Why do people continuously pester me about getting more "experience"

>>18420178
You are literally me, i got married though and ignored these kind of things.

I guess they want you to stop from midlife crisis one day or they want you for themselves.

>>18420178
no reason for this crap; only if you were only going together for a few weeks and 16, but it seems as though you have a stable relationship.

>>18420178
It's mostly because a lot of shit people take advantage of their first relationship because the person doesn't know how to tell they're being lied to or falls for dumb tricks.
As long as your bf isn't trying to seperate you from people that would protect you like family or close friends, and he genuinely respects you, don't worry about it, at all.
If you're right, and it sounds like you are, you are super lucky and should count your blessings and enjoy your many years together. Not many people find the right person on their first go.

>>18420178
people who have previous partners often end up wanting to explore again after they get married. You might get curious later on if you stay with your first but chances are you would get curious anyways if you had previous partners.

>>18420178
Here's the logic:

First, It's not about having sex with more people. It's about experiencing a relationship with other people, to gain perspective.

Second, most people get into their first long term relationship when they are relatively young. Like high school, college. You and your partner are not done maturing at that point.

Third, most teens have a small pool of people they have interacted with. Generally just people at their school. There's a shit ton of people out there, and just because you met someone you like in high school, doesn't mean there aren't a lot more people out there that could be a better fit for you.

>>18420249

with "there could be someone out there that's better" logic, couldn't that be true with literally every partner you have? her question was what's the logic if you're already perfectly happy with your partner and have been for a very long time, so your second point doesn't really apply either as I assume OPs probably already like mid-late 20s.

>>18420178

Ignore what others think, people are biased, ignorant and sometimes malicious and manipulative in their advice. People are different, you obviously know yourself better than anyone else so you will know what is important to you. Some people out there DO need to experience and explore before they are ready to settle down, and some don't. Some people get bored of their partners and start to long for that spark they had in the beginning, believing the grass is greener elsewhere.

My first relationship the girl I was dating believed I would eventually dump her because of this line of thinking, she thought because she was my first that I would grow bored of her. Needless to say we ended due to her infidelity.

>>18420292
And I assume OP's probably like 19-20. If you're in your mid twenties, then obviously that point doesn't really apply.

>>18420178
How many years and how old are you?

Only you can know the answer to your relationship. You don't HAVE to "explore" other options but you might end up wondering what could have been. This is why people are telling you to explore.

If you two really love each other, and you're really happy, and you're willing to work through you're problems, you're fine, dude.

>>18420178
Ignore them and keep dating your qtie. They are all idiots.

However dont marry or have children until both of you are 23+. Personalities changes a lot when you finally leave puberty behind. And living 1 year together before marriage is good practice too to see how long term compatible you are.

Good luck!

>>18420178

not all advice is good anon. Most people dont have any clue what are they talking about - especially those with "experience".

Youre happy and screw all the good advice uncles around you. Fuck them.

>>18420403
I completely agree with this one. I am with my partner for 4 years now, we lived together for 3. In this time span so much has changed, but in a very good way. I think living together can really help you understand if this is the right thing for you.

>>18420178
You're lucky, most people are just jealous at you and want to destroy your happiness. If you're happy, don't listen to them.

Yeah I really loved my first girlfriend, too.

Until I met someone else and realised I never loved anyone.

>>18420403
This.

I am 24. Been with my boyfriend for 10 years, lived with him for 6. We both agreed to not get married till we are both properly adults, settled with our careers and old enough.
Before that you're just asking for trouble.

They're pretty much projecting themselves into you, because that's what they would thought if they were in your shoes, if you're happy, there's no resion to worry about it, just be sure to not marry your bf until you have figured out what you really expect from life in a long term, people who marry young do it mostly from unrealistic expectations and end up divorced short after.

Maybe the ppl giving you advice are telling you your partner is an asshole and exploiting you but are too friendly to tell you straight out

>>18420448
That's quite a achievement, you survived the most dangerous years for relationships, congrats.

