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Am i depressed? So i was never at a psychiatrist. Im scared that he calls me lazy like my parents did. And all this pain i went trough was because im lazy and no one will help me
-i have suicidal thoughts. Im not gonna do it but i think about it alot. Sometimes im like i just want this to be over and dont care what happens after that on my way to school i wait for the train and think if i should just jump on the railway.and ive written my suicide note in my head.
-trough the day i have small panic attacks or think too much about my life and i have to hold back tears because im in public/class
-I often think about my emotional and physical emotional parents and that i still live with them. I also had thoughts of killing them(id never but i imagined)not because id enjoy. no i know thats fucked up. My mother screams and insults me mostly. Im being gaslighted and it seems hopelless. I asked her if we could go to a family consultant or a mediator and she responded no i can't do that.she scared of being accused of a bad parent i think but this is about helping me not givong her the fault.she has diabetes i know shes sick but shes a narcissist and its hopeless i just wanna move out but i can't because i have no job and am to anxious for one
-I can't do simple tasks because im too anxious. I have no self esteem
Once a girl asked if we should be together all of sudden. And i immidiatley thought its a joke.like why would she say that.i mean i only know her from school and we talked alot but was i really in the friendzone. I laughed it off with a haha no. And i think she was serious. But im too much of a fuck up to have a gf
This year my father caused me 2 major breakdowns.
-I cant sleep because of these thoughts i always have in bed. Sometimes i can't catch breath and my heartbeat goes up. And i say fuck it its 4am now and if sleep now i wont be able to wake up so i play video games. But mostly i stay awake until 3 am and sleep.and miss school .
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>>18470935
Hey anon. Life can suck sometimes. I've been there too. I even tried to kill myself. Now I regret it. I think you should seek proffesional help. Your mother has to allow you to do that if she doesn't want you dead. A psychiatrist in just like a normal doctor and it's nothing embarassing to visit him.
I have got more to say. Will be back in 30 minutes.
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>>18470935
No one is "just lazy". If you can't bring yourself to do things it's because of low self-esteem or fear of failure or some other mental block - and those are exactly the things a shrink can help you through. And no shrink will ever laugh at you or just call you lazy.
You quite insightfully see that you have problems and need help. You even see where to go for the help.
Go.
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>>18470935
>>18470935
I'm back. Like the other anon said, the psychiaitrist will never call you lazy or something like this. Thier job is to help people like you, not make you feel bad. But going to a psychiatrist won't directly solve all your problems. I think that you have to change by yourself. The schrink can help you and put you on the right tracks, but you have to want to change yourself and really do it. In small steps, day by day.
I still have suicidal thought too. I'm trying to find something valuable in my life. Still don't have a girlfriend or a job, but I'm working on it.
I think that keeping yourself busy with something you like to do is very important. I play vdeo games, watch a lot of movies, and want to buy a gun. Find something you would like to do and do it.
I hope i helped you at least a little.
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