is it ever okay to be unfaithful? im with my long term gf. been

>>18459351
Just break up with her.

If you go out with other girls while with her, its the same ending but just worse for both of you.

>>18459351
What are your long term goals with your girlfriend? Do you think that you two can compromise? Do you think that you two can be happy together? Love is amazing, but can you two function as individuals when you are together? Do you ever see things changing?

If you think of cheating as a solution to your problem, that is a long term solution. It's not going to be a pump and dump and you're done. Because you will get sexually frustrated again. The longer it goes on, the more likely she'll find out. How will she react? Will she break up with you?

If you think that you want to cheat on her because you're going to break up anyway, consider this: You will have a black mark on your dating record. Any woman who finds out is going to be hesitant with you. Plus, if you allow yourself to do it once, you'll know how to do it, and it'll be easier for you to do it with any future girlfriends. Do you want to let yourself be a cheater? Do you like thinking of yourself like that? Do you like the idea of other people thinking of you as the cheater?

>>18459360

But I enjoy other aspects of our relationship with her and genuinally love her. I'm really not sure about leaving her and I'm not sure I can break up with her. I feel like she's my only friend and I do love her. It's hard to reconcile these conflicting feelings since society tells me that feeling like wanting to be unfaithful is a terrible and shitty thing(and I agree it is) and says that if I loved someone I wouldn't feel this way..but I do.

>>18459554
There is nothing wrong with cheating OP, as long as you still love your gf. Just because you sleep with someone else doesn't make you a bad person

>>18459377
>What are your long term goals with your girlfriend? Do you think that you two can compromise? Do you think that you two can be happy together? Love is amazing, but can you two function as individuals when you are together? Do you ever see things changing?

We're older so this isn't babbys first relationship. we were planning on moving in together once we got our financial things taken care or. Compromise on what? Generally I'm very easy going and willing to compromise on everything but I have my limit. Her mental issues take a lot of compromising like even down to where we go to eat(can't go anywhere too loud or with people). I am the opposite in that I'm extroverted and enjoy being around people. I often feel a little isolated. We are happy together but I feel that many of my core needs aren't met. We've been together 4 years. We can function as invidiuals somewhat however she is always struggling with her various issues. I'm indepedent. Many of her health issues are chronic and I'm honestly not sure they'll change soon. I held out hoping things will change but i don't think they will. I'm very sacrificing and I feel like I can't leave a lover. I've never broken up with anyone and have only left during very serious circumstances.

>f you think of cheating as a solution to your problem, that is a long term solution. It's not going to be a pump and dump and you're done. Because you will get sexually frustrated again. The longer it goes on, the more likely she'll find out. How will she react? Will she break up with you?

She would be very hurt. I would be very hurt. I don't think she'll break up with me. She has entertained(not seriously) me sleeping with girls in exchange for her sleeping with girls but never seriously. I've asked several times and she said no.

>>18459559

What have your experiences between?

It's weird because I've actually been on the other side. I was cheated on and found out. It destroyed me. But now that I'm no longer a young indealistband I'm more realistic and older I somewhat understand her reasoning..:even if I hate her.

>If you think that you want to cheat on her because you're going to break up anyway, consider this: You will have a black mark on your dating record. Any woman who finds out is going to be hesitant with you. Plus, if you allow yourself to do it once, you'll know how to do it, and it'll be easier for you to do it with any future girlfriends. Do you want to let yourself be a cheater? Do you like thinking of yourself like that? Do you like the idea of other people thinking of you as the cheater?

I have a really strong attachment and i'm not good at letting go. Im a very romantic and emotional person.

>>18459559
>There is nothing wrong with cheating
>Just because you sleep with someone else doesn't make you a bad person

Ignore this hedonistic cunt

>>18459554
If she's your friend and you love her but you're not going out and having sex then you're just friends. If you want to stay with her consider talking to her about an open relationship if you're needs aren't being met. If you're willing to risk your relationship by cheating then you should just end it and be free. If neither of those are viable options then consider investing in lotion and tissues.

>>18459593
Preach

>>18459577
I've had positive results. I let my bf know that these encounters were purely physical, and that emotionally he was the only one I loved. He was pretty mixed at first, but was fine with it after a while because our emotional bond was so strong

File: de.jpg (46KB, 620x400px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 620x400px

>>18459607
jesus christ that's disgusting
>>18459559
now im, unsuprised this was written by a slut justifying her gross behavior

>>18459351
>I'd like to go out with girls and just have a release. Am I a jerk for feeling that way?
No. But it's not like anons here or her will necessarily be able to deal with outside-of-relationship sex.