>>18420463
not quite
its 7 and 15, 15 is the hardest to pass
>>18420178
because after 20years of being togather you might wonder what it would have been like with someone else

its not for sure but it happened before that younglings were madly in love and it ended in a disaster after a few years because they just didnt know themselfs

>>18420463
Considering that we did quite a bit of long distance in between, I feel like we are basically immortal.

Weirdly enough, no one in my family ever met their SO after high school. My parents have been together since my mom was 16 and my dad was 19, my grandparents met when they were 15 and 17, my aunt and uncle met when they were 12, my cousin and her boyfriend met when she was 11 and he was 13. Only exception were my other grandparents but she was 14 and he was 25 when they met. Still kinda counts... r-right?

>>18420465
I'm talking about age, not the relationship itself, but what are you basing this information on? i'm curious now.
>>18420468
But times were different, values were different, nowadays we have a culture who promote promiscuity, but its good that you have successful examples in your family, your grandparents case is kinda scary for me but it might be a thing back there.

>>18420178
>Why do people continuously pester me about getting more "experience" before I settle down?
I can 100% guarantee the women telling you this are either women who became moms too soon or sluts your age who are upset your reputation isn't as bad.

>>18420477
Sorry for the all "buts" btw, I must be sleepy.

>>18420477
>nowadays we have a culture who promote promiscuity,
I don't necessarily agree with this.
My parents grew up in the 70s right after the 1968 sexual liberation, my dad had much more casual sex than any other guy my age. He literally fucked the moms of two guys that were in my class in high school - made for a very awkward parents - teachers day.

>your grandparents case is kinda scary for me but it might be a thing back there.
My grandpa was born in 1921 and my grandma in 1932.
He was a sailor. They met right after WWII ended in 1946. He was about to spend the next couple of years on a submarine in the atlantic or some shit.
He saw her coming back from school and literally yelled at her "if you are still this hot in 2 years, I'll come back and marry you". He actually came back in 2 years, asked her on a date. They got married in 1954. Been together till he died in 2005.

>>18420477
relationships fail at around 7 and 15years of being togather, 15 being the final obstacle, i guess it has something to do with relationships arent stagnate, there are better and worse times, those years are chokepoints for being fed up/changing something about it

just look for studies, not magazines

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>>18420178
The research all says having fewer sexual partners gives you a better shot at a long, happy marriage. People telling you to sleep around first did so themselves and want you to validate their stupid choices.

>>18420178
They're jealous whores that want to see everything you've built crumble.
Don't listen to them, strengthen what you have.

>>18420178
I got friends that got together early in their teens and go married later without fucking around in between.

Result: Best fucking couples I know!

Ignore the shit people tell you there, they are just reassuring themselves for fucking their own things up.

>>18420357
>>18420348
I'm 26 and we've been together a little more than 6 years.

They say that because you have nothing else to compare to, they don't want you to sell yourself short.

>>18420178
It's just like anything else out there. Some people want to experiment and gain perspective before they settle so they know what they like and don't like, some people throw that to the wind and stick with someone, only to find out later they're not happy and wish they had done the former, and some people just never get out of the experimenting and new stage thing. These groups greatly outweigh the minority who finds someone early, without "experience", and is content with them forever, so they assume you're doing something wrong because it's not the norm. At your age, you should know yourselves well enough at this point to have an idea of if you are still in a mentality to want to explore or experiment. If you do not, I would likely guess you're set.

>>18420178

dont listen to them. what they are basically saying is 'end your relationship now so you can slut around when you're young'

which is fine if thats what you want but if its not, then why bother?

you love your boyfriend and you're both happy so why not enjoy your time together? im not pretending you guys will last to old age, but if you are happy why ruin that? its a myth that you wont be able to slut around when you're older.

cherish the people in your life while you have them. when they're not there you'll find other people or opportunities. to simply get rid of happiness how to 'explore' is dumb imo

and this is coming from someone who isnt ever going to get married and has spent my entire twenties just banging every dude i can. its fun, i love it, i would not trade it for the best of men, but if i had met the right guy i wouldnt fucking dump him just to sleep around.

enjoy happiness while its there. dont throw it away just because others say to. its the same reason i WONT settle down. im happy as is, why settle down just because im getting older?

