>Be me >Lonely, friendless >"I should start going

Get a hobby like rock climbing or art of any kind.
Rock climbing = you'll probably go to some sort of gym, which usually (from my experience anyway) has a sort of "community," people will take turns and watch each other climb, they're open to newbies, etc.
Art = something to talk about, something to show pictures of, share FB info over. Then you can also hang out in art communities without being too awkward.

>>18429291
I do art. Or, did. I sketched for most of my life, trying to learn anatomy, but I never got my art to the point where I'd no longer be embarrassed to show it to somebody. Definitely not anything I'd share online. I think I gave up because despite practicing for hours a day, every day, I just hit this plateau and couldn't improve. I dunno if my brain has a hard time interpreting and translating visual data or something. I try to look for the basic shapes, angles, flows etc. in references, and I just can't see them. I also can't get clean, confident lines. Everything is all feathery because I keep on going over them, and it just makes the whole thing messy and confused because without definite lines, you can't really place the forms that they connect to properly.

Tried my hand at watercolor... Couldn't do anything but blobs.

I play guitar, but it's hard to get much out of that unless you play with other people. I write songs, but can never finish them, and since I don't really do the singer-songwriter thing, they are songs that only make sense in the context of a band. I could do the bass and guitar parts, I guess, but I don't drum and I'd never be able to play live, I could only upload some shit to SoundCloud or whatever.

I go to the gym, but just to work out. Not sure if rock climbing is my thing, but maybe I could think of something similar that would expose me to others. Drawing a blank right now.

As for Facebook, got rid of that a few months ago (when I started trying to make friends). All it did was depress me because I could see how fulfilling normies' lives are. I didn't have a single photo of me with friends, doing something fun, traveling, whatever, because I don't so those things. I decided I wouldn't reactivate FB until I had things to put on there. Also, I feel like it's common for people to look up people they just met on FB out of curiosity, and I didn't want the friends I was trying to make or the girls whose numbers I got to see my page, smell that I'm a loser, and lose interest. Especially when it comes to dating, girls all want somebody with an interesting life and social proof.

>>18429403
Don't separate yourself from them by using the term "normie". Its just showing that you identify yourself as different than them, which is the opposite of what youre going for.

What's the list of skills I must master in order to become a normie?

fuck op are you me?

I too would like some /advice/ on this

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>>18429785
>Don't separate yourself from them by using the term "normie". Its just showing that you identify yourself as different than them, which is the opposite of what youre going for.
This x1000.

How do you want to be 'a normie' if you identify yourself as something else?
It's all a matter of perspective. Did someone ever tell you that you are different from other people and not meant to fun and friends? Or are you telling this to yourself?

If you think that you are different, you WILL be different.

>>18429273
>>Try so hard to be normie
>>Just end up watching other people have fun and still being lonely, despite my efforts
Now I'm going to give you a meme advice and tell you to just be yourself.
What does that mean? Do the shit you enjoy, talk about the stuff you enjoy, look for people who enjoy the same stuff you enjoy.
Being yourself is not about 'trying hard', nothing you have to endure, it's the exact opposite.
Think of yourself as deserving of fun and friends, it's not something you have to work hard for or try hard for.

>>18429403
>Especially when it comes to dating, girls all want somebody with an interesting life and social proof.
Do you let any girl define your life as interesting or boring? YOUR life must be interesting to YOURSELF. Then the people will come into it because they will be drawn to you.
If you don't like your own life, why would anybody else? Ever heard the term 'before you can love somebody else, you have to love yourself'?
This is what it means.

>>18429928
>Did someone ever tell you that you are different from other people and not meant to fun and friends? Or are you telling this to yourself?

Nobody's ever told me in words, but in actions (ignoring me, ghosting me, talking with their friends about inside jokes and locking me out of conversation, not really being interested in any of my input and just going "neat" and switching to a more interesting subject, etc.)

I've had a couple girls tell me that they couldn't see me getting a girlfriend.

>YOUR life must be interesting to YOURSELF.

Easier said than done. No money to travel. No friends to have adventures with and have interesting stories to tell about. No time to practice anything that fulfills me after work and school drain my energy. Don't even have time to watch movies/tv to talk about that to people. Seems like you need to be connected to have an interesting life in the first place.

I know I shouldn't feel like I need to accomplish X, Y and Z before I'm worthy of friendship and love and dignity, but if I were really "enough," wouldn't my life reflect that?

I wondering, what happened to all the misfits and uggos? Did they round them up and shoot them?

>>18430681
>Don't even have time to watch movies/tv to talk about that to people.
Isn't that a good thing? It means that you work hard, value your education and place your focus on things that will help you in the future. TV isn't all that great. In my opinion, it's mostly time wasted.
If you want to do other stuff but don't have the time, you have to MAKE yourself have time. If something is really important to you, you WILL have the time for it.

