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Hello /adv/
Around 4 years ago I broke up with a long time girlfriend and it hit me pretty hard. She had cheated on me with my best friend. I was depressed for around 9 months and ended up moving to another city to try and start a new step in my life, everything in that city just reminded me of her.
Ever since then, although I don't love her anymore, I found it really hard to commit to another relationship. I'm not a great looking guy, but im tall and pretty average looking, so I've had some interest since then. The problem is I'm always too afraid to commit to it, and the girl normally loses interest quickly.
Anyway, cut to today. I havent had any interest from a girl in around a year. But recently, a friend told me that he knows a girl who is really attracted to me (we had met one night at a group gathering but I didn't really speak to her much). Anyway she seems like a nice girl, shes not normally the type of girl i'd go for, but shes still pretty attractive. The problem I'm having is that although i think shes nice to talk to and attractive, i dont think about her all the time like I did when i first met my ex. My heart isnt racing when we're together and although i think about her sometimes, its not too often. It's only been a week and a half since i knew she liked me, and we've met twice since then (both times with a group of friends, although i have asked her as of yesterday if she would like to go on a date)
I was just wondering if you had any recommendations? Do I keep meeting her and see what happens? Or do i call it off now?
I havent felt crazy about a girl in years, and I'm worried that i never will, so part of me wants to pursue this girl and see if anything changes. Another part of me thinks I shouldn't lead her on if ultimately it feels like i'm never gonna feel crazy about her.
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TL;DR - Had a bad breakup 4 years ago, haven't felt crazy about a girl since, despite a few opportunities and one night stands. A new girl likes me and although im not crazy about her, i think shes nice and attractive, should I still date her or turn her down and wait for someone new
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>>18419743
>A new girl likes me and although im not crazy about her, i think shes nice and attractive, should I still date her or turn her down and wait for someone new
It doesn't matter if you're not crazy about her. Being crazy about someone is what I would call blind love. That shit fades fast. If you think the girl is good date material, go for it. But don't go into it expecting it to fix your problems.
It sounds to me that you aren't over your ex. You might want to deal with those demons before getting into a new relationship. If you do decide to get into a relationship, you need to be CRYSTAL CLEAR about your past.
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>>18419739
Damn dude, my ex cheated on me with my best friend about eight months ago now. Shit's traumatizing. Don't try to push yourself into something you don't feel ready for. Just be honest with this girl about your past and if she respects that then win win.
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>>18419765
It really is traumatizing. I was with a girl and found out she cheated for 2 months and she went off and got engaged. It took me 4 years to get over it.
It's fucking hard, man. But he's right, if you don't feel ready, DON'T DO IT.
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>>18419763
I see, thanks for that. I guess i kinda knew all along that some girl isnt going to just come along and be the girl of my dreams. In regards to not being over my ex, I think i'm over her as a person. I sometimes see pictures of her appear on my facebook (we have old mutual friends who she sometimes gets tagged in) and i can honestly say i dont love her when i see her. What i guess i haven't truly got over yet is how someone that close to me could break my trust like that.
but maybe i can never really get over that trust without placing my trust in another person? I'm not quite sure
>>18419765
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you're not feeling too bad. If it helps, it does get easier. Although I still have issues from the breakup, i can honestly say i dont love her and if she ever randomly showed up at my door, i would turn her away. The main issue i have from it is just worrying about the same thing happening to me again.
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>>18419785
>i can honestly say i dont love her and if she ever randomly showed up at my door, i would turn her away.
This is exactly how I felt and it was the justification I used to get myself into another relationship. I wasn't ready for that relationship. It crashed and burned. You probably aren't ready, either.
You'll be fine, dude. You just need more time to grieve. If you want to accelerate the process, talk to a therapist. Not kidding. They're really helpful and there's no shame in it. And it will 100% accelerate the process.
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