I feel very uncomfortable having sex with someone I don't

>>18379812
Generally by the third date, but if I know she's a virgin and things are otherwise going well, I'll hold out for longer than that (a few months, if that's what it takes).

>>18379812
Depends entirely on how cool/attractive you are

>>18379849
>Generally by the third date
I don't even want to kiss someone after just three dates.
I'll die alone.

>>18379853
That's pretty hard to judge by myself.

>>18379852
>Welp. I'll die alone.
That, or you could just be an adult and communicate how you feel about intimacy to the person you're seeing.
If they can't respect you, then you shouldn't be with them in the first place.

>>18379867
I do, I have no problem with communicating how I feel about intimacy.

Just wondering if a man will think it is worth it to date someone for a while if sex is off the table.

>>18379870
A while, yes. But your idea of "a while" is probably different from most men. The general 3 date rule is fine, if you explain to a man you're a virgin and want to take it slow he'll understand. But over a month starts being too long. I know that after one month, if she's not showing signs of being ready for it soon, I will look for other options.

>>18379870
Well that would depend on whether or not you have other things to offer besides sex.
The upside to this, is that you'll be able to filter out those who were just in it for a quick hit & run anyway.

Another thing that might help you, is actually going out and about on dates, instead of just on the bed watching Netflix, because lord knows that shit can escalate in the blink of an eye.
Don't let the situation get too comfortable and cuddly before you're ready for that intimacy, otherwise you're just sending the guy the wrong signals and if he is a man, he will be making his move before too long - and if he does so before you're ready, turning him down is perfectly okay. Just don't forget to communicate.

>>18379874
I'm not a virgin. I'm in my mid 20s, lost my virginity at 16.
I find the idea of having sex with someone I don't care about revolting. I see it as an act of love, a moment of intimacy and the idea of sharing it with a random dude makes me feel gross.

Probably I'd be fine after a couple of months, but yeah not after a few dates.

>>18379888
>Well that would depend on whether or not you have other things to offer besides sex.
I can't really judge it myself. I think I do, but I doubt any girl ever thought of herself that she was just good for sex.

I usually try to avoid getting too physical when I'm still not ready at all, so I rarely invite guys home. And "netflix and chill" sounds like a pretty boring date to me anyway.

>>18379812
My bf and I didn't start fooling around until like 8 months into our relationship. It's been over a year now and we haven't gone further than oral yet, not even fingering.

There are guys who are willing to wait. Just lay out your needs early on.

>>18379952
What a smack in the face to you sophisticated, organic mechanism that is the human body, and evolution as well.

>Let's deny this basic human desire so we can inflate our egos and feel good about being better than other people for "reasons"...

Listen to me, you human garbage: The meaning of all life is to survive and replicate. You are only cheating yourself if you won't even bust a nut with a person. Don't run around doing it with everyone, but if you feel the desire to have consentual sex with someone you trust, you are being retarded to not do it.

Do you think sex was always consentual? How do you think sex happened between humans before we had language? It's absurd and unnatural that you are waiting so long, especiallt now that you can SPEAK and KNOW the person you are consentually having it with. What a disgusting perversion you've made out of something that used to be natural, expected, and beautiful

>>18379952
Are you virgins?
I did the same with my ex, but I think that we were both virgins so it had a different meaning.
I don't feel the need to wait for so long, but I wouldn't be down to have sex with someone I don't trust.

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>>18379890
>I find the idea of having sex with Someone I don't care about revolting.
Your idea of a "relationship" sounds fine in a vacuum of women.
From a guys perspective, if things are taking to long to progress, I'm going to see other people while I see you. And one of the other girls will most definitely be willing to advance the relationship more than you will. If your cool with that I'll still continue to see you while you take your time deciding. But why would I be exclusive with some girl that's hesitant to even kiss? I'm going to go with the girl that doesn't have your hang ups. It's not worth it for us to spend all of our resources on you for months, when other women exist.
>>18379895
>I can't really judge it myself. I think I do...
You don't. Especially if you can't think of them right away. There's a reason you don't see guys inviting their wives to hang out with the guys. You don't have anything to offer and if anything you will stifle the fun. You don't have to be "just good for sex" but you should recognize that sex makes up over 50 percent of your value. If you can't provide that you get that much less of my time and effort.
>>18379952
>My bf and I didn't start fooling around until like 8 months into our relationship. It's been over a year now and we haven't gone further than oral yet, not even fingering.
LOL. I can't imagine what kind of loser your bf is that puts up with that. I hop you know he puts up with that because he literally has zero other options. You're a disaster waiting to happen for him and he doesnt even know it.

