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Hi, I asked about this on another board but I have a feeling

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Hi, I asked about this on another board but I have a feeling this board would have other perspectives that might be helpful as well.
>girl has had off and on crush on me since we were 14 (we are 21 now)
>when we stopped spending time together, she became friends with my sister to get closer to me
>fast forward to now
>haven't spoken in several years
>she starts interning with my mom
>asks me out
>i turn her down
>99.9% sure she would still go if I asked
I'm not sure if I should go for it. I don't really agree with a lot of her lifestyle: she's a borderline alcoholic and lacks self control in a lot of ways, which bothers me because it reminds me a lot of my mother who has similar problems and has left me with some hangups about it. She's also been a bit more promiscuous than I am, has kinda hurt me in the past, and isn't really very attractive physically. It might seem like I'm overthinking something as innocent as a date, but it feels really hard to just go out on a date with her without it inherently being serious, considering that we've known each other for so long and she's been friends with my family members for a while now as well.
On the other hand, she has for the most part been kind to me when we were friends, and was one of the first friends I had when I went to high school (I moved to a new town). I'm admittedly kinda alone in life, and haven't felt affection in a very long time. I guess the fact that she is still interested in me after all these years is endearing.

I don't know. Give me advice, insult me, ask questions, whatever you want
if the first thought in your head isn't yes then don't do it. Or tell her to change her life style and you'll give it a chance. Its up to you though
Never Settle.
It will only lead to more complications in the future.
She's an alcoholic and is very unstable. Do not date toxic people or you might get destroyed as well, not necessarily form alcohol overdose, but your emotional health might be at risk.

Listen, I've had quite a few cases in which I had the opportunity to have a gf, but all of them seemed unstable. As the saying goes, you need to love yourself before loving someone else. Negativity around you will only bring you more negativity towards you. It might sound a bit cliche, but at the end of the day you kind of adapt to the people around you, your surroundings. You are who you spend time with.
Date women who are stable, it is your supposed life partner you're choosing after all. If you want to support her with her shit you can do it as a friend, no need to be her partner.

At least that's my perspective.
Okay, I appreciate all of the advice. Thank you. I just feel like I'm probably going to die alone at this rate, and I guess it makes me a little bit desperate, but I think deep down I know you all are right
Don't think about that. Try to improve yourself and do thing to meet people if that is your problem, there are plenty of fish in the sea, trust me.
Also it got me curious, why do you think you'll die alone and shit? If you wanna share that of course
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Hrmm, well lots of reasons I think I'll die alone. I'm not the ugliest person in the world, but I'm definitely not a hunk by any means. My body isn't all that attractive despite daily exercise, because I don't cook. Really though, the biggest reasons are psychological. I'm exceptionally fucked up in the head, and no amount of therapy or medication has ever even made a dent in my mental health problems. I don't have any hobbies or interests, and I hate doing things. I'm very behind on my education because I switched majors and dropped out for a year for intense therapy. I don't have very many friends, and I have very little romantic experience. I feel like I'm pretty much destined to settle or be alone
No one is destined to be alone. You just have to change your ways and fix yourself up.
You don't have any hobbies or interests? Then find some, go to classes, start doing things and go places where people do these things. Education is not a problem, people doing their second degree are way older than the people in their class yet they still make friends.

If you don't know how to make friend then perhaps you should look into why this is happening and be honest with yourself.

Just so you know, I used to be a shut in and didn't have any real friends, but then I started fixing myself and eventually got some friends, not popular at all, but have friends nonetheless.
>You don't have any hobbies or interests? Then find some
part of the problem is that my depression gets in the way of enjoying anything. I don't like to throw the illness around as an excuse but I had genetic testing done that showed that my brain doesn't properly metabolize neurotransmitters like dopamine or serotonin so I don't take as much pleasure from things as other people.
>education is not a problem
If you aren't in a career, you can't attract worthwhile mates. Nobody wants to be with a loser that can't support himself
>look into why this is happening and be honest with yourself
I know why I don't make friends. Despite being lonely, I don't like people very much. I'm not a very good person, and I find people boring at best and irritating more often
you might be exaggerating this. plenty of people enjoy a drink and get drunk every now and again without being full-blown alcos.

