Should I get a divorce? Been having trouble for a few years now

Really any advice at all would be very appreciate

>>18381583
My wife's friend has this same problem. They are getting evicted from their house now . Love doesn't pay the bills

>>18381658
I make sure our bills are payed, even if I have to work when I'm not supposed to. I was told I needed to be on bed rest but I can't just not have any money coming in. And there is a serious lack of love at this point I can tell you.

>>18381583
>troubled few years
>popping out even more kids
...Really?

Anyway, you should just get a divorce. It's rough but if he's incapable of hearing you out or of doing anything then the marriage's just done. Does he just ignore you guys? Is he depressed?

Internet addiction is a real thing, there might also be other factors at play like depression/anxiety or miscommunications.

If you still love him or want your relationship to work you guys should go to couple's counselling together. You should also both get individual counselling (regardless of whether or not you guys get couple's counselling) so that he can work on his addiction and any underlying issues and you can work on feeling alone and learn to be more supportive/help enable him to improve. Even if he won't get help you can still get help and start laying a foundation that will enable him to by getting some help independent of him.

Don't expect a sudden change for either of you, it'll be months before sustainable progress is made. You'll get boosts in your mood or be able to apply some of it short term, but things will slip backwards plenty of the time.

Talking about it isn't always enough, oftentimes people need a professional's help.

>>18381686
Fuck that shit, just divorce your piece of shit husband. He's worthless.

>>18381686
I'm don't supporting him, been doing it for years and he has no desire to change. So fucking sick of everything being on my shoulders. I already have kids to take care of I don't need a gaming addict man child to take care of too. I've tried being nice and suggested all kinds of counseling but he dosen't want anything to do with it. This is hurting my kids seeing there dad not give a shit about anything including them, and the stress of it all is affecting my health. I can't always do everything for everyone all the time, he's a grown man and needs to act like one.

>>18381682
I love bing a mother, my kids are like the only good thing in my life. I wanted a big family and would have had like 6 kids if I could. That dream is kind of ruined now tho. I feel really guilty that I'm expecting again now with how things are, it wasn't a planed pregnancy. No matter what tho I will love and take care this child just like I do my others.

>>18381583
My advice to you and everyone else. Never get married. It's stupid from the financial aspect but the main problem is that both people get too "comfortable"
The mindset that you're married now and you don't have to try as hard will set in and both people will end up less happy.
It happened to myself and my ex.

Fucking women are rewarded for divorce, they're almost always going to divorce no matter how good their husband is.

They will ESPECIALLY divorce if their husband makes a lot of money, because then they can

- Steal his kids
- Steal half his money/assets
- Steal his house
- Make him pay alimony
- Make him pay child support

You're a literal whore, you don't like him because he isn't providing money, it wouldn't matter if he did all the housework.

>>18381755

Don't listen to this asshole that's never had a real job or girlfriend.
And I'm sorry that we have to breathe the same air as pieces of shit like this.

Sounds like your husband is depressed.
How many kids do you already have? How old are they?
I hate to see couples break up, especially those with small children, but he is really treating you like shit, but you already know that. And it doesn't sound like things are going to get any better.
Do you have any sort of support system going for you and the kids (at least for the short term) if you leave him?
Maybe rather than mentioning a divorce to him, start with just a "trial" separation. Maybe this will serve as a wakeup call to him.
I wish you and your kids the best--good luck to you.

Only you can make that choice to leave.

>>18381780
You're mad because I'm speaking the truth.

Any man is crazy to get married in the western world today. That's why they're not!

Gonna be a lot of old feminist whores that are going crazy because they never had kids, BECAUSE NO SANE MAN WOULD HAVE KIDS with feminist cunts, with the current feminist family/marriage laws that are extremely anti-male.

>>18381791>>18381791
>You're mad because I'm speaking the truth.

No, you're wrong. In the scenario that you presented--rich man with gold-digging wife--I agree 100% with you. But this clearly is not OPs situation. Are you such a woman hater that you cannot see the difference? Her husband is clearly a piece of shit. Having his 6 months pregnant wife going to work to support him and his family while he sits at home on his ass--how can you defend this behavior. If you do, then there is something wrong with you. I don't think you have any worrying to do about getting married--have you ever even kissed a girl?

>>18381583
I hate to do it, but i have to attack you a little anyway op.

1. Why have you married lazy guy with no drive and no job?
2. Was he always like this?
3. When it all started going to shit?
4. Why are you asking /adv now and not few years ago when it started?
5. What does he do when you talk to him?

You dont have to divorce op. You just need to figure out what has broken in him. Has he ever loved you? Tell us something about him.