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>>18420178
>Why do people continuously pester me about getting more "experience" before I settle down?

Literal sluts say that because they want to rationalize their poor decisions and lack of self-esteem as some kind of great idea. Junkies say the same shit, honestly. It sounds like you need better friends and your instinct is right, you and your boyfriend will be happy together. Don't let someone elses misguided life-views and shitty decisions destroy your life.

Literally every promiscuous person unable to form lasting relationships, and every strung out junkie has the same mindset, "Like oh, you just don't know what you're missing, I'M the smart and expereinced one and you'll never be as cool as me unless you debase yourself in the same toxic garbage"

Seriously. Trust your intuition. You and your future husband will live a wonderful and happy life and be blessed with beautiful children.

>>18420178
It's mostly about making an informed decision. It's easy to conflate 'first' with 'best' because, by the nature of it being your first, you don't have any point of comparison.

Picking a life partner is, arguably, the biggest decision in your life. The rationale is that it behooves you to better understand your options and have a clearer sense of what's out there so that you can say with certainty that you're making a decision based on the resolve that "this is the right person for me."

Marriage is tough. It can be tempting during rough patches to toy with notions of "Does it have to be this way? Would it be this way with someone else?" Having more diverse relationship experience to draw on so that you don't idealize alternatives with other partners can be helpful.

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>>18420178
All empirical, real, scientific data on the subject that has ever been compiled, points to the undeniable FACT that you have a significantly higher chance of having a lasting and divorce-free marriage the fewer partners that you have.

I could go on about what their rationale is to say those things to you, but ultimately it doesn't matter what they think, the facts speak for themselves. As each other's only partners for example, you have one of the lowest statistical chances for divorce of ANY other demographic or pairing.

Search your feelings and you'll find the truth. Don't let others drag you down.

>>18420178
Sex is honestly overrated, distracting, and a stupid addiction, not different from being a heroin junkie or hooked on speed. It's an addiction that is abused and rationalized by many people, and ultimately they are addicts and you need to understand that it affects their mind subconsciously and they can't help themselves.

You can though. You're not a sex addict. Don't lose yourself to addiction. It's everywhere and the vast majority of people are fucked up because of addiction to something that drags their reasoning to the ground and pulls everything around them with it like a black hole. Drugs, Money, sex, and even pride can reach dangerous and self-destructive levels.

You have a beautiful thing and you should cherish and protect it, and I have faith that you will.

>>18421208
I dunno man. I'm 30 and have a good number of friends who are married at this point. The ones who appear to have the healthiest relationships are the ones who at least did some dating before settling down.

My few friends who basically spun their first serious relationships into marriage are all in relationships that I would describe as highly dysfunctional at best. The running theme with all of them was that they were relationships between two generally good people who, frankly, weren't really right for one another, but would never do anything so egregious (e.g. cheat) as to burn the relationship to the ground, and tht run back to each other every time they actually look like they're finally going to face the music that "Maybe this just isn't right..."

I just think it's a REALLY important formative experience in life to move past romantic heartbreak at least once; to love hard, lose it, and eventually learn that life still goes on. And none my friends who married their HS and college sweethearts have that experience. In fact, I would say they're married specifically because they were afraid of that experience. Have watched most of their relationships really closely since we were teenagers and they all just stuck together out of absolutely crippling fear of abandonment in my opinion.

>>18421239
> important formative experience in life to move past romantic heartbreak at least once

You act like that won't happen naturally with a single life partner. They're going to have fights and make up, and that's a much better experience than teaching yourself that throwing someone away over petty disagreements and buying a new one because it's easier is a real option without losing yourself in the process.

