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Social Skills General /scg/ Share your advice, techniques and

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Social Skills General /scg/

Share your advice, techniques and insights on developing social skills and self-improvement help out social autists integrate into society.

I made this because I'm getting paid to unprofessionally coach someone into gaining confidence and overcoming his autism.
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How do i make eye contact?
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>>18366844
Jesus, this is actually a great start. The guy often avoids eye contact and looks at the ground. Thanks.
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>>18366852
Do you have advice?
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Well, I've always been a somewhat outgoing and people would call me "confident" for some reason.

Most of the time I just say fuck it and talk to someone, and I'm trying to teach myself to enjoy the "rush" when I'm feeling anxious and feeling adrenaline in an awkward situation, and taking it as a learning thing.

And I have this new rule, where the thought of talking to someone/doing something scares me, I HAVE to do it.

100% of the time something good happened so far, though.
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>>18366923
How to make eye contact ples. Im a guy.
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>>18366923
>And I have this new rule, where the thought of talking to someone/doing something scares me, I HAVE to do it.
This is a great rule. I'm trying to apply it as well. Even when I did it and didn't like it, it was a big learning experience.
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>>18366876
The number one thing that separates the winners from the losers is mindset. There are plenty of people with problems, but the ones who don't think they can solve them will continue to lose while the ones who wish to change have a chance of improving.

The problem with the guy I'm coaching is that he wishes to change but can't admit to his flaws. You need to admit to yourself where you're flawed and take on yourself to change. Keep your values, but change how you behave. Constant complaining and negativity is useless and literally gets you no where. You have no reason not to think positively.
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>>18366923
Yeah, when I see someone available to talk I consciously tell myself, I can either talk to this guy and increase my charisma stat or bitch out and continue listening to music you can listen to at any time. I've never been dissatisfied by talking to new people even if I don't see them again. Take any opportunity you can afford to take.
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>>18366928
Just keep telling yourself to look into the eyes of the person you're talking to. Look at their eye colour and look as if you're trying to determine what specific shade if colour it is. Always keep in mind that you need to make eye contact until it's a habit.
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>>18366824
Here's some /adv/ice.

>People are not analyzing your actions as often as you think they are. Be sure not to overthink situations.
>Some people are gonna hate you regardless of what you do. So just "do" what you feel like doing; just abide to the law and common sense and all that.
>As long as you are relatively clean and relatively healthy, you're a suitable romantic partner. Don't sell yourself short.
>Cinism doesn't help.
>You don't HAVE to be the funny guy. Shoving a joke into every crack of a conversation just makes it awkward. If that's not your thing, don't sweat it. Just be a good listener and smile more.
>Get out of your comfort zones one step at a time. Don't sweat mistakes; don't be overly harsh on yourself.

Last but not least,
>Knowing all this in your head without ever applying it is useless. You can't master confidence overnight, you learn by trial & error.
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some of the stuff in this thread is actually pretty useful, i gotta keep this thread in mind
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>>18366928
Look between their eyes to start off, and if it makes you comfortable, you can look away at intervals when they do. Most people won't keep eyes on you 100% of the time, so no reason you have to either.

Eventually you'll get used to it and can hold eye contact easily af
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>>18366980
>charisma stat
Haha I love this! That's a fun way to look at it anon! I'm going to use that from now on lol
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It's easy to say you're confident and ready to take on anything that comes your way when you're alone in the comfort of your room. That doesn't necessarily mean you will maintain your cool and confidence under stress and pull through when the going gets rough.

Want to become mentally stronger? Put yourself through hard situations and confront your anxieties.
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>>18367154
Haha, thanks. I based it off a flash game I used to play called Stick RPG.

The three stats are Strength, Intelligence and Charisma. I don't give myself an actual number for these "stats", but I use the expression often to signify that I'm improving myself in a specific way (health-wise, intellectually or socially) and it makes it a bit more fun and enticing.

In the game you could only do certain things if your stat was high enough and if I improve my skills I'll have more opportunities and success. It's a fun way to look at things for a quick laugh and an easy to see "reward" from taking opportunities to better yourself.
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You don't have to be everyone's friend. You're the average of the 5 people you hang out with the most so if your friend is always negative, lazy or unmotivated to do anything, you need to limit your time with then or cut them out altogether or else you'll end up more like them which could very likely be got the worse.