>Nobody's ever told me in words, but in actions (ignoring me, ghosting me, talking with their friends about inside jokes and locking me out of conversation,
How old were these girls? Because that's what immature people do. If it happens to you with too many people from all ages, the problem is probably you not understanding social cues or showing insecurity. You shouldn't care too much about other people's opinions.
>not really being interested in any of my input and just going "neat" and switching to a more interesting subject, etc.)
What were you talking about? Not everyone wants a deep discussion about life and the universe and philosophy, most people want only smalltalk. People also think it's polite to just switch a topic and ignore what you just said if they don't like the topic. NEVER act insecure or pissed.
>I've had a couple girls tell me that they couldn't see me getting a girlfriend.
That's like, their opinion, who cares. See what made them say this and try to improve yourself, but don't think less of yourself because they said this.

>>18432038
>Isn't that a good thing? It means that you work hard, value your education and place your focus on things that will help you in the future.

I dunno, I used to make dean's list every year, but then I took this honour's class with an impossible workload and I barely handed anything in, and it also caused me to not be able to hand in some assignments in other courses during the semester, even the easy ones. I got deferrals, but anxiety and depression and lack of motivation/energy prevented me from being able to keep on top of them as well as the new semester's work, and I just ended up missing more deadlines. I'm two months into summer and feel broken and mentally incapable of doing any of this shit. I'm no longer functional. School was the only thing I really had going for me, having a high GPA and all. Fucked that up in a single year and now I'm just defeated.

>How old were these girls? Because that's what immature people do. If it happens to you with too many people from all ages, the problem is probably you not understanding social cues or showing insecurity.

Girls in my age range (18-23). The only girl I've ever had straight up tell me she was no longer interested instead of just ghosting me was the very first girl I took out when I started making an effort to get numbers and talk to girls. She was very polite and sweet about it, which is weird, because those dates were incredibly awkward and I fucked them up so badly. Then there's this girl with whom I really clicked and who seemed really into me. Talked for hours, she often texted first between the two dates. Had a lot in common. Then, stood me up for the third date and never communicated with me again. Like I'm nobody, just something she scraped off her shoe. It's funny, I'm not even hurt about all the other girls that ghosted me since then, but I was really into her and it's been almost two months since I last saw her and still can't get over her, despite trying to move on and date other girls.

>>18432038
>What were you talking about? Not everyone wants a deep discussion about life and the universe and philosophy, most people want only smalltalk. People also think it's polite to just switch a topic and ignore what you just said if they don't like the topic. NEVER act insecure or pissed.

I do like to talk about philosophy (analytic), cool science stuff (armchair interest in physics, cosmology, and biology), politics, and social issues. If the person doesn't seem into that, I move on.

But even my small talk is boring. People get bored of really basic talk like "what countries have you been to? do you have any siblings? what are your hobbies? where did you grow up? man, exam season is intense, isn't it? how about that weather? hat's your favourite movie?" Conversations that play out like a game of "20 questions" are very boring (pretty much the sort of convos I had with that first girl I took out).

People seem to be drawn to people who have interesting experiences and funny stories to relate. Something funny happened at this party, when I was traveling in this exotic country, this happened. My friend of mine once did X and it was hilarious. Etc. You don't have these sorts of stories if you don't have friends or experiences. And so you can't get friends and experience things. It's a cycle.

I don't know how many times I've gotten that occasional boost of optimism and gone "I'm gonna get fucking shredded and become really accomplished and pursue all my goals and be more social and people will like me," only to end up in the same place.

>>18432424
>You don't have these sorts of stories if you don't have friends or experiences. And so you can't get friends and experience things. It's a cycle.

I've been thinking if it would be a good idea to meet up with anons but then I came back to my senses.

Do they still do goonmeets? Did they ever do them in the UK?

>>18432506
Only meetup I'm really privy to is that infamous /fa/ meetup that became a minor 4chan meme.

>>18433375
>infamous /fa/ meetup that became a minor 4chan meme.

What happened?

I subscribe to this theory that it takes roughly 100 hours to get to know somebody to the point where they think of you as more than a random face/name. Of course this could be less in a more intimate setting where you are talking a lot and getting questions asked and answered, or more in a more formal/casual setting, but it means that generally 'getting to know people/meeting people' is bullshit unless you can create the prerequisite contact time.

This is why it is quite easy to make 'friends' at school and college, but after that point you are stuck with people from work. You can try going something to socialise and meet people, but if it is just an hour a week be prepared for it take a long ass time to make up those hours.

So adjust you expectations accordingly. If you are talking about a club or something, unless you are a key individual it can take months to build a level of familiarity if you are used to remaining on the wings.