>>18421251
this
>>18421239
how long did they wait to get married? i find that when this happens it's because they got married at like 19 or 20 or something

>>18421251
Two different things. You're talking about learning how to resolve conflict, compromise, and grow with a partner. I'm talking about learning how to recognize and accept when, just like you how you often have to be patient and stick with things, sometimes you have to let things go.

I agree that you should work and fight for a relationship, but I also believe sometimes it's run its course and simply isn't healthy. It's not quitting or taking the easy route to recognize that, and that is a learned skill that you don't really get if you're only with one person. Because we're not just talking about letting things go in general (e.g. a friend, a job, whatever); we're talking about letting go a romantic partner. And that is typically much harder to relinquish than most anything else.

>>18421256
The ones who are the worst in my opinion started dating when we were 19 and got married when we were 27.

>>18421280
> It's not quitting or taking the easy route

Yeah, it is, man. Come on. People aren't cars or material assets. They're human beings, like each other, and everyone makes mistakes and has ups and downs and needs a foundation to build on.

It's not an alien concept to people old enough to remember life without the internet. This new generation sees the world as a disposable, renewable thing. That is an illusion. People change us permanently, and we change them permanently, and it's unhealthy and unnatural to think throwing someone away is always an option. This isn't a trade deal, or an oil embargo we're talking about. It's not a business transaction, it's emotional bonds, and they are incredibly important, and don't develop in a healthy or mature manner when getting rid of someone when shit gets hard is always an option.

This conversation split the entire Christian church, so don't think you have the only answer, here. Some people are indeed incapable of forming lasting bonds, but there are still many healthy people that need that to develop into healthy human beings.

Just ignore them. They are jealous of what you guys have.

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>>18420178
It sounds like you already know the right path, in your heart. Why would you try to harm something so healthy and beautiful just to appease the whims of people who are clearly envious of the purity of your love for each other?

It's not even a question. Let your heart guide you to the truth.

>>18421302
I'm sorry. So then people should never break up? Everyone should stick with whoever their first romantic attachment is?

>>18421321
The simplicity of your world is an illusion. OP and her boyfriend love each other, know each other probably better than anyone else and want to be with each other.

It would be dramatically FUCKING RETARDED to even consider hurting that out of some misguided idea. You're the one trying to paint it in a color that you like. Look at it for what it is and tell me it wouldn't be fucking retarded of her to purposefully damage those bonds. If you think it's a good idea to cut yourself open because you want to learn how you will heal, then you're a fool.

>>18421321
Dude, are you on the same page here? There's nothing wrong with OP's relationship except for some whiny jealous cunts.

You people always throw in some black and white strawman instead of looking at the reality, here. There's no reason for her to do anything but love and cherish her relationship that she obviously, clearly, loves and idealizes.

>>18421329
Answer the question.

>>18421342
You're retarded dude, I'm not going to play this game with you dumb ass when all you want is a rationalization for your bad ideas. She should do the same about her jealous friends.

Fuck off, I don't even know you or ever want to.

>>18421336
I'm not talking about OP. She seems happy and the relationship seems healthy. No reason for her to rock the boat.

I'm responding more to the general notion that it is "promiscuous" or that the only reason someone might advocate for getting more general dating/relationship experience before settling down is because they're a slut and incapable of committing.

>>18421342
>So then people should never break up?

If they want to, sure. Does it sound like OP and her bf want to break up? If it does, then your reading comprehension is pretty bad, right, m80? I see what you're trying to say, but you're not right. You're painting your own little scenario to argue about.

>>18421352
>Does it sound like OP and her bf want to break up? If it does, then your reading comprehension is pretty bad, right, m80?

I'm still waiting for you to point out the place where I ever said anything OP and her bf should break up. Check your own reading comprehension.