>>18381813
>>18381791
Stop derailing thread please. Marriage isnt for everybody and you should always be carreful about who you fuck and have babies with.

>>18381813
Women do the EXACT same thing, and you wouldn't say anything about it, society is perfectly fine with it.

If a woman sits at home doing nothing while the man works, that is normal, it's called a housewife.

Even if this guy did all the housework, women and society wouldn't be ok with it.

Why? Because all women are literal whores. They find a man to be unacceptable if he isn't providing money, or isn't going it.

>>18381813
You cry about wanting "EQUALITY", but you don't actually like equality.

Equality would mean that it's ok for men to sit at home doing nothing while the woman works, just like it has always been ok for the reverse.

You only like equality when it benefits you or other women.

Op here, a this I men have it worse or women have it worse stuff is a bunch if crap. I am not a house wife, I work a tone, my husband isn't what would qualify as a house husband either because that implies he takes care of the house and kids, which I'd be fine with it's a lot of work. But he dosen't do that he's not a stay at home parent. It has nothing to do with gender rolls, that's not the issue. And all this bull shit about how men are only hurt by divorce, my ass, I'd have to still be paying his school loans and shit if we seporated. I'm not some femanist butch who is trying to take his kids or get money. He has no money and dosen't want anything to do with the kids. I'm not looking for child support or anything like that. I'd be thrilled if he even wants visitation. He ignores all of us all the time. I think he is depressed but it's like he won't do anything to change it. Dosen't want help. Won't leave the house, won't talk about anything with anyone. I'm at a loss as to what to do for him. I do love him and I want him to go back to his normal self but I don't know how to help him do that. I've been trying for 2 years even helped support him going back to school to do something he loves. But it's like it didn't matter he just stoped being motivated after a few quarters and failed everything and won't try to get a job or help with the kids. Honestly I could let the not working slide but I've had a lot of health complications and need his help. I can't let him treating our kids bad slide tho, it's not fair to them to have this going on. I just want to do what will be best for them

>>18381669
Get life insurance just in case he gets murdered. You still get to keep that after divorce

>>18381833
It's not ok for anyone to sit home doing nothing. A stay at home parent takes care of the kids, my guy isn't doing that he ignores the kids and games all day. You sound really biter and like you hate females. I get it femanist suck but this has nothing to do with gender it has to do with him not being a good parent or partner

>>18381583
Is his shit a deal breaker? If yes, divorce him. If not, consider therapy. Asses the situation again in like half a year.

>>18381583
Look I don't care if he's abusive or a prince you still need life insurance that's security for you and your kids in case he ever gets murdered... sounds like a joke but no I'm serious

>>18381755
Your fucking stupid, you don't know me at all. I'm the one who told him to stop working so he could go to school, I've been the main bread winner since before we ever got married or had kids. I don't give a shit about how much money he makes. I'm upset that he sits around all day doing nothing at all. If he were still involved with the kids, tried hard at a school, was involved with life at all is be happy. I've always supported him both emotionally and financially, I'm having a hard time right now and would like him to help. Expecting him to do some of the work is equality

>>18381780
Thank you so much. I don't have any other family or really even any friends. I would have to save for a couple of months to be able to leave. I don't really want a divorce either. I do think he's depressed but he won't do anything to help the problem. I feel mean pushing him and don't want to make him feel worse but also it's really become overwhelming for our whole family. We have 2 kids a 6yo and a 4yo and I'm pregnant with our 3rd now.

>>18381894
Whose to say his mistress doesn't kill him in a jealous rage ??? Or maybe the mistress has a jealous boyfriend and shoots him in a drunken rage !?!

>>18381908
Omg your bate is weak, no one cares about your murder fantasy.

>>18381908
Maybe he dies from a blood clot from sitting around too much . ..are you getting the life insurance or what bitch.

>>18381922
We already have life insurance, even our kids do. Lol that Gerber life grow up plan shit.

>>18381859
I think i know what is wrong with your husband. I have feeling you will ignore me, but i will try anyway.

Your husband had plans. He wanted to ace school, get cool job and be #1 husband. Then he failed something and it snowballed.

You have to realize one thing op. Guys are super fragile creatures who arent allowed to fail. By doing so, we feel suoer bad. And you, being his wife, having job and managing all on your own puts him down even more. He doesnt feel like man anymore. He failed, he cant reach for help (because showing emotions as guy is considered gay and showinh weakness is even worse) and your ability to not sink with him emasculates him even more.

So right now, your husband feels probably the worst in his life. His options are all bad, so he escapes to online world where he still means something.