>>18380047
Yeah we are both virgins. I was also molested as a child, and he knows, so I have some extra difficulties with intimacy. He's very understanding.>>18380047

>>18380058
I want an exclusive relationship. I don't expect it after one date, but if we've been dating for a while and we've been physical in any way I expect us to be exclusive.
To me physical gestures have a meaning. Kissing means that I'm interested in taking things further and I really like you. Sex means I see myself with you for the long run. I don't do those things right away not because I'm frigid or don't enjoy sex (I have a pretty high sex drive myself, am kinky as hell), but because I don't want to do things just because.
I understand that most guys my age date just because it's a stable supply of pussy.

>You don't. Especially if you can't think of them right away.
I can think of them, but, as I said - all girls I know think that they're special, interesting and they're not like other girls. So my opinion on whether I am special, interesting and not like other girls isn't extremely important.
I don't personally think that sex is all I have to offer, but it's not up to me to judge.

>There's a reason you don't see guys inviting their wives to hang out with the guys.
My ex's friends asked me to hang out with them all the time, so at least that.

>>18379812
If you are wife material even few months is fine.

And if you are juat another slut, you wouldnt interest me anyway. So there your answer. Good guys who see something in you can wait easily. The cum and dump guys (majority) cant be assed waiting.

Just tell them why no sex and they will either get it or werent worth in the first place.

>>18380087
I am glad you found someone so understanding.
I personally enjoyed waiting with my ex. We waited for 10 months and slowly explored things together - learnt what we liked, learnt how to get each other off, etc. When we had sex for the first time it was really amazing.

I'm sorry for all the hate you are getting, by the way. I hope you can get over your issues with intimacy and enjoy yourself with your boyfriend.

>>18380097
>wife material
Define that.

I am pretty forward about the no sex thing anyway.

>>18380106
Thanks anon, you're very sweet. I am actually doing a lot better, we're slowly exploring more things. He's helping me learn to enjoy something that used to just cause me a lot of anxiety.

And don't worry, I don't really care what strangers think about my sexual habits.

Male here.

I'm the same. Sex without love is soulless. I'd rather just jack off desu.

It's completely assbackwards that our society thinks it's strange if you say "I love you" too early, but are willing to partake in the most intimate act possible.

I expect a girl to make me wait several months at least and definitely after we feel there could be some sort of future. If she comes onto me any sooner, I get turned off and think she's some sort of sexual deviant. Animalistic/primal sexual desire makes women appear less feminine and thus less attractive.

If this means I'll die alone then so be it. I'm not willing to compromise my morals. It's not even really morals really, it's just common sense and the way things were meant to be. No I'm not religious.

>>18380115
Obviously everybody wants something else. For me it is
>not fat
>wants 2 children minimum
>has job
>able to hold conversation about something better than exes and justin bieber
>dont smoke
>dont go to parties and dont drink much
>rather introvert than extrovert
>is kind
>will rather slap me than allow me to become lazy fat coach potato
>her smile will make me feel weak and easy to manipulate (almost all girls smiles do this to me :-)

But this is very subjective, every boy looks for something else and majority is looking kust for cum and dump. Not much guys want to settle down and start the family thingy.

Not the guy you replied to but:

>>18380094
>I don't do those things right away not because I'm frigid or don't enjoy sex (I have a pretty high sex drive myself, am kinky as hell), but because I don't want to do things just because.
That's how YOU perceive sex, and it's your right, but you are in the minority and your expectations are out of line with reality. This is like me saying "I won't date a woman unless she let's me shit on her chest". I mean yeah, I'm welcome to search for that, but having the expectation for someone to be 'okay' with that is a little ridiculous and, for my second point, mostly only serves me and what I want them to do. Just because they agreed to it doesn't make it fair towards them - they probably just don't know it yet.

