My gf is depressed and also upset with stuff i did a year ago

Here's the things she cannot forgive me for:

1. I wasn't always there for her when she needed me in the past when we were seeing each other less often and I missed some important things. I apologized at the time and we continued to have a great relationship, I apologized again but she can't seem to move on from it.

2. That we didn't live together (we agreed to wait until she knows where she is going to med school, because I wanted to do it that way)

And with these factors, she simply does not understand how I am there for her now and can be with her every day when I wasn't doing so immediately. She tells me she was willing to do everything for me from day 1 where as I only slowly get more and more involved and now the last 4 months she feels like she's "worth it".

We had a discussion that she needs to move on from it and I need to feel more loved again, and that I will be very careful in not making those kind of mistakes again that have long lasting consequences on her. But at the end of the day shes still depressed.

I don't know what to do. We are both unhappy, her with her depression and how I treated her early on (she says the way I treat her now is great but that also makes her sad because she thinks it should have been like that all along), and I'm unhappy that she made me feel loved and wanted earlier on and the more I have done what she wants the less she seems to want me.

>>18366032
Sounds like a spoiled bitch. Thank god my GF isn't like that. Fuck her OP you haven't done anything wrong, she wants you as a lapdog and is using sex to mess with you.

>>18366050
Man it really hurts a lot to have 2 years of someone asking you to spend every day with you and then you do it for 3 months and she says everything is amazing and then bam shes so upset about the past that we see each other like once or twice a week now. She says she takes so many shifts at work because its the best thing for her depression.

Speaking about the sex messing with me, 2 nights ago night bro, she called me saying she loves me sooo much and misses me soo much and shes so damn horny. Last night when we could see each other, she was depressed as fuck and thats when we had this big sad convo (she texted me in the morning i feel like we're drifting apart)

she says the depression makes her moods change from hour to hour.

This is weird as fuk but tell me about your gf? What is it like not having these problems? I find myself day dreaming about how we used to be for the first year the honeymoon phase when things were just great

It's 2 different type of bitches the ones that forgive and forget and the ones who don't. You want pussy but you want to be a jerk. Take the bitch on vacation you dick wad to get her in a better mood. It's usually if your in a cold climate you go somewhere warm !!

>>18366067
She reminds me of my ex to be honest bro. It sucks but man she will drag you down at this rate. My ex used to have sex with me then use it against me at every point.

Everyone's mood changes from hour to hour, it's not an excuse bro, least she can do is be honest with you. Sounds like the sex is a weapon (which will ALWAYS be in the womens favour)

We have our problems but everything tends to be from outside factors i.e. there are a lot of mental health issues in my family, exclusing myself. Her family can be dicks for no reason etc. If we have problems we talk, make up, and fuck. Generally have sex 3-5 times a week

>>18366083
she says shes too depressed to enjoy anything (but she goes out and has a great night with her friends a few days ago..) so we cant do shit. Everything Ive suggested gets met with a uhhh ummm bahhh and an excuse . She takes work off for her friends graduation but takes extra shifts when she could see me and we could go somewhere the last few weeks.

>>18366100
Thats what we have been missing, make up sex. We started out having sex a ton but it dwindled to like 3 times a week or so, 5 sounds great.

I told her last night look, you honestly believe most of this is depression, please get help. She said she doesn't wanna get help.

Any thoughts on what I can do?

1. Dump her (i dont want to)
2. Wait her depression out (what if it never ends?)
3. ??

>>18366203
I'd dump her or tell her she needs to sort it out

She's just playing. Dump that ho.

Sounds insufferable. I don't throw this word around, but she sounds like a cunt that's stressing you the fuck out.

Why are women so stressful? The second pussy got into my life was the second my life got a lot more stressful desu..

Just ended things with my ex, and i feel fucking terrible, but I know it was for the best. She was kind of like your current gf with this shit.

>>18366658
yep. We had a little convo a few weeks ago about how I don't understand why we can't just have things be okay and theres this need that if something is going well for a few weeks or a month she like has to say we have some type of problem or create one.

Im so unhappy right now with how shes been treating me and she made a little shitty "joke" last night that i dont treat her as well as her friends boyfriends treat her and its a load of fucking shit. Im so angry.

She just texted me a bit ago that shes loves me and wants to know how my day is but i havent replied because im fuming.

