So you want a more stable relstionship... Arguments are unavoidable.

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>>18445305
No doubt, some of you will try to pick this apart and argue every niggling little detail or even criticise it for being too general. Well, to those of you so inclined, I simply have this to say: this is what worked for me and it may work for you. I make no claims that this will fix your relationship problems but it may just help you if you follow this advice.
My wife and I have a few very simple ground rules when it comes to disputes. I will outline and briefly explain them here.

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>>18445308
1. Absolutely no physical aggression. There is no reason at all for it. No hitting slapping biting spitting or throwing things around. All this does is assert physical dominance in an attempt to bully one another into giving in.
2. Don't involve friends or family.
It isn't fair to bring someone in on your side. The fight is between you two and seldom is the occasion where a third party will be fair and objective. 1vs1 becomes 2vs4 and so on and it only serves to make things worse.

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>>18445313
3. No name calling and insults.
They don't further your point and the only outcome is offense. This behavior is only ever harmful and has no place among people who love each other.
4. Don't try to "win". You are arguing because you don't agree. You may or may not be "right" but bullying people into submission does not change their opinions. It goes to the old adage: "a man (or woman) convinced against his (her) will is of the same opinion, still."
Your goal should be to foster a greater understanding of your thoughts and motivations behind your own actions and you have a responsibility to try to understand your partner's as well. That leads me to the next point

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>>18445316
5. Fucking listen. You don't have to agree with what your partner thinks but you should make the effort to understand what they feel and why. It's important to let them speak and not interrupt. Don't just sit there thinking about what you want to say and ignore what they are telling you. Understand that some people have difficulty articulating their thoughts and may not be able to just "spit it out". This takes time and effort. At first these talks may take considerably more time than you think they should to be expressed.

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>>18445321
Lastly, avoid blame shifting. Statements with a lot of "you" puts people on the defensive and can close them off when openness and honesty are what you both need. Instead of saying "you pissed me off when you did (x)" try something like "when (x) happens I see it as (y) and it makes me (z)". And of course be mindful that you are not always going to be right. The quote "love is never saying you are sorry" is the biggest pile of horse shit anyone has ever uttered. Maybe you aren't remorseful for your actions but at the very least be prepared to express that you are sympathetic and did not desire the negative response. You might not feel sorry for what you did but you can at least be sorry for how they felt, even if it was not your own fault.

When you understand each other's motivations and thoughts better you'll find it much easier to resolve fights. Sometimes the only favorable outcome is an agreement where mutual dissatisfaction is the outcome. Compromise is important if you really love each other. Remember everyone is the hero of their own stories and everyone's lives and experiences forges them differently. Completely agreeing with anyone is impossible and sometimes all you can do is try to bridge the gaps.

If you both understand and follow these guidelines to the best of your abilities then you may find that you fight less and what fights you do have will be much less intense.

Good shid fatman, now get your lard ass back on discord and praise Jusky :pray: :pray:

Whilst this is mostly good information, it's bizarre that you think you've
>developed a way
Lots of people have been settling arguments civilly for decades. Google active listening.

t. happily married for 19 years

>TLDR
1. Dont slap her
2. Dont bring reinforcements
3. Dont insult
4. There are no winners
5. Listen before you open your mouth
6. Dont look for culprit

>>18445328
I agree with you old man, but it all boils down to who wear patns in the marriage and who is willing to bend his back for the sake of the another.

So i bet in your marriage it was always you who backed out and accepted his wife approach to solutions right?
>do you have two concrete examples where have you "won" and she agreed?

>>18445396
Aight poor choice of words.
What i mean to say is that I did things the wrong way at first and over time learned better ways to go about things

>>18445403
It's been a give and take sort of thing. I'm not always right and neither is she. I typed this up for one anon in particular, so knowing his attitudes and headstrong nature it is geared towards his current outlook

Bringing friends and family is exceptionally stupid because you vent and you still love or care for your partner and most of the time now your friends / family have a strong negative association with them and it seeps into everything and causea far more problems than it is worth to release your feelings by venting.

>>18445410
Where did your tripcode go fantomas?

>>18445419
I changed browsers and forgot to stick it back on. That was me though.

