from this thread is just ideas about how to deal with this while it's an issue.
Immediate therapy is really the only solution to this problem. She has experienced sexual trauma and there is not home remedy for it. There is no "waiting it out". She needs professional help.
If you honestly believe that you can sustain a long term, sexless relationship with an untreated sexual trauma victim you need just as much help as she does.
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>>18472386
Therapy is part of the plan mon ami
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>>18472322
You sound like a great guy who is patient and willing to work with her and wait for sex. Very rare today. Be prepared to masturbate a lot as this may take some time but I do agree she needs therapy. That is some tough stuff to get passed. She may be willing to play and flirt or give you hand jobs. Showers together can be great fun. Good luck.
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