Sup adv. I'm a woman and have been dating pretty steadily

>>18362933
>he broke things off for a very stupid and unresolved reason
What was it?

>>18362937
Other people's opinions. Basically we were young and people mocked him by saying I was out of his league or whatever. Including his roommates.

>>18362933
>Nothing's working out, and I'm beginning to get frustrated.
sounds like you think you deserve more than you're worth.

>>18362933
>Sup adv. I'm a woman and have been dating pretty steadily for the past few years. Nothing's working out, and I'm beginning to get frustrated. I'm especially frustrated because I had my ideal relationship already, but he broke things off for a very stupid and unresolved reason. I've been chasing anything close to what we had, and everyone else is falling short. Luckily I have no way of contacting the ex, otherwise I'm sure he'd get some pretty pathetic drunk texts.
>It's been a few years, and time is not healing this wound. So barring time, what does one do to get over an ex? Especially when the break up wasn't due to issues in the relationship itself.


You've got 7 out of 10 syndrome.

You're a 7/10 in the looks department. You're way more attractive than the average girl, but you feel that you deserve the 10/10 Chads, who are with the 10/10 Stacies.

You have a persistent chip on your shoulder because your value in the dating pool puts you at second place.

You don't actively think about it, but you subconsciously let this affect the way you perceive the men you date and fuck. You think the other 7-8/10 men are below you when that's right in your lane.

To make up for this you will continue to date man after man, repeating the same shit. You'll either lock down a 10/10 Chad with self-esteem issues, for whom you'll be his complete slave to keep him from leaving, or you'll settle with a 6,7,8 out of 10 man and resent him for not being what you 'deserve'.

Either way your fate is sealed. It's just the way things are. Better hurry up and have kids before 34 though otherwise you're gonna be really fucked.

>>18362933
Stop comparing everyone with your ex and give them a chance.

>>18363014
wew, sounds like my first relationship except it was her friends telling her shit about me. then she fucked some lowlife that to this day, all these years later, still works dairy at the same grocery store.

my advice OP? stop dating until you sort yourself out. nothing is going to work until you're hung up on this guy. so either, you're going to forget, focus on the bad so you hate him, recognize what you liked and what you didnt and move on, or randomly happen upon a guy that blows him out of the water and you'll forget then. but you dating while you're still stuck on him just means you're wasting everyone's time.

there is no closure, don't assume that the closure you want is anything anyone else can provide cause they cant and you'll be looking a long time. there is no getting back together, you can't contact him and there's no sense in some fantasy of running into each other or him coming back. you've got to face hard facts or you're going to throw away a lot of time in your life over this.

t. guy that went through the same shit with a girl.

>>18362933
>So barring time, what does one do to get over an ex?

Time + Effort. Do new things, meet new people, and you'll stuble against something that makes you move on. Just keep your eyes open for that and don't resist it.

>>18362933
sleep with an asian man. they're fit, high earning men.

>i don't like asian guyz thooo i want Chad

I hope the revolution takes you in its abyss

Your troubles turn me on, I'll fuck you.

>>18363048
also the breakup was due to issues in the relationship. your guy had issues with himself that manifested in the relationship. you need to recognize that the relationship was not healthy on his end because he had issues. that means the relationship as a whole was not healthy.

>>18363042
I'm like a 5/6, honestly. And considering I was dumped partially due to my ex being teased about the difference in our attractiveness, he was not a 6-8/10. He was attractive to me

>>18363048
I stayed single for 3 years before I started dating again. Then dated steadily for three years after that.

>>18363049
It has been many years. I have dated other people, made new friends. Like I said in the post, I made sure I can't even reach him.

>>18363239
sounds like you've got a oneitis. you don't get rid of those until they hurt you badly, and even then sometimes you can't.

>>18363252
Yeah, I think the breakup reason is what's killing me. Nothing going wrong, suddenly it's over cause... other people think I'm too good for you? I wish he'd lied and just said he didn't like me.

>>18363284
are you trying to think of what went wrong? some way you could have changed things? do you still love him on any level?

>>18363284
>Nothing going wrong
this is one of your problems. something did go wrong, he had an issue he couldnt resolve.

>>18363304
No, I know what went wrong. I can't help wondering if those issues weren't resolved with time, but I'd bet anything he's married by now. I guess I'm upset that he showed me how good a relationship can be, ended it, and now no one measures up to him.

>>18363342
>I can't help wondering if those issues weren't resolved with time
would this really make a difference, though? even if you were to talk to him, and he tells you he was a dumbass back then, would it make you pine for the relationship you had any less?

>>18363371
I'd absolutely be down to try again but that's not happening.

>>18363431
>I'd absolutely be down to try again
yep, it's oneitis. the only way this is going away for good is by trying again--for better or for worse. otherwise you simply need to accept the harsh reality that likely no one and nothing will measure up to the memories you hold. at least that's what i do.

