my libido has gone down to zero and i know why, but not how to

Do you watch porn?

>>18395492
You're probably taking birth control, aren't you?
Get off of it and you'll be desperate for coco within a few weeks ago most.

$20 says you've stopped flirting. Go to dinner once a week and flirt the whole time. All the conversations you used to have with the same type of eye contact. Tell him you want him to touch the small of your back as he holds the door open for you and pull you into a coat closet and make out with you at the restaurant. Get frilled up, do your hair up nice, he should do the same. See a nice movie and have his hands on you. Go shopping for lingerie, bring him, and try on different types, and show him.
You're not flirting anymore and not putting yourself in a position where he recognizes you want him to flirt with you. He will never, ever read your mind. You will have to tell him what conversations and behaviors excite you. He'll be happy to oblige in increasing your sexual desire, I'm sure.

>>18395492
>>18395492
What about your feelings for him? Do you kiss often? Does strangers/situations/ideas make you aroused outside you and him?

>>18396149
no. it has started to disgust me, even thought i have no problem with the concept and used to watch frequently.

>>18396164
no, i don't take any birth control.

>>18396165
i don't know how to flirt with somebody that i've been with for that long. it feels weird and unnatural because it seems like you have to push it. it's just not the same. i realized that i have no clue how to generate sexual tension past "the chase". how do i do that?

>>18396172
i do love him and we are physically intimate often. no, atm nothing arouses me...

>>18396349

The brain can easily be desensitized. If you've stopped watching it recently, you should give it time to sort yourself out. If nothing arouses you, you may be depressed, have thyroid issues ect..Try to sort your diet out, exercise and all that good shit...

I've recently given up gluten products, and my depression is gone. = more sex drive.

>>18395492
you are still looking for the thrill of the chase. you have already caught him, you need to teach him and yourself about arousal. and go back to the basics again.
>otherwise you be a nun who gets none

>>18396376
it must've been half a year and even before that, it was infrequent, maybe once a month. i've tried watching it again or different porn, but it just doesn't do the trick.

i was in therapy and on antidepressants before i met my bf, but since then i have gone off the medication (maybe since 1,5 years) and finished therapy (about 3 months ago). i wouldn't have done that if me or my doc would have thought i'm still depressed.
i got my thyroids checked about 4 months ago and they worked fine. my diet is very good and i exercise regularily. i also can't tolerate gluten, but that had been the case before and i don't think it has any impact on my libido now.

my gut tells me this is a mental issue. but i feel bit lost, i have no idea what to look for.

>>18396388
yeah, pretty much. but how do you artificially generate that? how do i teach us about arousal? what are the basics?

i mean, we do "flirt" as in exchange pda, say some silly "inappropriate" things, compliment each other, take care of our appearance, do stuff together, show each other we care, say i love you often, i don't know what else i could do. honestly, all that lovey dovey stuff just turns me off. i feel bad for it, but if we're about to have sex and he starts saying sweet stuff, that is an instant turn off.
somehow i can't bring my loving side and my sexual side together. it clashes and since he is a person that needs a lot of reassurance of "our love" it basically kills all sexual tension for me.

>>18396422

In that case, it sounds to me like it's a psychological thing. I'd advise you go see a therapist of some sort. Any stresses that you have in life will have a major impact on your sex drive. I was depressed for 4 years and felt asexual...

Also, did you get your hormones checked? Not just thyroid function.

>>18396439
i thought about going to a sex theapeut. but everyone i found seems like they couldn't help me. they all talk about shit like "opening your chakras" and "cleaning your aura" and i just donmt need that.

i also don't want to spend masses of money on this. somehow i feel like the infos needed must be out there and i just don't know what to search for.

yes, i got a complete check. it's all in normal range.

>>18396453
chakras etc is from the karma sutra. if you dont know what that is: its basically getting used to you and partners touch the hindu way...
yes the book is widely availible

Personally, I think you're depressed.

>>18396470
ofc i know what the kama sutra is and what chakras and auras are. it's just not my cup of tea.
i've possesed the kama sutra and it's not something i feel i can take worthwhile practical advice from.

since sexuality and sensuality had always been a rather big part of me, i've gathered quiet some kowledge and informations, but somehow it feels like i'm missing a vital part.

i've thought about it between posting and it might be related to the fact that my bf doesn't excite me like he used to. when we started dating, he obviously painted a vivid picure of himself and our goal was to find as many similarities as possible. now it seems like i mostly focus on our differences and how to fit them together so we can spend our lifes in resonance with our personal values and needs. i also somehow feel like there's nothing new inside him to discover and like all the promising stuff i saw in him basically led into a dead end. for example: when we met, we used to be excited that me both love to read. we spent a lot of time reminiscenting the books we had both read and discuss them. now, i know that our tastes clas enormously. he stagnated at harry potter and i went on to marcus aurelius and dostojewski. i have taken a big interest in philosophy and whilst i CAN talk to him about it to some extend it's simply a monologue where i would need a dialogue. i know i can't expect him to be my lover, my friend and also the person that challenges me mentally, but it is somehow offputting to feel like "there's nothing there".
he also used to be passionated about his hobbies and grow on them. he has completely stopped doing that and i don't know why. i try to encourage him to take it up again or try something else, but he would rather spend his time just watching netflix or cuddling. which is cute too, but it just doesn't push him as a person and in turn i feel like he will never again discover uncharted territory that he can share with me.

>>18396475
my guess is more that he is depressed. i know what it feels like to be depressed and i don't feel that way.

>>18396529
and yes, i know that film can be a hobby too, but he just watches braindead tv series. nothing there that could challenge your world view, just passive consumption.

>>18395492
Sounds like my boyfriend. Which is great. Be that boyfriend.


>bf
I just realized you were a woman. Fuck.

>>18395492
He's probably not flirting with you as much as he used to.
If it's not working out, do the both of you a favor and dump his ass.

>>18395492
>the problem is, that i've always been an extremely sexual person. and that was because i almost constantly exposed myself to sexually charged situations. i've always been somebody who loves to flirt and generate sexual tension. it made me feel incredibly sexy and desireable, which promptly made me horny.

Sounds like you're just a huge flirt to me, and since you're not being lavished in attention all the time, you're not "horny" anymore.

>>18396857
thanks for repeating what i just said. that doesn't solve it in any way...

>>18396857
thanks for repeating what i wrote with your own words. that doesn't solve it in any way.
why do you put horny in quotes? i'm not horny anymore. no quotes needed.