Honestly if it seems pandering and a little condescending that wasn't intentional. I made this thread for someone who lines up with typical /r9k/ types.

>>18445430
God damn it i did it again

Anyways I hope this helps at least one person.

>>18445305
>Anyone who says they never argue with their SO is a liar or in denial.
Sorry, but I had never any arguments with any of by bfs. The worst that happenend was that he once didn't like some cloths I recommened him.

If you're not retarded or with an unstable fag, you wont have to argue. Just deal with things like an fucking adult.

>>18445571
Said like an inexperienced youngster

i really hope nobody actually is in need of getting those thing stold as they are the absolute fucking basics of communicating with another human being. there are a lot of even more subtle nuances that will lead to the result of feeling like you "never argue", since you actually don't argue anymore but instead have mature conversations with the mutual goal to find a solution.

>>18445615
>Nah, I'm in my early 30s, my man a couple years older. 4 LTR, current one for 5 years. Most people with relationship issues are simply stupid, as in low IQ. The higher it goes, the less relevant stupid shit gets and at a certain point you will only argue about abstract things and principles instead of daily bullshit. We're both at around 130. That's also why in the other extreme dindus are so aggressive. Also, you should not select a female which thinks she can use her hormonal changes as an excuse to behave like a bitch.

>>18445672
definitely agreeing with that anon. the advice you gave is only necessary for white trash that grew up with screaming and hitting alcoholic parents and never learned how to deal with different opinions on a subject in an intelligent way. then they think that people who never argue are in denial, just ecause they don't manage to do so. ofc there are the hyper idiots who just ignore issues till they explode in their face, but that is a whole different level and has nothing to do with the other possibility for couples who don't have arguments/fights.

>>18445684
>only necessary for white trash that grew up with screaming and hitting alcoholic parents and never learned how to deal with different opinions on a subject in an intelligent way
To be fair, that's sadly how nowadays most people grow up in the west thanks to liberalism, feminism and resulting single mother households, producing the objectively worst conditions for kids. The numbers don't lie. Then they grow up to be trash young people which never learn how to deal with their shit like adults, and rather act likes children, trying to reenact their lost childhood.

Broken people produce broken kids which don't even know that it's not how humans are supposed to live.

>>18445717
i grew up in a household with a screaming snake of a mom and an alcoholic and physically and emotionally abusive dad, basically the epitomy of white trash. it took me some time to learn the basics like op posted, but i did and now i don't have any sympathy left for people who just blame their upbringing. it's lazy and disgusting.
but you're right, that's usually how it goes down. i still don't know what made me avoid the abyss that closely, my sister didn't make it.

>>18445734
>it took me some time to learn the basics like op posted, but i did and now i don't have any sympathy left for people who just blame their upbringing.
> i still don't know what made me avoid the abyss that closely, my sister didn't make it.

Yeah well, that's probably because your IQ is above average. Stupid people (everything under 100 in my humble opinion) simply isn't able to figure shit like that out, let alone by themselves after getting brought up by trash. My pedo-sandnigger dating whore of a mother which tried everything to brake me was just the kind of person which isn't able to understand what she did wrong even if you explain it. My brother came later and also didn't make it out. I tried to help him but he's sadly too stupid so I cut ties for my own mental health.

>>18445752
interesting. my iq isn't very high either (110 last time i checked), but my sister really never even bothers to think things trough or figure out better ways to deal with issues. it boggles my mind that she can't comprehend even if i tell her.

so far i was convinxmced that iq isn't set in stone and you can easily get those numbers up if you care enough to not let your brain vegetate, but this got me thinking.

>>18445791
>so far i was convinxmced that iq isn't set in stone and you can easily get those numbers up if you care enough to not let your brain vegetate
Nah, IQ is according to current science between 60-80 percent genetic and what's left for nuture isn't changabledue to the fact that nurture depends on those people which gave you your genes in the first place. The only thing you can do is fill that glass to the brim, but you can't make a jug out of a shot glass.

Also 110 is already above average, which I would consider a good white IQ. Not too high to think about killing yourself and not to low to let others want to kill you.

Good for you, make the best out of it, anon.

>>18445638
I didn't realize so many soccer moms were on 4chan

Bump?

Hah