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I'm 21, i've done nothing with my life. For one reason or another, anxiety or laziness, I've coasted along without doing anything learning anything. An emotional breakdown in high school put a wall between me and university, i'd need to get my old grades uup to even think about going, not to mention the money that'd have to be raise. After high school i spent my time working odd jobs and drinking heavily for a year or so. I've stopped the drinking beyond the odd treat on special occasions but i feel like it's had an effect on me.
I see all these brilliant things science is doing, pushing towards. I've seen them my whole life. I was told all throughout my childhood that i was a brilliant kid, that'd i'd go far, do much. And I suppose to an extent it's true, i was a pretty smart kid.
But these days i just feel stupid, beyond stupid. Braindead. When I try and buckle down and learn something, it's like it all becomes noise, like my mind is filtering it out. It used to be so easy for me to understand things, so easy i was, for the most part able to coast through school without any difficulty.
I feel like i've wasted a crucial period of life on my never ending anxieties and therefore will never be able to learn to be a person helping to move the world further. I feel like a failure to myself, and to mankind. I feel like i've royally fucked up.
Is it really too late for me?
If it's not, how the hell do i pull myself together in time to make something of myself?
I'm sure this sounds pathetic, i've just felt so lost for years.
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There are like 100 threads about this on /adv/ a day. What gives you passion? What drives you?
Personally I was stuck in a dark place my whole life until I turned 24. College dropout, no friends, no girlfriend, no job, living with my parents. Then I had a REALLY powerful psychedelic experience. Not really good or bad, just... infinite. I can't recommend it for everyone (in b4 LOL DRUGS) but it sure opened my eyes to the fact anything is possible. I've since gotten a decent job, and I'm going back to school, have my own place, and have had a girlfriend. This is 2 years later.
I have revisited psychdelics about once every 3 or 4 months since and it always gives me that same kind of "bliss" or "awareness" of life that I cannot understand why everyone cannot see normally. I dunno. It's a longshot. Drugs sure don't work for everyone. I've always been a heavy drinker and remain a less heavy but still way too much then is good for me drinker to this day. That is the demon I can't break, myself.
But the people I have met since then. I have "turned" them on too so to speak. But yeah it doesn't work for everyone. Take my advice as you will.
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>>18457393
I had mushrooms once when I was younger though. I wouldn't even know where too get psychedelics, but i've always been interested in trying them, especially in trying DMT.
The passion thing; i know you're right, i just can't seem to muster any intense passion for anything. I have a million things i'm interested in, but there's always some kind've niggling doubt in my mind somewhere that stops me from pursuing something specific.
>There are like 100 threads about this on /adv/ a day.
Yeah... I know this kind've thing is a commonly whined about issue. I just, i dunno, my anxieties about it have been a little extra strong lately, figured i might be another whisper in a sea of voices but that i might get heard.
Thanks for responding with sincere advice, much appreciated.
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>>18457378
You're in the same boat with a lot of people. Instead of thinking everyone's happy and reaching their goals, think of them as they're having troubles as much as you but they don't show or care. Which is actually a fact, rather than a mental gymnastic.
tl:dr. change your view, read a book
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>>18457378
Might want to get yourself checked out for ADD. There are medications that can help a lot with focus.
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>>18457378
You wouldn't have to do shit to go to college. You sign up for your FAFSA and apply to the closest community college nearby that isn't overpriced. Your Pell Grant will most likely cover the whole thing.
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>>18457378
> I see all these brilliant things science is doing, pushing towards. I've seen them my whole life.
Yea, well, the whole thing is the aggregated works of hundreds of thousands of people.
And so is making products for society or whatever.
> Is it really too late for me?
No, of course not. Not even for a career in science.
> how the hell do i pull myself together in time to make something of myself?
Maybe start with just "a" job, see if you can get the finances and motivation / time needed to attend university for real. If not, figure out if you can progress in another way.
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