>so what do i do?
You need to kick his ass hard, force him to admit his weakness and afford him help and rebuild his ego and self worth together.

Are his parents alive? Call them. Tell them that their son got into such situation, that he has probably depression and refuses recieving help from his surrounding. Tell him all of this. That you realize how bad he feels as a failed male.

Write on paper what you want him to do. That the fact he currently cant get a job doesnt make him worthless. That you feel neglected emotionally (maybe even sexually?) and even without job he can do 99 things at home. Cook, shop, clean, care of children.

You have to force him out of his misery, show support to him maybe even try to apologize that you allowed him to sunk this low.

Restore his maleness, give him clear instructions and help him to find new job. Tell him therr is no shame making less money than his wife if he works for it at home as good husband. That you will still be proud at him.

I bet you wont even bother reading this, but i think i am right about it. Your husband need help. YOUR help. Make him feel like man again and he will perform.

>>18381937
Then accidentally push him off a bridge

>>18381940
No I deffanitly read it, I've been thinking this exact same thing but I don't know how to really get into talking about it in depth with him without him freaking out. Any time I've tried it's like made it worse, he just shuts down more and more, it's like he wallows in how bad he feels. I don't know how to help him see that just dwelling on how unhappy he is isn't going to make anything better. Like I wish I could even just get him to go out and take a walk with me and the kids, like not even the big stuff like a job, I just want him to not be shut off. I never wanted it to get like this, I never wanted him to feel emasculated. I'm actually really submissive, even if I make more money we always had kind of old fashioned roles in our relationship. I think maybe going to school wasn't what he thought it would be and now that it didn't work out he just like gave up.

>>18381979
If your content with a loser then ok if not you put on a little dress and find you a better man. Fuck that loser. I bet you got some tight wet preggo pussy

>>18381992
I swear go back to your containment board please.

>>18381979
>shut down
Come to him, hug him tightly and tell him:
I know you feel bad. That you feel worthless. That you failed school and getting job. I wish to help you. I still love you and wish to help you. All you have to do is to allow me to help you. I am sorry it came to this. And i wont let you go until you give me your answer. I still love you. Do you still love me?

Stop being scared of him. You are his wife. You promised loyality in both good and bad times. And remember babby steps. Make him to play less and adopt some household responcibilities first. Praise him for doing it.

Seriously woman. Do it for him. Stop being scared. Make him cry, rage whatever. He has to let the feelings out. Work on plan what to do next. And really tell him that he still is the male in the house. That you just wish he wasnt neglecting you ao much.

Start with hug and go with it from there. Dont allow him to evade you. Tell him you forgive him.

Good luck!

>>18381583
No, you should work it out with your husband and stop being an irresponsible vain slut. No one is going to want you with your litter of kids anyway. Grow up.

>>18381979
You basically need to tell him that you still love him and you WANT to make it work, but it's not working, and something needs to change. If he can't talk to you, he should talk to a therapist. Maybe he'd benefit from anti-depressants or something. He knows damn well it can't just keep going like this

Maybe some positive reinforcement would help, like make it sound like "I know you can do better than this" rather than "There's something wrong with you." But it sounds like that's pretty much what you've already been doing

>>18382024
I must be right. Thanks for that

>>18381583
Why the fuck did you have a kid with a lazy asshole?

Was he being this lazy before you were pregnant again

Also he might be depressed about the pregnancy in some way, or life in general.

Did he ever play with the kids?

You need to have a serious sit down with this mofo. Ask him why hes doing this.
Then if that goes no where get really serios and say something lie "alright i tried talk to you but heres the ultimatum, get your shit together or were getting a divorce"

Also if you do a little self reflecting, you picked his guy to be the father of your children. Why did you pick so badly?

>>18381583
>Should I get a divorce?
>I'm 6 months pregnant

No. By no means.
Look up studies how divorces influence children.
Spoiler: They give them statistically quite higher rates of suicide, mental problems, and lower rates of income, employment and stability of relationships.

That being said from what you say, yes, atm your partner is a shitty one. Which has to change. You are rightfully mad.

Now a divorce is bad. A threat is not.
Use it to your benefit.

Couple Counseling DOES work,
Even when you are not religious the catholic versions of it are best, since they have no open result policy but will only focus on making you two work together again.

>>18381583
yeah man get out of there really quick she's horrid

>>18381755
THAT.

>>18381830
Kek you are very angry at the world and I pity you.

You are generalizing OP's situation, but it's not justified because the information she has given us is not consistent with your generalizations. I sincerely hope you're medicated.