How long were you together? I dont wanna make you more sad but do you have those things like wow, she did x for me and that meant so much and now we're not together anymore?

>>18366701
Had a gf like yours, was dependant on me. I left, it was hard for her, she survived, so did I.

>>18366701
Four years anon, and wow. You don't deserve that fucking bullshit dude. Give me a fucking break with that joke.. Seems like she doesn't respect you.

One minute she's throwing all this shit possible, and when you realize you don't deserve it, she's the greatest and rewards you with love. Exactly what I went through.

and I do a little bit, when she was nice she was a fucking angel. I cried on her shoulder, told her things, felt comfortable, but when she wasn't it was terrible, she was mean and awful, didn't respect me at all, embarrassed me in front of friends and family, and yelled and called me awful names.

Dude, she called me so many names in front of people over those four years from idiot, dumbass, asshole, pathetic, and I called her a bitch TWO TIMES in those whole four years, in a private conversation.

She has such anger issues that she almost BEAT UP HER SISER for crying out loud..

I had an old entry in my journal where i'm agonizing that I hurt her feelings because I parked far away from her class when I took her to school, and that I didn't go to class with her so she got super pissed at me and called me a bunch of names.

On the next page I was all happy and giddy because she decided to be nice and love me that night. It was /not/ okay dude, I was in an abusive relationship that chewed me the fuck up and spit me out for four years. She took everything, and I willingly gave it away dude.

I think it's because I didn't get love from my parents that much growing up and I was used to being mistreated, so It was easy for me to fall into this thing.

Sorry anon, I just started ranting for awhile. I just went through a lot of BS. She even hit me a couple of times ugh.

But because she treated me so well and was such a kind angel in the times when I was almost fed up kept me around. It was a cycle, man. And when it was good, it was GOOD and everything was perfect.

But I just started seeing patterns and I couldn't do it anymore.

>>18366718

Thank you for sharing man. I find it helps so much to hear about how other people are going through it and see similarities and stuff. You were legitimately abused bro.

I totally get the amazing when shes nice and shitty when shes not thing. Preaching to the fucking choir.

The names and the legitimate abuse are revolting to hear about, but heres a funny thing about us.. My gf and I play fight and she hits me all the time, its in this wrestling type of situation but when shes angry she will instantly begin this play fight and sock me in the arm 10 times. If I don't fight back she says what the fuck you dont love me anymore

Its so beautiful when my gf calls me and says she loves me and wants to go see a movie with me, and then its all the more shitty when she takes it away when shes in her moods. I cried on her shoulder too, I felt comfortable and she made me feel comfortable. But then she said I just hurt her so bad by not living together with her a year ago. It sucks.


Are you on tinder/okc or just playing it slow now?

>>18366747
o btw. I help pay her rent for the last year as a sort of compromise she stays here in LA and doesn't move back home purely for me so I don't want her to live with 4 rommates in some shitty tiny apartment so I help a bit. I make good money and dont even notice it.

I dont think she needs the money this month, because shes been working so much and taking so many extra shifts. Why does it make me sick like shes preparing to dump me.. she took a few things from my house like shampoo as well.. But yet she continues to say she wants to work through this. Sigh.

>>18366747
It feels good to get this shit out man, thanks for listening.

Dude, it sounds like she uses the "play fighting" as an excuse to hit you if that's the case. Tbh my girlfriend did the same thing. She would play wrestle me then a kick and a punch would be thrown here and there, whereas I would just pin her down and do general actual playfighting stuff.

And saying you don't love me anymore, ugh, was she serious? I hate that behavior. When you're to the edge they say "You don't love me anymore/Why don't you care".

Right now I'm playing it slow. I am NOT looking for another relationship at all lol. To be honest I'm a little jarred at the whole idea man, I just want to pick up a social life, because I sacrificed mine to be with my girlfriend all these years.

Let me ask you something anon, do you have lower self esteem than at the beginning? Are you more emotional/negative/sad than you were before? You might be worse for wear from this relationship, and the opposite is supposed to happen when you're with somebody

>>18366759
Trust your gut man, defnitely sounds like she's planning.

It sucks man, it's a catch 22. You know how bad it is for you but it's like all you know, and you want to hold on for dear life. I did this for over a year, and I don't even know why

>>18366767
yeah thats exactly what we do, my pinky is currently sprained because she kicked me in it actually.