Also, I really doubt you are "kinky as hell". So hilarious to hear a virgin say that. It's like hearing a mom say "I'm pretty cool". What makes you think you're so kinky? So what, you fucked yourself with a dildo, not even anal I bet. If you dildo'd yourself, then your hymans already WILLINGLY broken soooo what the fuck? Your pussy is no different from any other now...

"Oh, sex is about my emoional gift to you" Jesus fuckin' christ... Thank you so much for valuing your "emotions" so fucking highly that you actually think they are a gift to bestow on us mere mortals...

>>18380094
>I want an exclusive relationship. I don't expect it after one date, but if we've been dating for a while and we've been physical in any way I expect us to be exclusive.
You point of view is very Rom Com female fantasy. One kiss means exclusivity.
>To me physical gestures have a meaning. Kissing means that I'm interested in taking things further and I really like you. Sex means I see myself with you for the long run. I don't do those things right away not because I'm frigid or don't enjoy sex (I have a pretty high sex drive myself, am kinky as hell), but because I don't want to do things just because.
Its not just because. If you have a "high kinky sex drive" you should naturally want to satisfy that urge.
>I understand that most guys my age date just because it's a stable supply of pussy.
Thats not the only reason men date. But when they do they want the full package. Lets relate women to buying a car. Some women think just the pussy is good enough, but that like a dealer trying to sell a car based on it having 4 wheels. When they all have 4 wheels so that nothing special.
Your trying to sell a car with eventual wheels but it the mean time enjoy this other feature that you can't even name.
>I can think of them, but, as I said - all girls I know think that they're special, interesting and they're not like other girls. So my opinion on whether I am special, interesting and not like other girls isn't extremely important.
Yes it is important. I don't work out, have a good job, and have a good sense of humor and then say my opinion on all the work I put into my life to be successful isn't important. If someone asks, I tell them, these are the things I personally bring to the relationship. If they don't think so fine. But I know what they are and I am able to state them.

>>18380155
I don't think my view on sex is the right one. It's my view on it, tho.
I don't expect people to wait, I don't hold a grudge against someone if they break up with me because they want sex and I'm not willing to do that.

I also am not virgin, as I already said - and I haven't been virgin for nearly 8 years.

I don't think sex is a gift, but it is an intimate act I want to share with someone I care about. Sex has a meaning for me, I am not willing to go through the motions unless I feel in a certain way.

>>18380173
> One kiss means exclusivity.
Yes, to me it does. I don't get physical with someone if I'm not willing to be exclusive.

> If you have a "high kinky sex drive" you should naturally want to satisfy that urge.
I masturbate if I have an "urge" to satisfy. I don't feel like fucking a stranger because I need to get off.

I can state what are the things that I think I can bring to the table, but ultimately my opinion on whether I'm worth the wait or not doesn't matter.
That's what I am saying.

>>18380176

I admire your view on sex. It's seemingly and unfortunately quite rare.

NEVER let someone tell you it's a strange or weird view. The perversion of our society has sunk to such lows that your views and those similar are considered weird and strange and even things like being a prude are frowned upon instead of held in a noble light.

You're going to make someone very happy one day. You may not realize it, but there are a lot of guys that wish they could find someone like you. We're just not very outspoken or social so it's hard to find.

>>18379812
I dont really get into a relationship until sex has been had.

I always just hung around girls i liked and let the relationship evolve on its own. It becomes a deeper relationship when there are enough feels for mutual jealousy and anger if either one does something wrong and sex has been had. Then it kind of tapers off on its own if no one has the "what are we" talk.

Sometimes sex has happened within a week other times it took a year.

Current gf (4 years and live together with dogs now) was like that. We fucked in like a month?

>>18380148
I'm not religious either. I just feel like sex has a meaning.
While I do feel the urge to have sex, I don't feel the need to have it with someone specifically if I don't care about them. So, yeah - I'd rather masturbate too.

I'm glad you feel the same way I do. Brings me a little hope.

>>18379870
Depends.

But thats a cultural thing. There is a generally expectation to move quicker. And its not only in men's realm.

Ive been with a few girls who were very aggressive. One became a very deep relationship. She assaulted my dick on the first date.

