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I've fucked up. I really can't decide what I want and my indecision's just causing havoc.
I got wrapped up in having feelings for a close friend of mine - things just suddenly seemed to intensify between us and it all unraveled from there. She's the girlfriend of one of my best friends, they've been going out for 4 years or so. I've been going out with my own girlfriend for around 7 years. So, uh...I guess we unwittingly cucked each other's respective other?
Anyway. Both of us are generally regarded as Good People (haha) and tend to act that way - so despite having had a very clear chance at one point to fuck each other senseless, we just kept it to kissing and spilling our hearts out to one another - I don't think I've been more open with another person. We are obviously physically attracted to one another, but it was/is more of an emotional thing - and we're very similar people, to boot.
Things came to a head at one point and I decided to come clean to my girlfriend. She was upset, but not as angry as I figured she would be. Her one condition has basically been to cut off all communication with my friend - and I can't handle that. It's eating away at me inside and burying heads in the sand doesn't solve anything.
I want things to return to the heated excitement and fun that we had - simply looking forward to that shit was one thing, but talking to her for hours was exhilarating - but I don't want to fuck things up further for people I care about. But my girlfriend has done nothing wrong and she worships the ground I work on. My (male) friend is acting as if none of this has happened, and our social circles are far too entangled for this to not have repercussions if I were to pursue things with his girlfriend - and he doesn't deserve this, either. But we can't deny the feelings that we have for one another.
Any opinions on what to do? I've no idea where to take things from here, other than separating briefly from my girlfriend in order to think things through.
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At least you have friends to be involved with.
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>>18451516
Anytime you are in a relationship with someone, there will always be someone else whom you feel stronger passion for. The hardest challenge of a long term relationship is to reject that passion for your partner. You guys fucked up badly in that regard. If I were you I'd try to patch things with your GF, and then ask if in the future after you prove yourself can you be friends with this other girl again.
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>>18451531
To add to this, if she refuses to allow you to remain this girls friend after you prove your faithfulness then I would consider going for this other girl. Basically talk it out and try to return things to how they were.
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>>18451536
She's (supposedly) okay with me being friends with her and doesn't want anyone to be hurt. But she doesn't want me going out (hahaha) with her - not in situations where we can be alone. Or to areas which have a lot more weight, places where we often went to during this brief fling. Which can be somewhat justified, I suppose. I just feel very chained right now. Gilded cage and all. But it's nothing that's not deserved.
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>>18451548
The more you build the trust back up the looser those chains will get until they disappear. It is rare someone would allow you to remain friends actually, rarer still to be with a girl who worships the ground you walk on. That is a gift anon, but it is also good to have close friends.
Take my advice with a grain of salt though unless you feel it is useful. This month I was in your GFs position, I allowed my SO to remain friends with someone like you. I too worshiped the ground they walked on and I spend around four years with them. Well, a week later I was told that I wasn't as good as their friend and that they want to try to be in a relationship with them. I snapped and got in a fight after fight with them for the last two weeks, now they are gone. I was going to ask them to marry me next month. So I am a bit jilted myself.
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>>18451577
Oh my fucking god, man. It's ridiculous, but I'm actually in tears here, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry, that's horrible. I really hope things get better for you. And thank you, thank you for the advice. I can't promise I'll take it, or that I'll do the right thing, or that I won't do what your SO did, but I really hope things get better for you.
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>>18451516
Lemme spell something out for you champ, you and the other girl took a huge steamy shit on the relationship dynamic the moment you started harboring feelings for one another in secret. It's good that it's all out in the open now, it's slightly less shitty of you to be honest with your girl about your infidelity, but this is the situation. There's not going back. She's not being unreasonable in her demands. Like you said, your social circles are too entangled. That's how this came to pass in the first place.
I see 3 options and only one of them gets you anything like what you want. First you just convince your girlfriend that what happened with the other girl is over, never going to happen again (and fucking mean it, don't fuck up even more by lying to her again) and you just can't blow off your friend. Maybe she accepts this and you at least get her blessing to see your homie again, probably not. If that doesn't work, you either take her at the ultimatum and stop seeing your friend and the girl, or you leave her and then you'll be single and maybe maybe not still cheating on your friend (that you supposedly broke up with your girl for).
Everything's a clusterfuck and it's all your fault, try and make the best of a bad situation.
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>>18451536
>faithfulness
OP was unfaithful the whole time
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