Throughout my life I have envisioned possible scenarios/conversations

I forgot to mention the people I was talking about usually look like they would be rude people. And the imagining of the violent situations have really gotten more frequent in I'd say about the last year.

It happens weekly if I'm being honest

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I feel the need to further divulge that growing up I never really had these violent thoughts but I also was bullied quite a bit. I learned to just laugh it off and sometimes I could make the people who made fun of me laugh really hard but I feel like the holding in of anger has really fucked me up mentally. The problem is there really seems to be now way of "letting it out", each situation of people bullying me in my past or people of recent times just being plain rude to me just really stick inside my head. I lifted weights but it didn't really help, it actually just worsened it, the scenarios became more frequent and violent. I'm kind of worried one day I might just snap over something incredibly trivial and land myself behind bars.

What do /adv/?
>inb4 something that requires money
I can't afford meds or therapy desu

Can y'all stop bumping the billion relationship threads and give me some /adv/

I do the imaginary conversations thing too OP. I have an incredibly active imagination in general. Sometimes I'll see something or maybe I'll just have a revelation and I want to tell someone, but if nobody is around for me to talk to I'll just imagine talking to them, like I'm practicing an anecdote. Sometimes I imagine conversations that I wish I had the guts to have. Often I imagine entire scenarios in detail, and weeks later I might reminisce about that scenario as if it was a memory before having to sharply remind myself that it was entirely fictional.

I can recall one time about 4 years ago where I really shocked myself. There was a girl where I used to work, I had a huge crush on her but she was a little young (17, I was 21) so I decided not to pursue it. Every evening I'd be cycling home and imagining she was with me and I was showing her around all the shortcuts I take and talking about all sorts of shit. One night I got home and boiled the kettle to make myself a tea, while still pretending to talk to her, and when I'd finished I realised that I had made two cups. I've not had anything like that since, but it really fucked me up and I thought I might be genuinelypsychotic.

>>18385748
I'm worried one day I might actually mistake one of the imagined scenarios as something that actually happened and continue on with it IRL, making for an extremely awkward scenario. I don't think I'm that far gone though.

>>18385601
It's usually a sign of either schizoid or avoidant personality disorder.

>>18385782
It sound like I have APD, so thanks for pointing that out.

bump for extra input

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STOP BUMPING SHIT THREADS AND REPLY TO MINE REEEEEEEEE

>>18385748
>when I'd finished I realised that I had made two cups
I haven't been hit in the feels in a long time

No, it's a "normal" * thing to do.

*for a 4chan anon.

I have to plan everything I do over and over before I do it but even then fluff up speaking.
I believe it's a problem if the voices in your head aren't you so to speak. ie. they have a "mind" of their own and aren't just your internal voice/mimics.

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I was really hoping to get more help with the violent thoughts :|

I have angry, intrusive thoughts too OP, usually about trying to prove other people wrong, or cringing over my past mistakes. It gets worse when I'm anxious and I'll have to take three trips to get three things because each time I got interrupted by a sudden intrusive thought that wiped my working memory.

ADHD drugs like methylphenidate sort of help.

Often the thoughts get so bad that I can't even interrupt them when I notice it happening, and I just have to sit quietly and wait for them to dissipate. This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for how painful these intrusive thoughts are.

It's sort of cliche, but meditation actually helps me, but it takes time and determination.

Good luck OP!

I'm the same, down to the anger issues. I have anger issues because I was never allowed to be angry growing up, I had to bottle things in.

Couple that up with anxiety and I lived in my head, imaging problems is a sign of anxiety.

You need to work on turning your mind off. Antidepressants did the trick for me, and getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship.

I'm doing pretty great now, I just have to remind myself to LIVE IN THE MOMENT and things happening in my head are NOT REAL. You're brain is solving potential problems for you, because that's what it does, but when you have anxiety it does it TOO MUCH that it actually hurts you.

You intrusive thoiughts about being autistic:
Sounds like you have some sort of intrusive thoughts that zero in on anxieties, and it gets worse and worse. It's fake, it's an anxiety thing again.