Anyway, even now I recognise my ever shrinking social circle as people from my past physically move away, drift apart or die. I want to take steps to fix this as my girlfriend (10 years younger) gets really stressed out by me being 'antisocial', but it is very difficult. I will occasionally get thrown a bone, some random person I'm talking to will invite me to a party or a bbq or say 'hey you should come skate with us!', but honestly, I am not that excited to take up the fairly limited free time I have with social activities which are likely to either not work out or be actual shit.

Like I might have 2 weekends a month free and between hobbies I want to do (essential diy, projects, holidays) and things I don't want to do (chores, research, some family things) I might have a weekend free every few months and with those I'm happy to travel the country or to another country to see old friends who I actually love to spend time with. It is just 5-6 times a year instead of 3-4 times a week and yeah, eventually I'll lose some.

>>18433649
>This is why it is quite easy to make 'friends' at school and college, but after that point you are stuck with people from work. You can try going something to socialise and meet people, but if it is just an hour a week be prepared for it take a long ass time to make up those hours.

I sort of pointed at this in adv many times by saying it's a lot harder to make friends after 25 if you haven't got the hang of it by then. Most social groups are formed by then, even niche-orientated circles.

Bumping cos if you solve this /adv/ would disappear overnight.

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>>18433588

>>18434478
>black top and bottoms

Never visited the board but I though /fa/ had a sense of style. This what I wear COS I have no sense of style.

>>18429273
Some advice people will give you will come from people who have never been in you position and they can't possibly understand. So, they just say "be yourself", "go out and have fun", and other ideas (I'm not saying all advice like this is from people who haven't experienced it). I've had a similar issue on and off for a decade (on much much more than off), especially when I graduated uni years back. I nonstop work for money that barely pays the bills so I've got non to spend, can't move because of legally being responsible for someone else locally, I have an inconvenient autoimmune disease and severe chronic fatigue issues so it can be difficult to do anything when it working, I sometimes get a chance to go to the bigger cities and try to socialize, despite my many different approaches it's the same response, and small talk is impossible for me to achieve without sounding like I'm reading from a script despite how natural it sounds in my head. I joined an acting theater before I started working 14 hours a day and that worked and I met some great people. Sadly though it was a 45 min drive from my place and all the people there were from even further away. Eventually it dwindled and we can't even keep small talk going, shame really. I could go on and on with my story, but I won't waste anymore of your time. To sum in up in my opinion not only are none of us born equally, but we are not given the same chances in life. Join a video streaming community or look online for other communities that share your interests even if it's on 4chan or plebbit, while this didn't work for me it might for you. As terrible as it sounds at first go to a bar sober at midnight on a Friday night and have a a few drinks till you're mellow and by then most patrons will be drunk and be much more sociable and while no choice is ever 100% reliable trying new things and pushing yourself is helpful and try to hold on to the feeling and if you can't dine beat yourself up

>>18435543
Yeah, it does seem like we've all got different lots in life, and that it isn't always a matter of just "doing it." I feel you on circumstances impeding your social life.

I do use some online communities, but it's just not the same as real friendship. If anything, 4chan and Reddit tend to be time sinks that I could be using to do something productive.

Sorry to hear about the barriers to remaining in contact with the people you met in theatre. That sucks.

There have been times where I've been buzzed at pubs and got into conversations with total strangers. It always feels good at the time, but you go home knowing that neither of you will ever use the numbers you exchanged. You meet strangers, and you part strangers.

>>18429273
Take enough benzos to be able to socialise. Repeat until you're able to socialise without benzos. It's that simple. Do it with people at university, work or some hobby like a language course or dance lessons.

>>18435695
>I do use some online communities, but it's just not the same as real friendship.

I really regret not diving in into online communities when that stuff was still in it's infancy. Hell, even joining an online furry community might not have been a bad idea. (Maybe.)

Bumperino

>>18434460
>the theory of everything (adv)

>>18429273
>Try so hard to be normie

This is your problem, anon. You don't "try to be normie." You are a normie. Okay, maybe you are not, maybe you are, nobody knows. The point is, you gotta start with the attitude that you are a normie. If you're already thinking of yourself as some social outcast, some creepy weirdo, don't blame people for thinking that way about you.

Before other people can love you, you gotta learn to love yourself first, anon. That's the key to happiness. Don't even try to make other people attracted to you, firstly that never works, and secondly that is something that WILL happen naturally when you are already happy being yourself.

So guess what? Forget about everything else. Forget about the unnecessary worries. Focus all your attention and effort on improving yourself physically and mentally. Appreciate you for who you are not matter what, and appreciate the amount of effort you put in to better you.

That's what B.E. yourself really means.