But thats because weve lost the cultural sex taboo and its now considered nothing more than a thing mutually attracted people do.

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>>18380176
Sorry if this is coming off as hate. I'm just trying to give the male perspective so you know what to expect.
Making a good guy, these betas will wait if that's what you want but you probably won't be happy in the long run, will only result in him finding woman who won't make him wait so long. For him to stay with you exclusively after just a kiss, you have to bring A GOD LIKE AMOUNT to the table compared to other girls. And you can't even state one thing that you bring besides sex.
Anyways I'm done here. Hope you have a greater understanding of the real world. I find that most women like you cave anyways.
I would be interested to know what exactly you do that you would describe as kinky. Because that's hilarious. To be such a prude and call yourself kinky. Lmao. Good stuff. 10/10.

>>18380186
I don't feel like it is necessarily bad to have a different view of sex. It's just not mine.

Thanks, by the way. You're very kind.

>>18380190
Yeah, I wouldn't be able to have sex with someone if I don't know we're exclusive already and we have feelings for each other.
I don't need anything "formal", but yeah.

>girl values sex as something else than just mushing meat together
>gets called out on it
wew lad

>>18380213
Thats fine. Your life is your life and i respect your way. Im just saying that because the following is me just talking now not persuading you to think like me.

The thing with my way are there are no conversations or awkward formalities.

It all evolves naturally and no one has to stop and get confused and think by being blindsided by the other with demands of exclusivity and affection.

And sometimes exclusivity just comes on its own. And those are the good relationships. There was never any pressure to begin with. Usually the conversation does follow quickly though. Someones always gonna be like kay so im not fuckin anyone... Just makin sure youre on the same page here..

>>18380205
Again - I could do it, but I don't think it makes sense because whether I think I am an amazing partner or not isn't that relevant.

If you want me to make a list -
I'm physically attractive (125 lbs at 5'6, D cup tits, athletic, cute face). I dress well and enjoy taking care of my body.
I am financially stable - I own a car, a house and am finishing my training to become a doctor, I have no debt.
I visited 25 countries, I speak 4 languages, I read around one book a week, I am interested in various subjects (math, physics, history, art, politics, philosophy) and I have a few outdoorsy hobbies like hiking. I volunteer, I'm active in my community. I really enjoy watching sports on tv and can hold a conversation about it, I like sailing and am learning how to drive a motorcycle.
I have a decent sense of humour. I cook and bake like a goddess. I am a very caring girl and go out of my way to make people I love happy. Extremely faithful and loyal.
And I really enjoy sucking dick, will do it daily just because I like it.

Still, does it ultimately matter? You'll just tell me I'm lying or tell me to post a pics of my tits or fuck off.

About kinks - I basically am open to anything but animals, kids, fucking others, shit and extreme pain. If you want me to make a list about this too, I will.

>>18380237
I'd prefer if it evolved naturally, it was like that in my last relationship, but as I get older it is rarer to just "hang out with guys".
Usually it's always someone asking me out on a date or something.
In general I am not crazy about formalities and don't really look forward to the "Are you my girlfriend?" talk.

>>18380251
Yeah i always hated that as well. Its awkward as fuck. I did it twice when i was a teen and never again because i hated how it felt.

>getting older
Yeah i see your problem i dont know about you but im 30 and opportunities to meet new people my age are dwindling.

Thats what the internet is for i guess. Ill bet you can find a group on meetup or reddit(your town) with men of your age and interests.

>>18380238
Don't perceive to know me. I'm not the villain you're making me out to be in your head.
IF thats what you are bringing to the table then good on you. You could probably get away with with making some good guy wait longer. But it sound like you don't even have time for a guy. Where are you training to become a doctor? And what languages do you speak? Honestly this sounds like to much for any one person to do. Especially a 4chan poster asking for advice.
>about kinks
What have you done that is kinky? Not what are you open too. I can get almost any girl, barring mental trauma, to do anything I suggest once they love me. That doesn't make all girls kinky. Their just women.

>>18380261
I don't think you're a bad person.

>Where are you training to become a doctor?
Yurope.

>And what languages do you speak?
English, French, Italian and Spanish.