Hang around with motivated and positive people and successful people too and you'll improve, while NEETs and assholes will bring you down with them.
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(1) Be positive. People like positive people.
(2) When interacting with someone new to you, find something the other person says that you like and agree with, and "center" your idea of who they are around that. This will help you like them genuinely as opposed to maintaining a charade of liking them. This is important, because it is difficult and effortful to maintain a pretense of liking someone. And appearing to like someone is important, because...
(3) People like people that like them. You can verify this for yourself by reflecting on the people that like you or admire you you and how you feel about them.
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How do you go up and talk to random people you never have even seen//met before? Like what do you say and approach them without it being weird?
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>>18366844
Train by looking into your own eyes in the mirror and maintain it for a few mins. If any negative thoughts come, think or say aloud (which I think works best) "I'm okay". You can express any thoughts that come to mind but keep on remaining eyecontact with yourself and return to saying "I'm okay".
Remember to breathe.
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>>18366923
KP?

If not amazing advice anyways,
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I have a fairly deep, monotone voice and even though I can detect my own inflections I've sometimes been told I come off as emotionless. I am a somewhat serious guy, but should I make effort to inflect more noticably? The problem is I feel like it would be silly and gay if I did.
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>>18367709
Only faggots and queers think questioning oneself is gay and silly, afterall, people unironically thought the earth was round and the church should be the state at one point.
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>>18367721
Earth was flat* damn does college make oneself dumber? The money is getting to me.
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EXPOSURE THERAPY EXPOSURE THERAPY EXPOSURE THERAPY EXPOSURE THERAPY EXPOSURE THERAPY EXPOSURE THERAPY EXPOSURE THERAPY EXPOSURE THERAPY EXPOSURE THERAPY EXPOSURE THERAPY
Best way to stop a sperg from being a sperg is employing tactics used in exposure therapy.
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>>18367747
Explain further, I'm a full spectrum autismo and need help, exposing yourself seems like it would only make the bad habits worse.
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>>18367721
Do you have advice or are you just here to echo basic bitch teenage reddit platitudes at me
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Provided that you are socially competent enough, what mindset or habits should you adopt to get to making out with girl(s)? I dont know how to escalate properly or know when its socially acceptable to touch :/
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>>18367772
I'm not sure, but an important thing is if you do get to the point of making out, start with closed mouth unless she starts with tongue. Some girls don't like tongue right off the bat.

I'm more interested in when you should kiss when sober. Any time I have I was drunk.
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>>18367756
What sort of issues do you have when in social situations? Is it anxiety or just worried about doing something considered wrong and not knowing? If the former it's fairly straight forward, you'll learn to be okay and handle the anxiety that comes with it.
If the latter, it's sort of similar you can use it to learn how others react when you do something, try things that you think might be fine, or weird and watch people around you, obviously as a full on autist it'd be harder to read people (I think) so bringing someone along can help to tell you how people reacted to how you did things. Find what works, and what doesn't.
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Go shoppin

Doesn't matter for what, something cheap

Talk to the sales people

Everytime you go somewhere talk to the sales person

Ask them how their day is going, been?
Compliment them on their clothes or ??

Repeat until you are cured
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>>18367794
I honestly think it's more of a no experience under the belt type of thing.
In my current situation I can't talk to people much, however whenever I'm in public I have no drive to talk to anyone else.
Really like a protagonist disease type of thing.
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>>18366844
Don't look more than two seconds unless your intimate. Look at them when something comes up, like a new subject or anything that the would make an expression. When they're just talking or going on for a bit you can drift your gaze. Always make eye contact when you start saying something to them.
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>>18367573
I generally comment on the current situation depending on the scenario. I remember a total stranger holding a painting and I ended up conversing with him. Start with any insight on what's going on, just an opinion on your surroundings and it will lead to other things later on.
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>>18367841
Use it as a way to learn then, since you don't want to be doing the wrong thing having someone with you to correct you when you do something wrong would be very good. Google any questions you might have about how to act around others, while it probably give you an exact answer it'll show you what other people do.
When I was starting out I used interpals (a penpal site) as a way to learn small talk. Another thing I did was watch how people went about their business in the mall, I'd just sit at a seat somewhere populated and watch others and see what they do.
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>>18367791
Hmmm, idk how to get to the point though. I can maintain eye contact and confidence, but i just dont know how to lead to kissing and be playful without seeming like an autist. What do you say to initiate and suggest it?

