I'm just going to start dumping my story, since the mods

>>18419206
Her father had been diagnosed with cancer just then. I told her I was going to work things out, and that her father had enough money to pay for top-tier surgeons and live a while, but she didnn't have a clear enough head to calm herself this way. She went on a serial relationship spree, cheating on me with these guys I'd only describe as "any takers." Those relationships were short lived. Maybe she doesn't care about people. I don't know.

When confronted, she denied everything and become so defensive that she started blaming me, saying I left her. I only left school, and got a GED to *advance* a year and go to college. I also visited her twice a week, spending the entire day with her, so I don't see what the damned difference was.

I remember one time, her dad opened up the door drunk, "Oh, you want me to go get her so you can have sex with her, right?" That was a pretty forward and drunk thing to say.
I said, "This would be a really long way of going about that, wouldn't it?" to which he just said, "Fair enough," and went to go get her.

Even uglier, I have also adopted my father's habit of being verbally abusive, which is a fucked up craft like what a drill nasty drill sargent does but only with worse intentions. It's white trash shit, not to be racial or anything.

So our relationship became really whacky and on-and-off, hot-and-cold stressful stuff, all the while her family came to resent and resist us being together. I was also a bit of an dumb kid then, so I didn't know how to act socially, and the parents held that over me a bit.

cont'd

>>18419206
>>18419207
Now that I've improved my life, I've dated supposedly better women who have supposedly had more to offer, but I'm starting to think that my fantasies of going great lengths to keep my ex weren't so insane...

The three women I've dated since her have come to me, and I was just driven to respond to them out of emotional desperation. That being said, my finger was always hovering over the "scold" or "dump" button if they ever tried to pull any shit. They were just puffed up phonies, and I was desperate to fill the void my ex left. These people were supposed to be somewhat of a score, at least for a small town person like me, but I couldn't see that or really give a shit, so that was short-lived.

Guy seems to think of her as low-hanging fruit, and my family said she was ugly. She had a dad that was very old and drank, and a mother who was not the prettiest, so that kind of explains it. Despite all this, she honestly looks like the most beautiful person to me. That sort of thing is (or at least becomes) subjective. Nobody excited me as much as her, not even really attractive women, maybe because I couldn't imagine having fun with someone who was really high on themselves.

If I was going to entertain the idea of being with her agian, I would have to make improvements, so I did.
>moved from a middle-class town of 5,000 to an upper-class town of 15,000
>went from being a drifter to renting a room in a nice house
>saw all the doctors and therapists that were necessary to see
>figured out how to get funds for school
>made close friends with (relatively) mature professionals, one who is a CEO
>had extended relations with two supposedly classy woms
>decided to go into the medical field instead of my other shitty idea
>get a luscious mane instead of being buzzed
This seems like a substantial improvement for a young person who found themselves sick and at rock-bottom.

cont'd

>>18419206
>>18419207
>>18419215
I could scavenge for leads, since it's such a small town. I've been operating under the assumpetion that such an idea is ridiculous, and she is gone for good, but I don't ahve the same interest in new people that I used to. My mind keeps drifing all over. These new people wear me down, and I only have an ounce of love left for them.

I have a few ideas for hobbies, but maybe those are just another pipe dream. More likely, I'll end up taking transit to work so I can slightly upgrade my clothing and have no perceptible effect on my own life.

All in all, do you think pursing again would be worthwhile? I just hope her dad doesn't shoot me or some shit.

end

apologies for typos

You can do it, but you will probably be disappointed. Yea, she was going through some shit when you broke up, but she may very real repeat those mistakes. Have you consideres that?

>>18419319
Absolutely. That's my second concern next to being shot. You seem like a level-headed guy. Any more insights into this sort of thing?

>>18419206
Too long op stop thinking so much it will work out in the end just find that bitch and get drunk together and have sex with her than wake up the next morning and dump her and watch her come crawling back 3 weeks late r

>>18419352
Are you drunk rn?

>>18419385
He probably is. All I can say is, be careful. The way you phrase it, she kinda sounds sociopathic. Cheat on you multiple times when you move a distance? This girl obvs means something to you, a connection to home, and perhaps an unresolved issue in your life. But she hurt you and you don't seem to acknowledge it. You could meet her, perhaps get together, and then what? That trust has to be earned.

>>18419492
I think she's fucked up, but not that. Thanks for looking out though, Anon. Sociopath or not, her behavior is a major cause for concern. Maybe Borderline or Histrionic. I have some traits myself. You often get them from certain types of home life.

I sure hope she's not a sociopath. I think she displayed empathy and love several times, which points me to other sorts of disorders. I don't think sociopaths cry simply because you're crying.

I knew an antisocial. They're successful, and yet, they have no goals. They're charming. They're devourers.

>>18419492
I don't trust so easily since she cheated on me and my family put me in the street. That about did it for my trust.

>>18419206
You're not in love. You're nostalgic.

You don't want to begin a new romance with this woman. You want to go back in time to the old one.

EVEN IF the two of you got together, it would NOT be the same. You've each grown and changed, and the person you are now and the person she is now would inevitably interact differently (and not necessarily better) than last time.

Time only moves forward. You can't recapture the past

>>18419982
That's insightful. You're all being very helpful.

>>18419982
>You can't recapture the past
nonsense, OP has captured it well it seems

>>18419206
>>18419207
>>18419215
You have a personal problem with being grandiose and egocentric. You're also focused too much on the nostalgia of your old relationship >>18419982, and were when you dated your "catches" as well, which is why you didn't allow yourself to mesh well with them. I'm telling you this both from what I'm reading here from you, and from personal experience with myself and a relationship I had for a few years and then on and off strained for a few more years right after I graduated in 2005. You've still got some growing up and introspective to go before you're ready for anything, and you'll likely find out if you do get back with her that the pedestal you've put her on is flimsy and will let you down.

>>18420993
Make a post that's too long and the smart ones come out.

I think his point was about how everything is slipping away. Even old memories become false, decay, and get pushed out of focus by new ones.

I have also have some PTSD, which is in some ways a degenerative condition.

We're all gonna lose our memories and thoughts as they become vague and eventually disappear, like us. For some it happens at 20 and for others at 80.

>>18421040
The mutual friend gave me a reality check, and she lives with her six figure earning family, so she's not going to do anything for money.

You're also right. How do I stop being grandiose and nostalgic? Maybe it's the only way to feel happy in the muck of struggling to get by.