How do I get over making a horrible mistake? The guilt and shame

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>>18459766

if there was a one size fits all you'd know it. tell us what you did and lets dissect it.

>>18459766
>>18459777
Noice dubs. Sorry. I couldn't resist.

OP, we need more details if you want a specific approach to rectifying your past misdeeds.

A general answer is that you can never get over their guilt and grief over past events. Most people become trapped by them. They're locked in that moment in time forever, doomed to repeat it, like Purgatory or Hell -- I forget which.

Although, you can ask for forgiveness. Sometimes, you will never be forgiven. And that's just life. All you can do with the time you have left on this Earth, is to learn from your mistakes, and do positive things to make up for the bad. Karma may or may not exist in a metaphysical sense. But psychologically, it will definitely help YOU to get over whatever it is you're having trouble getting over, by putting goodness into the world.

The past is already written. The future is all that matters. -- Game of Thrones

>>18459777
Basically me and a friend's girlfriend were fucked up on drugs and ended up kissing/feeling each other up. Neither of us remember it happening but a mutual friend of ours saw it and confirmed that we did it. So the next morning when I'm actually sober I've had to be confronted with these actions I'm responsible for that are so contrary to my moral code and intentions that it's made me feel sick inside. And yeah, I've taken responsibility for everything but I feel like a pariah in my social circle and don't really know how to get over this when I've caused so much damage.

>>18459816
Do you have a morals problem or a drugs problem, Anon? Because it's one or the other.

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>>18459816
Yeah son. You have to own your own sphere of influence before you fuck your ''friends'' SOs.

>>18459816
That is all? I was expecting something serious.

Take less drugs when you decide to fuck, go to a private place.

>>18459839
This too. I thought it was something serious, like actually hurting someone emotionally/physically, and or pushing people away. OP, sounds like some whiny teenager that is more concerned with his vanity, than his control over his lustful and human urges.

>>18459816
> I feel like a pariah in my social circle
You should. You betrayed trust of your friends. No one knows if they can trust you any more and they're probably angry at you and disgusted by you.

"Because drugs" isn't a "get out of jail free" card. Neither is "sorry".

Assuming you still want to have the same social circle it's going to take a long time to earn back everyone's trust.

>>18459839
>>18459847
How is it not a serious situation? I hurt my friend and broke trust amongst my social circle. The only positive thing I can gain from the experience is that I know never to get that fucked up on drugs to the point where I do things I don't remember that I wouldn't do otherwise. But I still feel like a horrible, disgusting person for letting it happen.

>>18459876
Here's what you have to come to grips with. You can't blame your actions on the bottle. Alcohol merely brings your true whims and desires to the forefront. There's no such thing as 'that's the alcohol talking, or that's the alcohol that's influencing him to beat/rape x person', that person *really* did want to do those things. What you did with your friend, was the real you. That's what you truly wanted to do with her. And the alcohol only removed your inhibitions and qualms about profaning your personal vanity/image in front of your social group.

The point remains. I feel little sympathy for you. Most humans are lustful creatures, and they especially like the things that they can't have. It's the oldest tale in history. Your friend was hot, and she was off the market, and that made her even more 'sexy' and both of you wanted to satisfy your lustful desires.

So what exactly are you complaining about. Under natural law you did nothing wrong. You only care because your group cares. You did a deviant behavior. So going full circle. You care more about your vanity, as most teenagers do. You have a non-issue. Everyone in your group would probably do similar things with the objects of their desires. If they're judging you harshly, then they're hypocrites. Didn't Jesus say, "He who is without sin cast the first stone", in response to a witch hunt of some alleged whore? Get over yourself. Tell your friends to get over themselves. You're all dumb imperfect beings--animals with egos.

>>18459953

>alcohol merely brings your true whims and desires to the forefront.

absolutely disagree. Alcohol brings out your baser desires, sure. but that doesn't prove what you want most in the world. humans are conflicted beings, and we want more than one thing at the same time. if a man treats when he gets drunk it doesn't mean he wants to cheat more than he wants to be monogamous, he just loses control of his baser urges.

that doesn't absolve him of guilt by any means, and anyone who does not control themselves while drinking needs to learn to prevent themselves from drinking, but to say its your 'true desires' is a bit much.

>>18459963
We'll have to agree to disagree then. I have friends who are assholes without the booze, and then turn into bigger assholes with booze in their system. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm generally an easy going and stoic individual in my personal life. I like to crack jokes, and remove the awkwardness in a room, when necessary. Otherwise, I'm fairly emotionless (not an edgy way). When I get intoxicated, I usually continue being reserved, or my inner 'class clown' personality gets dialed up. But I don't suddenly turn into a jerk like some of my friends do. Some of my friends become completely crazy. They're the types to go do fucking illegal shit, like the hazing crap you read on the news. Me? I like to just sit back and maybe listen to some music, or watch a movie. Alcohol calms me down, but for others, it brings them up, like coke. I'm presuming that OP is of the latter variety.

The intoxicated you, is always the real you. Never forget that. I will agree, stay away from the bottle, if it turns you into a base animal.

>>18459766
Feel remorse, not guilt

Remorse is feeling bad about what you did

Guilt is feeling bad about who you are

But your actions are not you, anon. You must forgive yourself to move on.

>>18460132
That's total bullshit anon. Your actions completely define who you are. Do shitty things, you're a shitty person. Do good things you're a good person. Yet a good person who commits a murder is still a murderer, no matter how good they were previously. Actions define who you are and a single bad action is enough to permanently stain your soul.