Usually people prescribe some weight and meaning to the events

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Usually people prescribe some weight and meaning to the events in their lives; many recall events like a story. I don't, yet I'm not even necessarily obsessed with remembering or retelling these experiences factually. I'd hate doing that, it sounds kind of boring. But then I'd probably not be able to anyways.

I forget a lot of things. Maybe it's more right to say that I don't remember properly.
And it's silly, really. I have a great fringe memory--one like a dusty old library where all the books are out of place. Nothing about it is efficient, and usually only a brief spontaneous spark of inspiration may bring me back to the right "book." Except, really, the book's only a page, it's disconnected from the rest of the experience.

I really hate being like this. I look back and see a swamp. Little to feel besides weeds and goop. People may ask me "what's your story?" and I'd laugh and say, "what IS my story?" to the no-fuck-giving universe.

I know I'm not a smart girl. But...I know things can be better than living so carelessly and without structure or meaning. I've no identity, no soul. Where do I go from here? How do I start restructuring the way I live and think and feel instead of just floating through life?