My boyfriends sex drive has dropped significantly. We're

>>18430097

How much weight have you gained since you got into the relationship?

Might seem like a troll question, but for us guys, even a few pounds can make you go from erotically chubby to fat or from perfectly shaped to imperfectly shaped.

>>18430097
How much have you changed compared to the first time you've got into relationship? Like weight, fashion, face.
I don't intend to put you down, but have tried perhaps change yourself like the old times, the times when you tow at your peak of sexual activities? That would be the easiest way.

The other way is to directly ask him, guy normally will just say the real reason without withholding anything. If by any chance he's still withhold things, try the first one, change yourself like the old times at the peak.

>>18430101

I've lost a lot. I go to the gym five times a week, cardio and lifting, plus I do additional exercise (swimming, sports, hiking) on the weekend.

I completely understand the impact weight gain can have on a relationship, but in this case it isn't an issue.

>>18430101
>>18430110

Also, I just wanted to make it clear (as I don't think I did this in my original post) - I don't need to know reasons behind his drop in sex drive, as we've discussed it and I already know.

It's more how I can deal with this, and stop attributing it to my own shortcomings. I don't want to keep blaming myself for something that isn't my fault and I'm worried that if this continues (me attacking myself),I'll lose any confidence I have and lose interest in sex in the process.

>>18430097
Did he give you a reason why?
Is he less attracted to you, or just less horny in general?

>>18430117
>I don't need to know reasons behind his drop in sex drive, as we've discussed it and I already know.
Telling us would be helpful. We can't find a solution if we don't even know the cause.

>>18430120

It's a myriad of things. Our sex life was amazing in the beginning but he had an ongoing addiction to valium which he had been using for around five years. Shortly after we got together, he told me he wanted to stop using completely and he did. This was around eight months ago and he thinks this is a result of that.

Now he's exercising regularly, eating better and trying to get back to how he was.

I believe him when he says this, it's just frustrating dealing with something which has no time frame. Sometimes I'd prefer it if the issue was with me, as I could work towards changing it. At the moment, we're just waiting for something to click and I've no idea how long this is likely to take (forums say anything from a few months to two years).

He said he looks at me and feels the urge to fuck, but then gets this sinking feeling in his stomach where he loses all sexual feelings.

>>18430117
Well if you've already discussed it and reach the conclusion that it's not your fault, then I don't see any reason to make fuss. Except if you're not telling us something, so you'll still feel guilty about the shit.

Again, stop overthinking snf being so insecure about the sexual performance. Focus on other lovey-dovey relationship stuffs like travelling, experiencing new things together, etc. Up and downs in sexual activities are normal in relationship anyways, and you could always focus on another thing together if that happens.

>>18430121

Apologies - see my previous post :)

>>18430129
Did he have help of a doctor to give up his addiction? Is he getting any professional help at all currently?

>>18430130

Thank you. You make a very good point. The rest of our relationship is wonderful, he's my best friend and I'm completely in love with him. This just blindsided me a bit, as our sex life went from 10/10 to practically non-existent and I have issues with my self-confidence anyway. It's so hard to focus on it being his problem, and nothing to do with me (although that's issue).

There is nothing I'm not being honest about - what would I have to feel guilty about?

>>18430137

He did it all by himself. He went to a GP initially to tell them about his addiction, as he had been buying it from the internet. The GP, for some odd reason, prescribed him a huge dosage for several weeks of usage.

He started tapering it down himself and after about a month, stopped completely. It was a huge achievement and I'm so, so proud of him for doing it.

>>18430144
As much as it's great that he's off it, the lingering effects are a sign that he still needs professional help.

>>18430148

Is there anything in particular you'd recommend? Speaking to a GP or maybe something more specific?

He's doing a good job of managing the side effects and as I said earlier, forums say it can take anything from a few months to a couple of years to fully recover.

>>18430152
Since he does feel the urge and desire to fuck but then just gets a sinking feeling and doesn't, it's likely psychological. Has he discussed why his addiction began at all?

Either way, a psychiatrist will probably be more helpful than a GP.

>>18430158

Thank you. Yes, he began taking valium immediately after his dad passed away. As far I understand, he is very accepting of this and the drug use was more because his life at the time wasn't fantastic either and it all just accumulated.

Although we've been together for around 18 months, we've been friends for several years, so we've discussed all this openly before even getting together.

>>18430169
I'd say he needs proper help then. At least he's off the stuff but he's still a little off mentally. Just be supportive.

Being affectionate and loving might also help with sex drive too. Feeling wanted emotionally can be as strong as being wanted sexually, so keep that in mind. Do some things you both enjoy and just be close with each other. Watch a show you like, lay close together on the couch, rest your head on his chest in bed etc.

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>>18430129
>He said he looks at me and feels the urge to fuck, but then gets this sinking feeling in his stomach
He lied to you. YOU have lied to us about your appearance, or your hygiene, or god knows what else. He is not attracted to you, not anymore. And he's lying to you because he doesn't want to hurt you, "since everything else is going well" in your relationship and he's afraid of losing you. Like a weak-willed, past addict he is.
Now, you'll deny my accusations, and will refuse to change. Your relationship will only last for another 5 unhappy years or so.

>>18430195
>Your relationship will only last for another 5 unhappy years or so.
Interesting prediction since you could say that of any relationship ever. I also predict there will be a hit song released in the next 5 years by someone with the first name James.

>>18430195

You're right, although I haven't lied about anything so far.

So how exactly should I change?

>>18430199

Thank you. I thought it was a harsh response but they kind of blocked themselves from any comeback by also predicting I would deny their accusations.

>>18430204
>haven't lied about anything so far
>how exactly should I change
Psst.

>>18430211
>I thought it was a harsh response
No shit. What did you expect? You omit the details, misinterpret the facts you've laid out yourself, then proceed to victimize your booboo, talking about how weak he is, how much he's gone through and all that garbage. I'm telling you: he doesn't want you. Period. A man would fuck a tree if it approached him first, and you've lied to us about your physical shape. "Oh, but I s-swim and, and", no you don't. Or to no avail, which is the same thing.

Fix yourself first, then see if your miserable husband changes. He doesn't? Well, you dump him. The only thing you can actually fix quickly, is your dishonesty with yourself. This is the advice you came for here, and you can either waste your time getting patted on your back, or cut to the action. And I already know which choice you've made, because no amount of words on the Internet will be enough to break through your touch, fat-reinforced shell.

>>18430221
i don't think you've actually read anything in this thread.

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>>18430221
Please don't listen to this dumb faggot OP.

>>18430225
>>18430227
Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Enjoy the pats, OP. Free ego boost for a failed lover, like a remedy to deceased.

>>18430221

But I haven't omitted anything. You've made this up in your head. I asked how I should change because I wanted you to elaborate on your original response - by the sounds of it, you're searching to be vindicated for being right, so I appealed to that. I wasn't admitting fault.

I have zero reason to lie. Where have you got the idea I'm fat from?

You seem to have some bee in your bonnet about this situation. I'm really sorry it struck a nerve, you sound genuinely very mad.

>>18430225
>>18430227

Thank you anons. I won't ignore him though - I came here for advice and I have to accept that not all responses will be positive and reassuring.

His bitterness kind of overrides any genuine advice he might be trying to give though. Nothing he is talking about is relevant (although I do understand the difficulties people face if their partner lets themselves go).

Perhaps one of his ex partners gained weight, or it happened to him and his partner lost interest. Either way, it stinks of projection.

>>18430247
I don't think his opinion is at all helpful since it's all based on his assumption that you're grossly overweight and unattractive, which you aren't from what you've said so far.