So here's the deal: I have two kids. I used to be somewhat

>>18464216
They are just becoming independent individuals.
Children form strong bonds with their parents when they are little because they have to in order to survive. Teens and young adults start to pull away because they have to do so in order to survive in the adult world. This is why man children have opted out of society, their mothers never let them become independent adults.

Do right by your children and let them distance themselves from you in order to gain self sufficience and independence.

This does not mean ignore them, but it means that you need to avoid suffocating them. I think it would be good for you to hang out with them as if they were your adult friends rather than being the little girl/boy you used to know. Go out to a concert together or do something related to what they are into like you would do with a friend.

Bonding with teenagers is way different than bonding with little kids because they require much different stimulation.

give it some time, they usually come back
let them know you are happy to answer any question they have and never try to make fun of them

they are trying to find who they are, its your ultimate test of your fatherhood, your examples, behaviour, morales, controversies will all have an effect of how they turn out, guess the worst part is at this point you have little to no power over it, the seeds have been planted a looong time ago

>>18464259
I guess I'm just pining for the days when I was their "hero", but I guess those days are long over. Time to be on my own again, free again, in this regard.

As for bonding with them, I am trying. I just feel... hurt... all the time with them. I'm certain I have my own issues, maybe the fact that I'm a step father doesn't help, but I haven't found a good way to assuage the hurt.

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>>18464216
>still using a Vietnamese Cave Painting forum at 50

Dragonite Dad

>>18464275
my step father is this way as well, always wants to baby his daughters so he can feel like the 'hero'. His daughters are adults!

If you want to feel like the hero again you should have another child otherwise you are holding your adult children back.

I think you are just feeling a lot of paternal feelings right now and that is normal. Maybe your body and mind are telling you to have another child to raise but you feel sad because you do not have one and your babies are all grown up.

>>18464306
You could be right. The shitty part is though that me and my wife tried to have kids, but due to medical circumstances I won't go into, we had to try through IVF. We tried twice. The first time it didn't take.

The second time we conceived twins, but miscarried. We got a puppy after that, but obviously it's not the same, and our relationship hasn't been quite the same since.

>>18464275
As a daughter myself, I pulled away from my dad between the ages of 16-21. We just had little common ground at that age and my priorities involved things like being cool and navigating boys, something I didn't really want dad for. Now I'm 23, working an office job far from home and I see him once every week at the most but in saying that we're closer than ever because I'm an adult and we can relate to each other and have conversations we both value. Continue to show you're there for support, advice, and help, but don't take any perceived rejections to heart. It's just not your time, but give them time, they'll need you again.

>>18464321
I... I think I really needed to hear that.

Thank you!. :)

>>18464314
I thought this might be an issue too. It really does seem like you are struggling with paternal feelings.

Have you considered fostering or adopting?
You might also benefit with volunteering with children like working with an orphanage or doing something like big brother.

>>18464339
Not enough money for adoption, and I'm in the middle of transitioning out of the military, so I wouldn't want to give a kid a home right now until I know where I'm going to be myself.

I'll be going back to school full-time in a double-major once I'm out, so I don't think we're going to have the time to sponsor. Just have to weather this storm I guess.

>>18464352
well at least school will keep you busy and distracted from you emotions. Good luck OP, maybe there will be time to exercise your paternal feelings in the future..

>>18464216
You hit me right in the feels, man. As a father of a 2 years old daughter, with one son expected for December, I can definitely imagine myself in this kind of situation. Your kids are your whole life, and myself feels very close to my daughter. To think she will move on one day without me is painful, but that's the cycle of life, I guess.

They will come back though. Teenage years are difficult and that's when they need independence, no matter how much it can hurt the parents. That's part of becoming an adult. Better bite it until they become real adults. Then, you can enjoy them on weekends.

But yeah, it won't stop the feels.