Yes she says i feel like you dont love me or you dont care or something, god she has said that a million times throughout our relationship. She just texted me saying youre my baby

Ha sacrificing your social life to be with the gf, I totally fucking know that. I do. I am less happy now when shes unhappy, but if she is in a good mood then I am even happier than I used to be though. When its good for a few months theres still usually a few days where her anxiety is nuts and shes super super sad and that brings me down.

My social life has been shattered, I had a few female coworkers that wanted to be friends with me and just generally be nice to me and she used to destroy me over it. She would ask me if they talked to me or looked at me, freak out completely if she saw they msgd me etc. So many fights about that. She said in her opinion we shouldnt make new friends with the opposite sex. Funnily enough, she made a new guy friend the other week at work and told me about it but he is moving away so I didnt even go off on her for being a fucking HUGE hypocrite.

You know what gets me? Maybe you have something like this maybe not, but when my dog died, she was so good. She was the fucking best. She took work off, she drove to me, she brought me trinkets and held me and cried with me. I feel like if we didnt spend our lives together I would be remiss that I didnt make it work with someone who was truly there for me when I needed it that time.

>>18366774
Her reasoning for it appears to be that she just cant keep up the effort to come see me in my house anymore, so she moved a lot of her things to her place. I try to explain the difference in that I started out slow and ramped up, where as she used to put in effort and then now she doesnt and obviously that makes me feel unloved. But she falls back on its her depression =/

>>18366784
LOL were we with the same girl anon? Exact same thing here with the female situation oh my god.. I just started ignoring females entirely lol, but I couldn't keep that up, it just left me so unfulfilled.

Okay, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about and I've been there too. I had a big falling out with my family and tried to kill myself and this girl was there for me in every way, and went on a vacation with me and practically nursed me back to health.

But I know for a fact that the fear of losing someone who was there for you isn't right anon. Anyone who is decent and nice would do that for someone they love. An emotionally healthy person in a relationship will do that for their SO, that behavior isn't that rare actually.

But IMO, what we've been through hurt our self esteem so we think our gf's were the only person who could love us/treat us nicely and support us emotionally when we need it the most.

But I know for a FACT there's many, many nice girls out there who will do the same thing for you, and who won't be crazy/abusive in any way.

And don't let the guilt hold you back dude. You're allowed to break up with anyone for any reason, that's just part of the territory with love, you know?

>>18366812
holy shit m8. I also am unfulfilled with it, like its not that im out here trying to cheat its just nice to have something in common and be able to discuss shit with. She can pick up an extra shift instead of seeing me, why couldnt i get food with 3 coworkers?

That is a very good point, others would have done that as well. You are the best man, you got out of the situation and you KNOW that you did the right thing.

Youll get your life back on track and know the bad signs for the next girl and she will probably just not be nuts and itll be great. Thats how these things go I think.

But fuck if it aint hard to do it, you got some balls doing it. How did she take the breakup?

>>18366827
You deserve that man! To just kick it with some friends! But since you're a good boyfriend and care about your gf, you're not doing that because it's what she asked, even though it's totally unreasonable..

Thanks man, that means a lot. I honestly just felt a bunch of relief when it was over.

But I'm not too sure how she took it. Honestly I broke up over text because it was too hard to do it face/phone call, because she uses her tears as a weapon with me and uses a lot of guilt tripping stuff, and I'm not strong enough to go through with it then.

But she blocked me, and went on a vacation with her family and she seems to be doing great based on what I see on social media. It seems to me that it was actually pretty mutual.

I was able to feel that she was loving me less, and I was loving her less, it was just the right time man.

If I get with a not crazy girl next I'll be so happy dude haha, that would be really nice. Then I can write this period off as experience or something, right?

YOU CAN DO IT DUDE! Claim your life back!

>>18366859
Shes in study mode today for a test, if she doesnt wanna talk or anything past hi love you whats up and doesn't want to see me tomorrow night, I'm going to tell her. If she does bring it up herself Ill still tell her but maybe not as angrily.

