Every night that I go to bed, I feel like life is so meaningless and will cry hysterically until I fall asleep. It scares my GF because itll happen out of no where.
We decided since our lives have been so stagnant that we would plan a road trip , at first I was excited but once the planning came into the picture I got overwhelmed and shut down, It has been 2 weeks since we started planning and I have made no progress, we are suppose to be leaving next week in 6 days and she is very upset that I have not planned anything out or booked anywhere to stay.
I don't know what to do. I feel horrible. I want to go but planning it out is triggering OCD and making me sick. Help please any advice will help .
Also, I have this crippling fear that someone close to me will die before me.. (cousin, GF, parents...)
Due to the loss of my older brother when i was young I have grown with this constant fear.
It makes me feel helpless, hopeless and out of control of reality.
I just want to end my life right now. why even live??
>>18412261
just try doing things, get up, exercise
go on a date with your GF, do something to make her happy. dont be selfish.
>>18412293
yeah, you're right.
but seriously, if anything ever happened to her I would end my life. I have not had any connection with anyone else ever and she is the person closest to me. I just cannot handle a huge loss like that again, I don't want to ever expeirence that feeling again. It makes me so sick.
>>18412309
Unless you change your current behavior you will eventually push your GF out of your life. Work on improving yourself. If you can identify your problems(which you have) it means you can take steps to better yourself.
>>18412461
I don't really know what to change, or how to
>>18412470
workout, change ur attitude.
>>18412261
Where are you from?
>>18412864
California, USA.
>>18412824
>change ur attitude
Oh, fuck off.
>>18412261
I don't know if I have any advice, OP, but I'm very sorry for your troubles, and I hope things pick up for you soon.
>>18412886
Go to CO
Find at least one main activity per day and fill in around it there's plenty to do:
Rafting
Hiking
Pikes Peak
ATV riding
etc.
Don't be a retard and pass up the chance to make some great memories.
>>18412261
Find a good therapist. If you don't gel with one move on. You have some serious issues you need to deal with. You will eventually push away your gf and others as it's tough to help someone who can't or won't help themselves. While everyone on here will blow up about meds they can help. Some are addictive so that's always a concern. Hang in there and don't give up. I didn't and I am a happy person now.
>>18412914
was thinking of heading to either colorado or northern california/oregon
any recommendations on where to go in those areas?
>>18412922
When I was there I stayed in Green Mountain Falls... it's a little town near the base of pike's peak but it's close enough to the cities.
It's 1:20 from Denver
30 mins from Colorado springs
1:10 from rafting on the Arkansas River
There are some good single track mountain bike trails close by if you're into that...
I've been back a few times...
Estes Park has been recommended to me as well.
Colorado is great and you can't run out of things to do even if you're an idiot.