>>18421321
lmao no one even said that retard. obviously you shouldn't fucking stay with your first bf/gf indefinitely but you should be able to judge whether someone is good for you or not after a considerable amount of time and a few arguments and if you can't youre a huge dumbfuck and aren't mature enough for a ltr. There's a difference between working through an argument/problems that you can reasonably and constructively overcome and having arguments/problems you shouldn't be having.

>>18421361
If you want to have a discussion of whether divorce is haram o halal, then I would remind you that is completely outside the scope of this thread, and you could actually ask some real religious scholars why the churches split like a log over the same exact subject, and find two sets of answers, I'm sure one of which will meet whatever notion you entertain.

If you think you have some dramatic new insight, spare me. The question is tremendous in scope and honestly, I believe the answer depends on both your genetic heritage and your cultural identity.

>>18421373
>lmao no one even said that retard.

Pretty sure that is almost exactly what was said.

>>18421280
>sometimes [a relationship] has run its course and simply isn't healthy. It's not quitting or taking the easy route to recognize that
>>18421302
Yeah, it is, man. Come on.

Stop speedreading. You're saying almost exactly the same thing I did.

>>18421321
>lmao no one even said that retard. obviously you shouldn't fucking stay with your first bf/gf indefinitely
What? Why not?

>>18421376
>If you want to have a discussion of whether divorce

What? I never said nor implied anything about divorce. Where are you even getting that from?

Again, just point out where I ever suggested that I think OP and her bf should break up, or stop trying to twist my words.

>>18420178
OP, I don't know what you're doing here, but if you haven't noticed, out of some miracle of insight, most of the people here got it right and agree that the jealous cunts are just jealous cunts and you should not derail your train of life over superimposed doubts.

I'm not sure anything more can be said, but you'll find this thread turn into a congress of insults before long because this is almost exactly the same kind of shit that literally split apart the Christian church (which has already been pointed out), which was pretty much the world government at the time, so imagine how incoherent a bunch of meme-frog millennial kids are going to be about the subject.

You can't deny the scientific analysis of the matter though. As each other's only partner, you have THE LOWEST POSSIBLE DIVORCE RATE. If that doesn't trump every know it all slut and harlot's opinion, I don't know what will.
Godspeed

>>18420178
because youre going to regret this someday and cheat on him

>>18421399
by you shouldn't stay with them indefinitely I mean if your first bf or gf ended up being a fuckhead and turns extremely abusive/manipulative or just literally doesn't want to work shit out with you have to leave. You cannot work shit out if the other person does not want to. not everyones going to find the a great person the first time like OP.

>>18421403
If you have something to say, why don't you say it, dude? Damn, you're acting like a confused bitch. Say what you think and let it be assessed. What you're trying to do now is play games. I'm not your mom, dude. Not going to play 20 questions with you.

I've already answered your stupid question, and it was obviously not in the little script you're trying to play out in your mind, so just say what you have to say, damn.

Nobody should be forced to be in something they don't want to be in, in my opinion, and it's not harmful to have one life partner, in fact, it's far healthier, by every measure and assessment made on the matter.

Now, why don't you try forming a thesis instead of trying to write out some prefabricated Q&A session with your personal strawmen?

>>18421427
but if they're not a fuckhead, there's no reason why the first relationship shouldn't work.

OP and her bf are obviously like best friends. Just because some people don't find it, doesn't mean others don't. That's some nihilistic, "If I can't have it no one can" thinking.

>>18421428
I've already said it. Multiple times. You just didn't actually read it or understand it and started replying to something that was never said.

Go back and fucking read because I'm not holding your hand through a point I've already spelled out clear enough for even a spastic 5 year old to understand. If you can't see the difference between someone saying "OP should break up with her bf" and someone simply pointing out that there can be valuable and unique experience to dating more than one person, then I can't help you.

>>18421436
I'm not trying to argue with you. I literally agreed with your first sentence in my first post. Did you literally only read the first sentence?