I am gonna explain that what she said about her friends bf treating her better is horse shit and if she says something like that again I will leave her because i know my worth and if she doesnt think im better she can find someone else. And that saying things like that is a form of mental abuse, I don't deserve to be spend my entire life being belittled because of how I acted a year ago and Ive apologized where I was wrong and since she can't move on from it she can at least not legitimately abuse me for it anymore. And that I understand depression is part of it but if im making an attempt to live with her depression she should make an attempt to not treat me like a punching bag when shes depressed.

We'll see what happens from there. I just dont see myself being ready for a breakup, but I am ready to just say that im unhappy and i feel abused

>>18366032
>she is going to med school
Be sad, that you will never make as much money as her, and save yourself the grief of getting dumped after a decade of support.

Oh! Are you a doctor making six figures? No? Then she is only playing you for a fool. Dont call the cunt back.

She has moved on, why not you?

>>18366934
That's golden man! I think she also has a responsibility to see a doctor about her depression, as it puts a strain on your relationship.

It's not that expensive either, my depression medication is only 4 dollars. That might be able to hopefully change things for the better as well, if she's receptive to your words

>>18366978
im not a doctor but i make six figures. I dont know that shes moved on, i mean i literally asked and she said no im in this relationship still because i love you and if i didnt love you i wouldnt be in it. And im not contemplating leaving you either, im just depressed right now.

>>18367000
she just refuses to get help! I dont get it at all! I think shes at the least depressed but possibly bipolar too. She got an impulsive tattoo the other day and that was when she called me and was super horny and asked for nudes and stuff, like she was probably manic and that explains the insane drop to super depression the next day.

>>18367015
dude how do you deal with this bitch?!

>>18367063
hah. I dont know anymore. I'm a very chill calm quiet person who just wants to hang out , go on dates to simple stuff like movies and ice cream, and work (i happen to do what i love so working is one of my favorite things) and she really seems to mesh well with that a decent % of the time.

I wouldnt have many terrible things to say before these last 3 weeks when depression hit, and thats whats making me try so hard to stick it out. I would like maybe complain that shes just a little crazy with her anxiety and our sex dropped off from 5-6 times a week to 2-3 per week but thats not awful.

she has a major anxiety problem btw, like we have been driving and she will see fog and lose her fucking mind because shes worried it could be an explosion or something. She has earplugs everywhere she goes because if someone is talking about news she would pass out, she has like a huge anxiety attack problem towards anything with war and shit like that. PTSD possibly.

I accepted all these things, and she just wont fucking let it go that I loved her enough to see her 2-3 times per week and now I love her enough to see her 6-7 times per week.

Wonder what will happen tonight if we talk a bit.. shes been radio silent last few hours studying.

went through our texts from last night, she said yes I think a lot of this has to do with my depression. Also the fact that im just now coming to terms with how I was treated for so long. I didnt even realize.

I made some mistakes a year and ahalf ago. I didn't visit her in the hospital (she was gonna be fine and she decided to go at 11am i had work the next day) and i thought i apologized enough for it and made up for it when i left work to go see her during a panic attack.

She later texted im aware of how crazy i sound but im pretty sure its depression.


fukkk Im gonna go walk outside for a bit and come back and get some work done. Its out of my hands, I'm gonna explain why I feel this is crazy and mental abuse when/if I get a chance and thats all i can do.

>>18366027

>she has a major anxiety problem btw, like we have been driving and she will see fog and lose her fucking mind because shes worried it could be an explosion or something. She has earplugs everywhere she goes because if someone is talking about news she would pass out, she has like a huge anxiety attack problem towards anything with war and shit like that. PTSD possibly.

...How the fuck do you special snowflake children even SURVIVE in this world? "I'm gonna pass out from hearing news in the world, I need to have earplugs in" says "I'm a fucking huge baby and can't handle reality."

Dude, you need to get out while you can. I know everyone needs someone to care of them, but it sounds like your girlfriend has been traumatized by LITERALLY NOTHING. Like, the idea of trauma has traumatized her. She has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from looking up what those words mean.

Get out.

>>18367328
actualy not a gas line, but something. Power maybe. But there was like one death

>>18367335

My house has flooded, I've fallen eight feet onto a cement floor. I'm not afraid of water or of roofs - structural integrity of a floor somewhat, but still.

At the very least it sounds like she needs therapy.

>>18367346
I agree but she doesnt want it.

She called me and said she wants to see me but doesnt know if ill stress her out because she needs to study and may not be able to concentrate.