There is no great solution to this.

But I'd sure as fuck cheat or even drop her in your situation.

>>18459351
Have you tried telling her this.
remember to think about if you were a guy
>date girl for several years
>serve in army for 1 year
>get ptsd and become a physical mess
>she leaves you for another man while taking your military pension

>>18459635

Like I said. I totally understand the pain. I got cheated on. It destroyed me.

Thankfully we have no financial ties and we equally share everything. So neither of us will feel anything like the pension thing

But yes. It's totally fucked up. But where do you draw the line of what you need vs what your partner needs

>>18459351
Although the situation makes your thoughts kinda natural - it's still a shitty thing to do. You are not a jerk for your thoughts, but you'll be a huge one if you act on them. If you love her enough - stay with her. If you feel that love enough isn't enough - break up. Either way be fair and open about everything. Hiding things behind her back and cheating means that you don't treat her as a partner. That she isn't equal to you in your eyes.

>>18459351

Its normal to feel that way, especially given the stresses in your life, but I don't think that cheating is a good answer.

You clearly need a new hobby or new friends; try searching for something you can do outside the house where you might meet new people, but stop yourself before you go home with them or something.

>>18459635
> serve in army for 1 year
Voluntarily, like in the USA? Yea, don't.

> get ptsd and become a physical mess
Yea, but it's not like he's dropping her at the analogy of THAT point in time.

I'm sure he could can deal with it if he was slowly helping with a PTSD recovery over time.

But if it's going on for a long time and "things have been getting worse and worse", what do you do then? Simply also become unhappy as fuck and spend all your time in misery with said person? It'll just finish your strength.

>>18459351
my boyfriend's mom got MS and her husband coped with it by fucking a bunch of other women and he got 3 of them pregnant. I thought it was one of the most disgusting and disrespectful acts of human behavior I've heard of yet. She ended up dying because of how sick she was and her legacy was raising my bf and her other kid while being ill and having to be ok with being cheated on like that in her final years. Imagine being a great person to your husband and kids and he thanks you by loading up other women with his seed while you're throwing up sick in bed.

You'd be on-par with this scumbag if you cheated.

How would you feel if you got sick and your gf went out and cheated on you? It wouldn't be your fault that you're sick and depressed because you are sick so its not like shes witholding sex from you on purpose.

If you cannot be a decent man just leave she is better off vs finding out and feeling even worse than she does now.

>>18459351

are you me?

>>18461125

Maybe. Tell me your story. Misery loves company.

>>18459351
It sounds like you need to talk to her. You need to make it clear that she's not the person you signed on for in the beginning any more and that things have to change for you to be happy with the relationship.

If she's not willing to try to make the changes necessary then that tells you it's time to go.

>>18459351
https://youtu.be/FVD18q_AEaQ
Op's gf

>>18460962
Woah man chill out. I am neither married nor do I have kids to take of. If it was such a situation my kids and wife are above even my life.

I agree that what that guy did is scummy. She does not have anything that will kill her like cancer or MS.

In addition I am definitely taking care of her(she takes care of me too). We love each other but again. My needs aren't being met and that's the downside.

>How would you feel if you got sick and your gf went out and cheated on you? It wouldn't be your fault that you're sick and depressed because you are sick so its not like shes witholding sex from you on purpose.

Of course it's not her fault. No where did I ever blame her. It's not in her control. But we are both suffering the effects.

I would feel pretty terrible. But I'm starting to wonder if monogamy is even for me considering I feel I'm able to love more than one person.

I

>>18461169
>If she's not willing to try to make the changes necessary then that tells you it's time to go.

she tries but not 100% but she does. Most of her issues are not within her power at all. Skeletal issues etc or & mental issues. She goes to therapy/doctors/etc but it is not something they can fix.

I was not aware of all these issues nor where they present when we first met, not even a year after we met. It creeped up slowly after two years and by then I had grown incredibly attached.

>>18461179
Well the sexual stuff you said was anxiety - which she should be able to work on successfully.

Every relationship is different of course. I don't know you two - maybe she'd be ok with you going and having your needs met elsewhere, I dunno. Maybe that's something you could raise. That itself might be motivation to sort herself out. But it honestly sounds like she's too "in a rut" to make any real changes.