>>18381830
You're so fucking delusional. The difference is that she's fucking pregnant and he's not. A housewife takes care of the kids and cleans at least. This guy is doing nothing. You cannot even fucking compare them you moron.

>>18381830
>sits at home doing nothing
>housewife
>doing nothing and you are a WHORE!!
do you even know what that is? kys faggot

>>18382142
>>18382153
So glad someone gets it. It's not like what that guy said at all. And yes I wouldn't even have a problem with him not making money except I am pregnant and I've had complications. I'm going to have to take off work for a little, we have savings but I need help

>>18382031
>>18382024
These are both really helpful, I'll try talking with him about it again and push more even if it's uncomfortable. Just hard he really dosen't like to talk. I'll bring up counseling again too. I really hope I can get him to talk to me or just someone. Thanks for your help

>>18381755
>Steal half his money/assets
he's a fucking loser with no cash or money. he'll be sent to jail. you failed at your own post.
>Steal his kids
like he gives a shit about them
>Steal his house
he's such a low life i doubt this is his house. they likely share it
>you're a literal whore
yeah she has 3 kids with one man and works her ass off while pregnant. what a whore.

>>18382173
>helpful
Arent you both at home now? Just go now, pressure him and force some reaction from him.

Post results, i am curious. I read about divorces all the time. I want to hear some positive stuff from time to time. And i am curious if i was right about him feeling emasculated and worthless.

Dont waste time femanon and do it now. The counseling is basically 3rd person forcing him to talk. If you manage to do it on your own, it will get you both closer to each other and even save some money.

>>18382196
It's my house, I bought it with money I saved from working all through high school and a couple of years after. He's not a low life tho, just has gotten really down and off track the past few years. He used to be a really motivated person.

>>18382225
I don't think it's a good time to bring it up right now. He's been in a bad mood all day and the kids are home and stuff. I'd rather have this discussion without them around, neither of us are much for yelling or saying mean things or anything like that but it's still would be better to talk about this stuff without little ears listening. I have to work at 4am tomorrow so probably not tonight but next time I can get the kids down early I'll try taking with him.

>>18381583
He sounds really depressed. You said you pay the bills right? Stop paying for the Internet. It's extreme to do but he could be using the computer to escape a deep depression. Internet addiction is very real and a major cause for modern divorce. Cut off the internet and give him an ultimatum to go to therapy or else you'll leave.

>>18382339
>kids are home
If you think kids are idiots who arent able to tell that mommy and daddy dont like each other anymore, then you are mistaken. They are either really small and then it doesnt matter, or they see, hear and paddle and babble and they can already tell thah something is wrong with daddy.

You postpone solving this problem for years now. I dont blame you for this, it takes resolution amd strong personality to face your problems. Still you are partially responsible for your husbands status as well. If you were the "ideal" wife, you wouldnt allow your husband to sink THAT low and helped him way sooner. You just both sucks at communication. He afraid of reaching for help or compromise and you scared of his reactions.

Talk to him asap. Dont wait. Waiting leads nowhere. And remember, have concrete plans you want him to do.

>>18381714

you sound like a good wife, and it seems like you've tried your hardest. Honestly, at this point I would focus on putting the children first and finding them a father figure that wants to help them grow into good people.

Alternatively you could seriously approach your husband and discuss marriage counselling and if he blows you off you know he's not in it anymore either, in which case you should leave.

>>18382173
Why don't you just leave him for another man? Should be easy if you are attractive.

>>18382474
I've tried having this conversation a lot of times before and it never really leads anywhere. I've tried making appointments for therapy and he blows them off and won't go. He respond when I try taking with him. Discussing your marital problems in front of your kids is a horrible idea, yes they know daddy spends all day on the computer but it's not like we fight or are mean to each other. It's not right make children part of big problems if you can help it. If I have to talk about money being tight, or that I'm sick and can't physically keep doing so much they don't need to hear that. I don't want them hearing about me having to go to the hospital or that I'm scared that my husband dosen't care about us anymore. That stuff is heavy, and it's going to have to be said to get him to see something has to change. I'm not going to talk about that in front of my kids it would scare them and that's part of my job as a parent to protect them from how hard life can be at times. Also just the fact that I want to be able to focus 100% on the conversation when we have it, not on the loud crazy kids running around. I think it's important I be really up front and honest about everything if I want a different result from all the other times I've tried to talk it over with him.

I think you should ask a bunch of 18 year old anime watching NEETS so sit at the computer all day and have only dreamed of holding a girls hand about your marriage troubles. Or talking to a therapist and asking them for advice.

>asking anonymous strangers on an imageboard about whether or not you should divorce your husband
It sounds like you have other things you need to work on beforehand.