why not take her out on a date and show her a good time to prove you can enjoy yourselves without getting shitfaced?

she sounds nice and warm, but perhaps your standards are too high from years of watching crap on TV and pron.
you probably also lack life experience, it sounds like. not criticising you, but perhaps you ought to reach out and be more human, you might enjoy it. good luck dude.
If you actively go out and meet people. You will not die alone. But if all you do is think that and keep to yourself, you will die alone. If you don't change what your doing your going to keep getting the same results for whatever it is.
I appreciate you offering another perspective. In regards to the alcohol, it is pretty bad. She frequently gets black out drunk and was known for getting naked in front of people, puking in other people's beds, etc. She has said herself that the drinking is a problem.
>you probably also lack life experience
>reach out and be more human
You might be right. Thanks for the advice
>If you actively go out and meet people. You will not die alone.
I hear this a lot, both directed at me and other people online, but I don't really know what it means. As I described here >>18443141 I don't really have any hobbies or interests and the likelihood of developing them anytime soon is low, so chances are I am going to be alone unless I fake a personality
The thing with the dopamine is an issue that is out of my league, I have no medical knowldge whatsoever, however you could always try to force yourself to do things, what do you have to lose really.

If you think you're not a good person then try to change that. Don't say "Oh its who I am". Everything is perspective, try to see the good you can do, what benefits it would bring to change.

If you find people irritating then try to sympathize more with them, try to see why you think they are irritating. You might want to talk to your friends about it (since you mentioned you don't have very many, but someone is there for sure) and tell them to be completely honest with you. Try to have an open perspective on why people seem the way they do to you.
Either it is that or you're hanging out with the wrong people.
Its not really about faking personality, but just having a different approach to your already existing personality.

Force youself to have a hobby, try shit gain and again. As I said earlier, what do you have to lose? That time is better spent trying stuff out than staying in the same situation for the rest of your life, that's for sure
shit yeah, that's problem drinking right there.
all the same, not necessarily an alco, just unable to handle the booze, and unable to not do it when she goes out.

so my advice still stands: why not ask her out and show her you can have a nice time without puking the place up and spending the night talking to the porcelain telephone? you surprise both of yourselves.
>force yourself to do things
Yeah, but doing things you hate, day in and day out, is exhausting. And it wouldn't be helpful to meet people that way, because if I didn't enjoy what I was doing, I have to pretend to enjoy it anyway to make and maintain the connections. I know it sounds like excuses, but trust me, I spent 6 months living in a new town with a team of counselors that spent 3 hours a day with me making me try new things and activities, along with other therapy stuff. I never got anywhere
>why you think they are irritating
I guess it's because people are a lot of work for very little reward, from my perspective... I don't think people (including myself) usually have very much interesting to say, and aren't very entertaining, but it takes a lot of energy to interact with them anyway
>why not ask her out and show her you can have a nice time without puking the place up
I worry that it would be impossible to just go on a date with her, no strings attaches. I mentioned it in the OP, but we've known each other for so long and she's pretty close to my family, so if I went out with her and gave her the wrong idea and it didn't work out, I think it could lead to a very awkward situation for a lot of people
re: date
you don't have to go all mushy and romantic on her ass just because it's a "date". maybe it's not, you're not showing up in a tux in a limo with a ton of red roses, are you? no, you're going out for lunch/coffee/ a stroll in the park, or whatever it is. maybe keep the explicit idea of romance away from the proceedings for now, and do stuff that could conceivably be interpreted as friends stuff (make sure it' fun, though). and then take things from there, you'll see pretty soon if things are romantically compatible in that kind of ambiguous setting since she'll more than likely try to make an effort and bridge that friends-lovers gap. that means the ball is in your court.

don't overthink this, it's not that awkward at all.
Hmm. I guess that's possible. I'm seeing her at my mom's work on friday so I'll see how I feel then
good on you. get in touch with her beforehand, mention you want to see her/talk to her when you'll be there. you know the score.
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