Feelin guilty maybe one of you anons can help >dated a girl

I hear learning to crochet a noose is all the rage in hobby communities out there.

>>18447238
>Gay guy sexually assaults a guy in another thread, and we all assumed he was a woman at first
>"Aw it's okay buddy! You'll learn from your mistakes"
>Says he gay
>People continue acting nice

>Straight guy possibly sexually assaults girl
>First reply is telling him to off himself

The sexism is very real. Since this dude is a straight male he's evil and should kill himself, according to you, but I doubt you said anything to the gay guy in the other thread.

Look man, I think you're in the wrong here, but not knowing the situation, I'm going to go out on a limb and say this girl knows how you are and wants to make you feel even shittier about the situation.

Truth be told, no doesn't always mean no. I learned that recently. A no can be a playful "See what works with me".

You, however, sound like you got into a situation where your girl wasn't in the mood and you kept trying til she submitted. Grey area stuff. I've heard many stories from girls that were friends of mine where guys acted like this and they didn't act like it was "rapey" or "sexual assault" just annoying. It confounds me to this day. So this guy you didn't want to have sex with at the moment, you just gave in because of persistence? Well okay then.

So she's taking advantage of the fact that you're probably a guy who would feel bad about what she's saying. She wants you to feel like shit. And you know what? Maybe you were in the wrong here. But to me, the text isn't doing a service to the whole story. Guys beg for pussy all the time to many rejections and it's not making girls go cut themselves when they finally concede.

>She never really talked to me about it

And that's the big thing here; communication. There was a huge lack of communication in your relationship and it's why you're in the situation you're in. You pressed on when she said no, and that was your first mistake. She should have been more clear, but you should have stopped at the first hint of reluctance.

>>18447274
I just wish there was something I could do
I never meant to use her and it makes me feel awful that we did shit when she wasn't in the mood
So I'm just lost and confused
I had no idea about any of this and when she told me I just felt sick, still do 2 months later
I don't know how to fix this mess or if I even can so that's why I came here

>>18447274
>There was a huge lack of communication in your relationship and it's why you're in the situation you're in.

Going along with this guy's advice (or girl since sexism is real). Why don't you to talk to her? Like over a cup of coffee or something?

>>18447302
She has a new guy for one

And I have no idea what to even say
I apologized from the bottom of my heart and she said I was insincere

>>18447292
>I just wish there was something I could do

Nothing really, you said sorry and that's pretty much all there is to it. It seems to me that the whole situation was just a catalyst for her to cut.

>Never meant to use her

And you didn't.

>Makes me feel awful we did shit when she wasn't in the mood

This is what tells me it's grey area. It wasn't "not in the mood" sex. Which married couples have all the time. You didn't fucking pin her down and tell her to take the dick whether she wants it or not. She just begrudgingly went "Ughhh okay. Fine." And didn't communicate after.

Unless she got noticeably physically resistant. Then that is bordering on rapey/sexual assault. She's not framing it that way though, she just felt used by you. Something she didn't communicate. Not your fault my dude.

>Fix this mess

Well, you're not going to be able to be with this girl. So I'd say just move on from her. All you can do. You apologized, she's not interested.

>>18447221

She has huge insecurities stemming from fuck knows - she is effectively pushing them onto you and convincing herself that you are the problem so she can avoid confronting the fact that she has self-esteem issues. Its kinda like a trust thing but that typically stems from being unable to accept ones self and assuming no one else does either, so when someone actually does accept them they convince themself its a trick.

Common with people who have parent issues, usually mommy rather than daddy, not so much abuse but more so neglect and lack of feeling loved and cared for.

Id bet anything her childhood reflect that to a T. Sad part is there is nothing you or anyone can do to help them because they can only recover once they recognize the roots of their issues and take steps to overcome them. Other people telling them doesnt work, obviously, because of trust issues.

Sorry youre dealing with this. Youre not the bad guy here, you did nothing wrong. These types of women tend to attract guys who are very caring and they happen to be absolute poison to those guys.

>>18447349
Jesus man
You literally described her spot on
Like i don't even know what to say

>>18447349
Not OP but I was that caring guy who dated one of these girls. Everything was going great until her friend met this guy who pretty much started using the girl to get into her pants. This girl was also jealous I was taking her friend away and would keep inviting her out or guilt tripping if she said no. Double bullshit

We ended up at the point of "I don't want a relationship right now" (read: with me) and barely talked for months. Then she came back and wanted a second chance.

She kept asking why I don't care about her as much as I did before...well, I mean, look what it got me the first time?

I think I loved that girl but staying together was also hurting my self confidence and dignity knowing i was some second option

>>18447355

Sorry man. I hate to say it but you gotta let her go. Playing hero and sacraficing your own emotional wellbeing to help heal hers doesnt work - again thats the nature of people with trust/intimacy issues. Its a fucked, unwinnable situation. It doesnt mean she is a bad person (and again, you arnt either, youve done nothing wrong and you are a perfectly decent man and lover - it is SO important that you internalize this and accept that you are okay) but you shouldnt waste your time on her. Its shitty because you are probably a guy who only wants to see her happy. It wont happen though. The harder you try and the more you care, the more she will push you away. The worst part is that as soon as you accept it and walk away, she will start to reel you back in. It is critical that you recognize this is her fear of abandonment talking, not her true emotions. She physically is not capable of having a real, loving connection with someone because she is incapable of loving herself - because of this she feels anyone who cares for her must be lying.

Let her go. Im not saying ghost her. You may wish to tell her these things and explain her issues (google "fear of intimacy", its the umbrella term that describes this stuff) to her. You may be the catalyst that helps her help herself. But again, you cant be with her. That healing process will take her years and likely therapy.

Im dealing with this shit right now. Met a wonderful and painfully cute girl with these same issues. I saw all the red flags, knew what i was getting into, and ignored them because i tried to be the hero that saves her. I failed; not because of me, but because her psychology cant be fixed by outside pressures. Its a painful lesson for me, one i knew already, and now im learning again. So i let her go. Its terribly hard to keep away when she starts showing affection to me again and presenting the illusion that things will work - its all a mirage though. Soon as you break, she will push away.

>>18447372
Sorry, Using the friend to get into my girls pants

>>18447389
She ghosted me the second after we split up so I don't have to worry about no contact
Thank you though I appreciate it

I should also mention these types of girls are absolutely addicted to having positive male attention. Doesnt mean they will be a slut and sleep around, but they typically will keep a harem of beta orbiters who shower them with kindness and desire. They crave the attention. They also tend to be extremely into social media, many times its as if their phone is physically and permanantly attatched to their body because they just cant get away from the constant stream of validation the beta orbiters provide.

By continuing to care for her emotional needs while getting nothing in return, you are effectively becoming one of her beta orbiters. She does this to you because it puts her in control and makes her feel safe; she now has no obligations to you while you tell her how wonderful she is - thats all she wants - the validation from males. Soon as you take it away, she will chase you, because her insecurities demand that she prove her worth to you. And even though shes getting all this validation, it doesnt make her happy. She needs it but it wont bring her joy, because she doesnt trust any of these guys or their intentions. It only deepens her issues.

Again, let go of this chick. And learn to recognize the symptoms of this so you can steer clear of other girls with these issues in the future. You cant save them, no one can, only they fan save themself. Sometimes you might think "this girl is different though, i can fix her heart" but it doesnt work that way and it hurts to learn that the hard way.

The only way you can keep these girls is by basically being the "jerk". Someone who uses her and doesnt validate her - she will know shes being used but because she craves the validation she will stay with the "jerk" in hopes of winning it.

>>18447411
That kinda sounds like she had some one already before the split.