>>18421447
> pointing out that there can be valuable and unique experience to dating more than one person

That's not a unique experience. You're wrong. Valuable, maybe, like any experience, but only unique in the sense that everyone is different from each other.

What is truly valuable and unique is finding a single person who both clicks with you and you click with them, and everything else washes away when you're together. I realize it's alien to you and most people, but it's very real, and THAT, young person, is what is really valuable and truly unique.

And more than valuable and unique it's irreplaceable and not ever completely reproducible as a matter of basic biological fact.

>>18421473
Ok. You enjoy your ridiculous notions of thinking you know all there is to know about relationships because you found yourself a farm wife or whatever. The rest of us will live in the real world.

>>18421449
Also if you really need a reference,
>>18421373
literally everything I stated after the sentence you quoted coincides with what you have said so far about working shit out. the only thing i said was that the only time youre really justified in breaking up is if they're genuinely bad for you or unwilling to cooperate anymore (which you just agreed with) and that you dont need a million partners or relationships to be able to realize and accurately judge if it gets to that point (which also coincides with shit you just said). I even implied the OP obviously shouldn't break up with her bf because theyre perfectly happy. I literally have no idea where you were going with this shit bud.

>>18421491
I'm pretty sure you're all talking to multiple people and conflating it as a single person, here.

>>18421522
Regardless, nothing I said in any of my 3 posts in that chain contradicts what he said in this direct post >>18421436

>>18421208
>Junkies say the same shit, honestly
Reminds me of an ex. We were watching a movie and she tried to get me to smoke weed. When I told her that I didn't want to and that I didn't like the idea she got mad and called me close-minded

I don't have any problem with people smoking weed, I never judged her for doing it, but I'm not interested in doing it myself

>>18421570
Yep, same kind of thing, really. You probably didn't even act judgemental at all, but it wakes up her personal insecurities about it and so they feel the need to make "the other" seem silly or stupid or whatever rationalization is convenient to dismiss the perceived cognitive dissonance..

>>18421027
Ignore your retarded friends. Congratulations on getting lucky with finding a partner

>>18421027
It looks like you're reaching the end game, the advice that your "friends" gave to you would make more sense If you had just out of adolescence, because that's when people change their views towards life the most, leaving a perfect fine relationship to "find yourself" at this point would be extremely dangerous and pointless, since all the good man will arealdy be taken when you want to settle down again and you will probably end up married to someone who is not really what you're looking for fearing the thought of dying alone.

>>18420443
why?

My uncle literally got married after six months of dating and they are still together.

If you two want to get married, go for it. It is said to be bad in hindsight due to problems with people changing their minds.

Just know (at least by my rules), one shot at marriage. Divorce is bullshit. If shit is fucked up, fix it. You could do what my uncle has done.


Best
Of luck

>>18420178
People did that too, I assumed it was jealousy.

However after I broke up with my first (got together at 19 and lasted 6 years), I realized just how incredibly bad he treated me. I assumed all of that was just normal or stuff I had to deal with, and that some people just shut off their phones and disappear at night until 3am because you are too controlling. I could very much deal with him and I was happy even though there were miserable moments. In retrospect it bordered on psychological abuse. I was so hell bent on staying forever with my partner (we weren't married yet but we were quite traditional), so people didn't try the full frontal approach.

The thing is, you'll always miss out on something. If you stay, you miss out on the other experiences. If you leave, you could lose someone wonderful. There is no right choice. Are you happy in your relationship? Good, then stay. Are you not? Fix it or leave. That's all you need to decide on.

Little tip on the future: people always hand out advice that justifies their own life choices.

>>18423946
>The thing is, you'll always miss out on something. If you stay, you miss out on the other experiences. If you leave, you could lose someone wonderful. There is no right choice. Are you happy in your relationship? Good, then stay. Are you not? Fix it or leave. That's all you need to decide on.

Little tip on the future: people always hand out advice that justifies their own life choices.

Well said anon, well said... i hope you have better luck on your next relationship, you sound like reasonable person.