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Don't know how to deal with borderline ex-gf 2017-06-20 08:37:30 Post No.
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Don't know how to deal with borderline ex-gf 2017-06-20 08:37:30 Post No.
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Hey /adv/.
I came on here a couple weeks ago about the fact that me and my BPD girlfriend of then 5 years were on the rocks; you might or might not remember me.
Long story short, I fucked up and watched porn while hanging around the apartment a couple months ago. She found out and was super upset, even though she apparently had been doing the same behind my back for months while telling me that I wasn't supposed to.
We separated for a month or so, and then talked about the relationship as a whole and decided that it would be best for both of us if we broke up. We left on fairly okay terms, but not even 20 minutes later she started angrily texting me for hours.
She's always had problems since before we were together; she's attempted suicide a couple time, and used to cut before I got her out of that. She has huge abandonment issues because her parents split when she was younger, and would get angry at me when I left for more than a day to visit family. There's a whole bunch of things I'm not mentioning that she would do, but she would constantly get angry at me every week for a couple days until I fixed things. If anything, she was good at controlling me.
Now that we're not together, I'm trying to process the aftermath of our relationship. She's the only girl I've ever been with, and we've been together since we were 16. We're both 21 now. I was terrified of now being with her, just because everything else is so unknown. Although I know that the breakup is the best for me, I still miss her; it's only been a couple weeks though. The thing is that she told me that she's much happier without me, doesn't miss me at all, and has gone off the meds since we broke up. My friends have seen her on tinder so I'm guessing she's already looking for someone new.
Gonna dump some papes if anyone's interested.
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>>18437103
Do you guys think it's possible that she really is fixed without me? I'm glad for her that she's happier now, but I don't see how all those problems are resolved by me leaving. Is she just telling me these things so she feels better about how things are? We talked today and it's crazy but she makes me feel like I'm the one with BPD, not her. She blames everything on me, and can't explain away her actions and the things shes when I ask about them.
How do I get over this and her, /adv/? I know she seems to think she's stable now but I don't think she is. I don't know what to do. I made mistakes, but she was abusive through most of our relationship. I realize this has turned into more of a vent at this point than a question haha but if you're still reading this I appreciate it.
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Shameless self-bump
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>>18437108
I think men and women deal with break-ups very differently, and I'd be wary of trying to divine her feelings from her actions.
Furthermore, why try to interpret them at all? This is a time for you to be thinking about what YOU want, outwith her.
Forget her mental health, focus on yours.
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>>18437103
If she was abusive as you say she was, then stop giving a fuck. If she says she's ok and stable, and you're happy for her, then stop giving a fuck. You're too reliant on her, because she made you so. It's time to get out of the comfort zone and leave it and her.
Best case scenario (0.001% of happening in my opinion) - She still wants you, you'll get back together and she'll be better.
Worst case scenario - You don't engage with her like before and leave the subject behind. (You can even consider it as best case scenario desu)
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She's saying these things to further manipulate you. By saying she's stable now, happier without you is her trying to make you feel like her problems were due to you. She wants to make you feel as little as possible to potentially make it feel like she's taking pity on you if you guys get together. So it seems you're the one that needs her and not the other way around.
BPD people are great at manipulating people. My best friend went down a familiar path as you, and broke up with his BPD ex-gf. He was depressed after the break up because he still loved that girl, but knew it was for the best. Since he has been getting better she has started to do pull some manipulating things on him.
Just go no contact. She's toxic.
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>She broke up with you over porn
>She's allowed to watch but not you
>Suicidal
>Parent issues
>Anger issues
Nah senpai, you dodged a bullet. That's manipulative behavior.
Just thank God you got out before it was too late.
Like the fact that you can type all the shit she did to you and you still feel like shit means you got abused pretty bad, I highly recommend therapy, or seeing a counselor if you're still in highschool/college and talking to them about whats going on.
Get on tinder and meet people like she is.
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been there before, though very briefly, and if I could move back the clocks, believe I would, to before I stuck the D in cray-Zee.
block e-mail, phone number, all social media. refuse to engage in any way whatsoever.
get word out to your acquaintances that things have ended due to irreconcilable differences, say it sadly without anger, and then in hushed tones mention certain "issues" that lead to this breakdown. the break-up[ was a mutual decision (or she initiated it).
that's your official line, stick to it. it won't be easy (i. they're fucking nutjobs, ii. you'll have gotten used to getting free pussy by now) but don't fucking go near her again or you will regret it bigly.
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>>18437103
>>18437108
Alright I'm going to hit you up with the sad truth.
1: She's probably pretty upset that you two broke up.
2: She is not better after breaking up with you and is most likely even worse off and going through a manic phase.
3: Her stopping her meds and telling you are a cry for help, and one of the worst things she could do.
4: Bipolar disorder is a horrible thing, and not healthy for you to burden yourself with, breaking up and moving on will be for the best.
5: I'm sure you're very attached to her and she is to you, but finally getting the fuck out of the relationship and moving on will be for the best.
6: (varies from person to person)Finding a new relationship will probably seem extremely important to you and having a new feeling of loneliness will come on. It would be best to realize that a relationship isn't the most important thing in life, and may seem difficult to find a new one. Don't let this effect your decision making, and focusing on yourself for a little while might be the best move.
7: If you are missing out on people, fucking around might be the best decision, make sure you're careful of std's though.
>>18437210
Doing this may very well help you move on, and requesting people stop informing you about your ex if it sucks to hear about isn't a bad idea.
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