What is the difference between being happy alone and being happy

Basically when you're clingy, you're trying to force the other person to act a certain way and you are behaving the opposite of what the person was at first attracted to. Your insecurity stifles you and the other person. To be happy in a relationship you have to be happy by yourself because you can generate good emotions without relying on anybody which is what women want to feel around you

>>18408335
Thanks a lot :)
It makes a lot more sense. Now I just need to figure out for myself how and when I'm clingy and if I can stop myself from being like that.

its a lot of assumption and ego that goes itno people saying that. but at the end of the day if being single results in you being long term depressed and hating life and constantly whining about being single, then yeah you need to learn how to be happy on your own.

>>18408368
Some tips:
-Try dating a couple women and get the word relationship out of your head, try to be honest when they do something you don't like and don't be afraid to end it if it's not working
-Exercise
-Watch a lot of comedy
-Have achievable goals you are working towards(be it career goals, social goals, hobbies)

>>18408379
I was happy on my own. I've had a girlfriend for a couple of years and she broke up with me because I was being too clingy and wasn't happy on my own according to her. Now of course, I'm not happy cause she broke up with me and I feel like shit. I just have trouble understanding all this. I was in a relationship with her (and she with me) because we enjoyed being together and it made us both happier. So yeah I'm happier with her. I have trouble seeing the line between making each other more happy and not being happy on your own.
>>18408396
Thanks. I'm not sure if I want to go dating yet, but excersise, comedy and goals will probably work.

>>18408413
Holding off on dating is the worst thing you can do. This step is by far the most important

>>18408413

the two arent mutually exclusive, sometimes there isn't a line.

its normal to be sad after a break up. but if you cant enjoy life once the break up is 'over' then you probably arent happy on your own and need to rediscover your self.

>>18408418
Really? It feels bad to do, I keep thinking about my ex. I'm still in love.
>>18408419
Any other tips to help rediscover myself?

>>18409066
It'll help massively in getting over your ex, trust me when you find someone else you'll basically get completely over her. You can get some new pussy or continue huddling in the darkness crying out for someone who will never come back

I think I get what you're saying, and of course being in a relationship is going to make you happier than being by yourself. I think what the "be happy by yourself first" thing is trying to say is that you need to be *comfortable* being alone. For example, if you're okay with being alone and you do things you enjoy and you feel like your life is good regardless of whether you have a relationship or not. Of course a relationship will make it better, but if you aren't okay with being alone--if you aren't comfortable with yourself--you'll depend on the relationship for your own happiness. Relationships should boost your already existing happiness, not supply it entirely. That'll drain the relationship and things will crumble, because depending on one person for your happiness puts a lot of pressure on them, and they aren't perfect and will mess that job up sometimes!

>>18409088
Thank you for the advice. I believe I've put too much pressure on her to the point she thought my happiness relied on her. And maybe that's true. I'll just have to live and show I can be happy on my own, even if it'll take a while to get there. Thanks man, what you said hit the spot and made me understand it more.

People tend to think too black and white about this. Being "happy on your own" doesn't mean you're necessarily happy to be single. It just means that you do enjoy the life you lead, even though you would like to find a partner.

Reasons for this are plenty. For one thing, if you are too desperate for a partner, you will likely get together with someone for the sake of getting together with someone. Which is a quick way to a shitty relationship, and shitty relationships can be very damaging to among others your trust in people/women, your self esteem, and how capable you are of emotional intimacy.

Other than that, though, people are simply much more attractive if they are happy and living a life that you would like to be a part of. Just like if you met your dream qt, you would rather be welcomed into a warm and loving family, be introduced to her pleasant friends, see her rave about her hobbies etc than have a girl who needs to cry on your shoulder about her estranged family members all the time, clings to you for lack of anything else going in her life and so on.
Sure, people all have pain and issues so it's not either being a happy fucker or depressed. But the more well-rounded, stable and nice/interesting someone's life is, the more it adds to their attractiveness.
And the simple fact that you derive enjoyment from your friendship, hobbies, (volunteer) work, family relationships, travel, education and so on makes you into a more relaxed, confident and welcoming person towards others than if you are consumed with negativity inside.