Is it really as simple as "do you want to make out?"
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>>18367882
Well this is advice from a movie mixed with my own guess (I haven't ever tried at a relationship yet, so take this at your own discretion).

If she looks in the mood for kissing, lean your head in for a kiss 90% of the way and while you're near her face she'll go the last 10% and kiss you. After some kissing you can switch it up to tongue if you want, it's your choice. After the first kiss you can probably start playing with each other.
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>>18367882
The key is to take it incrementally.

You start by hand/arm touching (like, when you're telling a joke, you touch her hand when saying the punch line, as if to accentuate the punch line. Mind you, do this with "light" jokes). Then, depending on the situation, you progress. If you're at home, watching a film, get next to her, then a bit later, put your arm around her. If you're getting good signals, you might start caressing her, then at the later stages, you caress her cheeks or something like that. Then, just lean in if you're getting really good signals or you can even ask if you're not too sure.

Setting is important too. If you're out on a date, in a restaurant, you don't really move beyond the hand touching, but maybe you can put your hand around her waist when escorting her to the cab or whatever. Then move on to other stuff when you're back home. At a party, you move to the more intense stuff when it becomes clear what you guys are doing and the other people give you some space (you know, don't try to make out when there's 5 of you sitting on a couch, although sometimes even that may work).
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>>18367857
thanks anon, actually pretty good advice
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>>18366824

Practice

Practice

Practice

Also: avoid cannabis, too much anxiety, too much doubt, too much inhibition of brain function for autists to spare power for social games

Also: read a couple of books on body language and group dynamics. Understanding the social game from a "scientific" mindset makes things easier to carry out in real life
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When a girl looks at me in the train, what should I do? Look at her back? Smile? Do nothing? I always feel so awkward...
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>>18366844
If you feel uncomfortable making eye contact, look at the bridge of the person's nose. They probably won't be able to tell the difference, but obviously avoid staring. Most people break eye contact naturally after 2-3 seconds, meaning they may not notice you staring at their nose/eyes however
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>>18367709
Be yourself. Experiment with different intonations around people you feel comfortable to see if you like any different ways of saying things, but don't change yourself because you think that's what people want you to do. Do it for yourself, so you can be the person you want to
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>>18367772
>>18367791
The most important distinction between success and failure is if she is interested in you. If she isn't, then there isn't much you can do to change that, but if she is, when you try to kiss her, even if its really awkward, she probably won't stop you. Smoothness comes with practice. The more tries you make, the smoother you will become. Don't sweat it if it doesn't work first time either. I actually learned more from the times I was rejected than from when I've been successful. Its a learning experience
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>>18366824
is 4chan the best place to get advice to teach someone about social skills? I'm not saying there isn't some useful advice in this thread, but there is also some questionable advice. Maybe supplement what you learn here with a book or something before you help your friend
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I'm generally an agreeable person. I noticed that my coworkers talk about each other a lot, is this normal? Being agreeable I'll usually go along with it and say my 2 cents but I feel bad talking about others behind their backs and I'm assuming they probably do the same about me. Is it best to just stay neutral or tell then not to say stuff about others when they aren't around? I want to move up in the company so I don't want to burn any bridges.
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>>18366824
Not being a certain way helps.
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>>18369014
>using one source

That would be fucking retarded. But, generally, people on 4chan are more likely to project their true feelings and more "alpha" attitudes due to anonymity.
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a couple years ago I read this book called The Tao of Badass. Of course it claims to teach you how to get laid, but cheesiness I did appreciate some basic tips about eye and physical contact, how to hold a conversation etc.
Do you know some good sources of cheap applied psychology like that?
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I have a girl in particular that I talk to bunch over Snapchat. Can there be subtle ways I can show to her that I love her? Over the phone or in person?
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>>18369071
You can find the 48 laws of power on PDF anywhere on the internet nowadays.
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>>18366844
80% of time make eye contact 20% you see others things around
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Is it creepy to approach girls on trains? Today I saw a girl that really caught my attention, we made eye contact a bunch of times but she left the train a few minutes after I arrived. Even looked back at me one last time as the train was leaving the stop. Really got me wondering if I should have tried to strike up a conversation or something...
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Sign up for dance classes where you get to be up close with beautiful women and you'll realize they're not that scary at all.
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>>18369840
>that I talk to bunch over Snapchat
>Snapchat
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>>18370138
>Is it creepy to approach girls on trains?
Is it creepy to approach people when they're alone? What about if they're in a group? In the library? In a noisy club?