>Honestly this sounds like to much for any one person to do.
I sleep around 4 hours a day since I was born so I have free time. I basically have 20 extra hours a week to do what I like.
Hormonal dysfunctions. I'm basically constantly manic because my adrenal glands are fucked.
I learnt how to read when I was 3 and read a lot since. I was reading classics before I finished elementary school. I knew how to speak 3 languages before I turned 13, was reading about quantum physics when I was 16.
I got passionate about sports because on tv there was just porn and sports at night.

>What have you done that is kinky?
Huh. Anything anal, some mild public stuff, BDSM (both as a dom and as a sub), various roleplay/dressing up stuff.

>>18379849
I'd mostly agree with this. It might be different if I were religious, like a Muslim or a Mormon, but I'd say that most guys are expecting to sleep with you by the third date.

Of course, everything changes if you're a virgin. Even most non-religious guys would be willing to wait a few months for you then.

>>18380288
This.

I expect sex when the tension exists. First date, second, third, eigth. Whatever. If were feeling it lets do it. I dont like games or formalities.

If i were dating a virgin, then it isnt the same anymore. If she wants to or not, doesnt matter or qualify as a game to me anymore. All when shes ready.

>>18380288
>everything changes if you're a virgin
Yeah, not a virgin.

Welp.

>>18380295
I don't feel a super strong desire to fuck with someone if I'm not close to them. I feel some chemistry, but yeah it's not like a burning desire to have sex with them. That comes with time, when I'm close to someone emotionally.
I don't want to play games at all, just how I am.

Personally, I would only wait for a virgin. That and she would have to be legitimately into me and not talking to other guys. I think if you want a chance at dating your way you're going to have to express your views early on, make it clear you're not fishing around for or talking to other men, and make it clear you're not a slut without saying it (somehow, don't ask me how).

>>18380287
Makes sense if youre in Europe everyone there seems to know many languages. It's less of a bragging point in that case.
>Hormonal dysfunctions
Okay things are starting to make sense now. I'm not going to ask you to go further. I hope things work out for you.

>>18380325
>It's less of a bragging point in that case.
I don't think it's something I should brag about.
>>18380325

>Okay things are starting to make sense now. I'm not going to ask you to go further.
You said it like you think I have three vaginas.
I just have a high metabolism, sleep little and am very energetic.

>>18380314
Well, I am very faithful and don't really look around once I find someone I like. It's harder for me to find a man who is willing to do so.

>>18380314
Well, something has to separate the "pump and dump" girls from the "talk to after sex" girls. That something is different for every guy, but for most it doesn't involve her knowledge or career.

In my anecdotal experiences, I'd say the #1 something is her being a virgin, but some guys are definitely different.

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>>18380238
The issue with this is that half the stuff you are listing stuff that girls would like about guys but guys don't care for.
Guys don't look for financial stability in their women. They have their own place they like and want to keep and they have their own car to get around. They don't care if you are edgy and ride a motorcycle or your adventurous and like to sail.
Going back to the car analogy, some of that listed is supposed to be there. Being faithful and loyal is like saying you have headlights. Great but that should be there.
Heres what guys care about; Is your body nice and can you dress well. And are you available to fuck.
That list has a lot of cock block in there. If some dude said he was level infinity in some rpg, you would think great, who cares. Your hobbies are like our video games. We could care less. We pretend to care because it gets us closer to what we really want. A relationship with sex.
As for sucking my dick daily. That's just becomes natural for every girl I end up with. It's a failsafe for them to make sure I'm satisfied and don't get it elsewhere.

Also i don't consider any woman to be kinky. In my experience a woman has never taught me anything in the bedroom. Anything she does know she got from some guy she used to date, so I'm not interested in emulating it.

>>18379812
Wash that pussy first

>>18379812
I'd wait any amount of time if I liked her.

>>18380442
I don't do these things to impress guys, I do them because I like them.

I look good, if that's all I have to bring to the table, and I am definitely willing to fuck once I care about you and like you as a person.

