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what's the difference between nagging and adressing annoying

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what's the difference between nagging and adressing annoying behaviour in a mature way?

my fiance does some things that i think are really unnecessary, but also no reason for a full blown "talk".
if i, for example, simply tell him "can you please make sure you don't put your toothbrush into the glass dripping wet, because all the moisture gathers there and starts to smell really disgusting if i don't clean it out daily"?
what if i have told him things like that already and he still doesn't do them? do i have to either keep cleaning up behind him like a little kid or have to accept living in a filthy household? if i have to keep reminding him, i do feel like i'm the classical nagging wife and i really don't want that. but i also don't want unnecessary work or be disgusted with my home...

what do?
>>
Nothing wrong with telling your 'other' off in that way at all. You asked nicely, he didn't take the hint. So you won't feel like the 'nagging wife', get him his own toothbrush holder deep enough that it doesn't spill over and NEVER clean it. You already stated it's not your job to constantly clean up after him. Enjoy your filthy toothbrush honey!
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>>18433786
>into the glass
get a toothbrush holder, they're made for wet toothbrushes. like I don't understand.
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>>18433834
what about other stuff that i can't just let him "rott in his own filth" if it bugs me? like him letting his dirty clothes lay around everywhere? i just feel like it makes me look like a fucking witch to ALWAYS remind him to please pick up his dirty socks in the living room, but i also don't think it's my job to pick them up for him and i really don't like it when they just keep laying there.
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>>18433786
>;'If you and your partner are disconnected from each other, reaching for each other for closeness becomes very difficult. We start to put up walls and get argumentative and defensive with one another.

So how to stay connected? It’s by giving before seeking to get. Be willing to hear your partners needs, seek to understand their point of view from a non-defensive stance. Be curious and open to your partners thoughts and feelings. Even if you don’t agree, seek to understand. Be respectful, kind and affectionate. Make it a safe place for your partner to be open with you. Be responsive to your partners needs.

Once you establish that re-connection, it becomes easier to ask for what you need. Be assertive in asking what you need rather than complain about what you are not getting. Complaints don’t work, they just result in pushing your partner away. State your experience (talk about yourself, not your partner), then clearly state what you need and why.

For example: “Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all there is to do around the house, and when it’s up to me to take care of it, I feel alone, like the burden is all on me. And I really need to feel like I have a partner. I know you do a lot of things outside of our home that contribute to our life, but it would mean a lot to me to have some more help inside the home.” Of course this seems oversimplified to make a point, it can be hard to reach for your partner in this vulnerable way. Sometimes it’s easier for us to just attack or criticize, but that won’t work to bring you closer or to get your needs met.'
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>>18433863
you're really not going to like being a mother.
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>>18433847
that was an example. he does other similar stuff like just letting recycable stuff sit on the kitchen counter instead of bringin it to the bags we have in the cabinet. it's like 10 steps and i tried it out, he just LETS THEM SIT THERE. i waited two weeks, then we had guests over and i couldn't just let them there.
sure, i could work around it, but i also don't think it's asking THAT much to just tap off the excess water. it takes a mere moment...
>>
>>18433877
i have zero problems doing that for a kid. but he's a grown ass man, there's a distinct difference.
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