There's no real answer to this question and it all depends on what it is you consider to be creepy.

If you think it's worth it then just go do it, don't even think about it next time cause that's when the excuses start popping up.

Consider that most people usually don't even care about what's going on around them since they're too busy on their phones.
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>>18370598
Say what you want. But you get loads of pussy by using that stupid app. Trust me, I hardly use it other than to pick up chicks.
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>>18370138
I think the only time when approaching random people is creepy is when its really quiet and they're not alone. But even then it depends.
The most important thing is the way you approach someone. In my opinion to not seem creepy you have to look happy and energetic but still show emotions. You absolutely don't want to stutter, unless it will somehow come off as cute when approaching a girl. I think you can be non creepy in every situation if you act the right way.
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>>18370613
>>18370766

Alright, makes sense. So assuming I do decide to approach a girl in a public place like a train, and she is open to an approach (not on phone/reading/listening to music), how do I go about doing it, in practice? There's really no context for me to talk to her, unless I get lucky and she's wearing a t-shirt of a band I like or somehing of the sort I can use to hit things off.
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What do I do with my hands when I'm talking to someone. Also sometimes it's a little hard to come up with responses in a conversation how do I jump through those hoops I've always been a good listener rather than a Chatty Cathy
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>>18367801
good advice
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>>18370824
Just go do it and see what happens. There's no manual to this thing, it's a case by case basis but like everything else in life, with practice you'll get better at it. If you commit to this you'll get blown out a lot of times, some girls may not even look at you twice, but then again you could meet someone who could become a good friend or your wife.

>There's really no context for me to talk to her
You don't need context.
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>>18370824
I never tried doing this, but I figure you should first make some eye contact and if she reciprocates/smiles back try to talk to her. Sometimes I feel connected to random people on the subway when we both notice some strange guy or overhear a funny conversation, and at that moment it feels more natural talking to them (though I rarely do it anyway).
Also being on a train/subway opens up a few possiblities for chatting
>I take this train everyday, never/always see you
>so you're going to work/uni too?
don't really sound too exciting but I guess they're decent icebreakers
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>>18366965
Are you a professional?
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>>18368327
I find cannabis helps me in social situations.
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Read "how to win friends and influence people by dale carnegie

I've read it twice a year for at least 7 years. No book will help you change your social skills professionally, personally, and intimately.

I'm now an old fag (for 4chan) and was a confirmed artist with no friends. Now a beautiful wife that fulfills every need and a thriving career.

The book is not the only thing. It takes practice and awhile to reap the rewards.

Phase 2 is to join a group called Toastmasters. They are in every State.

If you want my advice, learn business and career networking skills. A career makes a person interesting. Interesting people have interesting things to talk about which makes people listen and enjoy their company.
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Social skills doesn't exist.
If you are a man - you use your voice and words to protect yourself from other males and raise your value (showing that you are not affected by external circumstances, talking bullshit to get what you want).

If you thing such thing as friendship or love exists you are fucking idiot. Life is all about you, you don't have to think what anybody else thinks. You use your voice to get pussy and to not get wrecked by other guys.
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>>18366824
Always hide your powerlevel at all cost! People automatically hate misfits.

Avoid giving up information about yourself to acquaintances or collegues. Instead keep asking them and let them talk. Most people are flattered if they can talk about themself.
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>>18372618
I reveal my power level often and fit in with the people into the misfit things I'm into. Better to have a few really close friends, than a lot of people you'll find that toy hardly know like you. Some people don't like me for being different and I don't care in return, because I do and say the things I like with my friends.
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>>18372618
do the opposite of this
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>>18366824
Not everyone will like you no matter how cool you are. Accept that. Find your niche and your people instead of playing the "grass is greener" game. Theyre out there
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>>18372475
I pity you.
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>>18372475
faking it, not showing emotion, being brave, not taking bullshit.... those are all social skills YOU FUCKING RETARD...


friendship and love do exist, but clearly not for you..... you should really consider suicide.
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>>18372435
I'm not a professional, I'm OP. I just pulled that out of my ass. It's probably true though. I honestly have no idea if I can help this guy, there is just something about him that can't change.
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