But, yeah - I am a decently pretty girl. I had guys asking me out since I was 13, and I basically spent the last 10 years of my life constantly having a guy trying to get in my pants. If I fucked every cute guy who asked me out, I would have the channel tunnel between my thighs.
I need to know a person to decide whether to have sex with him or not, I need to feel like it means something to me, I need to know they are special. After 3 dates I don't even know if you're actually fun to talk to, to me you are exactly like all the other dudes I went out with.

I get that guys have to work for sex and all, but I don't. I can get as much sex as I want.
I just don't want to fuck random dudes because it doesn't give me anything that I cannot get masturbating, with the added risk of STDs and a ruined reputation.

>>18380447
I have a perfectly shaved and clean pussy.

>>18380450
That's really nice to hear.

>>18380450

Aw, that's so sweet anon

>>18380473
It's time for some tough love. Before anything else, you need to understand that your attitude towards sex is anything but normal in our current iteration of the West. Got that, not normal. Now, you need to understand that you're having such a hard time because you keep going for normal guys who naturally expect normal girls. You then get jaded when you can't find a guy who isn't normal.

Here's where you need to change. Either change your attitude on sex, forget relationships, or exclusively go after guys who share your deviation from the normal. These guys include members of fundamental religious groups like Hindus and Muslims. Before you say something like "bah! I'm not religious and should not have to accommodate myself to the beliefs of any man, the men in my Disney movies would love me just the way I am," remember that you are yourself trying to get a man to accept your own, not normal, belief systems. Good luck

>>18380575
I don't have "such a hard time" dating. I can find guys to date, and I am usually the one who ends the relationships because I don't like them enough.

I wouldn't date someone from a completely different cultural back ground. Basically all the guys I go out with are white, not extremely religious, moderately right wing and college educated.

>>18380630
If they are all fine with you wanting to wait, then why even make the thread?

I'm willing to wait as much as the girl wants/needs. Although I'd also be worried that she might be cheating on me.

>>18380649
I haven't dated a guy for more than a couple of weeks, so it hasn't really been an issue yet. I just started dating again after my break up.

Mostly curiosity, anyway.

>>18380656
Why would you think so?

>>18380630
>College educated
>Right wing
Do you find this combo often?

If I behave aloof and indifferent towards sex, how high is the chance the girl will assume I already get lots, and thus will feel even more attraction to me?

Tbh I wouldn't be in a relationship for sex so indefinitely as long as she's okay with kissing. Though if it didn't seem like she was interested in sex I'd bring it up after maybe a month of intimate dating bc I'd want to know her feelings about it.

>>18380670
Kind of. My town is pretty right-leaning, so it's not super hard to find someone on the right side of the political spectrum.
It also depends a lot on what they are studying/have studied. Law, economy, political science and history students, and for some reason engineers, are kinda always conservative people in my experience.

>>18380685
Kek. I have no idea.

>>18380698
I try to make it clear that I am interested in sex, just not immediately. And, anyway, I say it after a couple of weeks of intimate dating (after we kissed).

>>18379812
6 months to a year for me, after that I might try bringing it up

>>18379812
Personally waited a whole year.
But that was when I realised you gotta licc the vag before you can stick it in.

2-3 months. basically this >>18380097

>>18380946
>6 months to a year
look man, I'm easy to please, and I can get satisfaction from other areas of the relationship than sex easily, but if she is still uncertain about you at 6 months or further out then you're doing something wrong, getting used, are deluded into thinking there's a relationship, or you're both exceedingly religious. like hardcore mormon religious.

tbqh that long without things progressing and every kiss would be torture for me. I did it before, my first gf wanted me and I wanted her but she wasn't ready so I just waited for her to be ready, she fucked my friends instead. not doing things that way again.
>>18380442
lol, speak for yourself.
>>18380238
there's nothing cockblocky in here like that idiot said. you sound like a good woman OP, don't sacrifice your values.

>>18380575
rofl, tell me, do you take your coffee with a big scoop of mediocre every morning?

reading your shit is exactly what I needed to get me going for today anon. lmao, the current iteration of the west is weak and I wholesale reject the vast majority of social norms to not be so weak.

>>18380946
I'd bring it up way before 6 months.

>>18380966
Kek. Took you a year?

>>18381102
Thank you anon. Made me smile.
I'm sorry your ex cheated on you.

>>18381124
Compromises are part of life
Cant always get what you want bruh