>>18363469
I don't even have a way to contact him. I'd have to do some stalker-ass Googling to find him. Closure is, alas, not an option

>>18362933
>>18363239
What would you like in a partner?
Looks? Behavior?
Why did it not work out ever again so far?
What values do you look for?

>>18363431
Then ... contact him?!

>>18363504
then find him or settle for relationships that aren't as good as the one you had. if you've held onto this infatuation for 6 years already, you're going to hold onto it for another 6 years.

>>18363511
>Then ... contact him?!
I have no way of doing that

>>18363521
Would you talk to a woman you haven't seen in 6 years, who you dumped, who is still hung up on you?

>>18362933
Chaos Chaos (formerly Smoosh) - Do You Feel It?

Listen to this song

>>18363572
>I have no way of doing that

If you truly wanted you would have a way.

You just WANT to feel miserable so you can dwell in your misery, right?

As well you haven't answered my other questions.

>>18363572
>Would you talk to a woman you haven't seen in 6 years, who you dumped, who is still hung up on you?
i can think of one, yeah.

>>18363580
I tried asking old mutual friends, and none of them has heard from him in years.

I tried his old phone number. It either isn't his anymore or he ignored my text and voicemail.

He doesn't have facebook, linkedin, or any other social media I can find. What else do you suggest I do to try to contact him that isn't literal stalking?

Trust me anon, I'd love some closure, but contacting him for is simply not an option. And as I said above, if it were you I was talking about, wouldn't you find my behavior creepy?

>>18364893
As far as your other questions:
>What would you like in a partner?
Intellect and drive. Someone who has the determination to do something with their intelligence. Entrepreneurial/innovator types. That's what I find sexy. They don't even need to make much doing it (I make plenty), they need to want something from life and go for it. He had all that. He was a leader. When he wanted to start an event or group or company he just did it. He was brilliant without being condescending about it.
>Looks? Behavior?
Being "put together" is far more important to me than natural appearance. I would never date a 9 who wears ratty graphic tees all the time. Give me and 2 who understands fit and matching any day.
>Why did it not work out ever again so far?
A variety of reasons. One dude had an issue with his temper and I'm not spending my relationship walking on eggshells over the constant threat of tantrums. I was cheated on once, and one left me to go back to his ex. Others were irresponsible, immature or took advantage of my kindness.
>What values do you look for?
Again, someone who is smart and driven, but who also appreciates me. I work hard for the people I love and seem to always end up taken for granted. I've tried to talk to the men I date about this, and they seem to listen, then slip right back into expecting my kindness without returning it. He wasn't like that. He was thoughtful and affectionate and proactive.

maybe you should stop dating and just get to know ppl instead, the ideal relationship works, your clearly didnt

Took me 5 years. On the 5th, took celexa because I was basically going out of my mind.

Find a way to get back in touch. It's 2017, you could figure it out, I bet.

My roommate would constantly talk about a girl that he dated before we met, and how he fucked it up. One day, out of the blue, she got in contact with him (after finding a way), they got back together, and their 1 year is next week.

Since the relationship didn't end because of itself, seems there's still a good chance it could work or.

>>18364998
See my response to >>18364893

I've tried. He doesn't have a super common name, so if he was Google-able I'd have found him. I've found old articles about him, but zero social media or ways to contact him.

I'd even settle for just confirming that he's married by now (which I'm pretty certain he would be) so I can get closure that way.

>>18365177
There's gotta be some way. My buddy didn't have any social media, changed his number, and so on.

I don't have any advice for getting over him, unfortunately. All of my flames die out, naturally.

>>18365518
I mean, of course there is, but if you found out some chick did that to track you down because she's been pining after you for 6 years wouldn't you be freaked out?

>>18365528
I'd be flattered. I sometimes think about whether any of the girls I've been with think about me, anymore. Girls often have a guy who they remember fondly, and like to wonder if I've touched anybody like that.

>>18362933

Find an intensive sport or hobby, practice it and work your ass off. Ignore dating and focus on that work until you sort yourself out. Once you are ready to start again re-create your opinion of dating not in relation to your ex.

>>18366396
I work 50+ hours a week. "Too much time on my hands" is not the issue.

>>18366426
YOU ARE LITERALLY.... I REPEAT LITERALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! looking for misery. Tis better to have loved and lost you bitch!!! How about fucking a loser for once? Maybe itll increase his self esteem, allowing him to become the person he wants to be?

>>18365528
Update. No one has head from him in at least 5 years. The internet has some info, but it stops at 2015 and might not even be accurate.

>>18366527
Are you mad cause I work a lot? Like what....

>>18366573
assuming this is op, you made him kill himself lol good going

>>18366580
Im mad because you have had sex and i have not. And people keep telling me i cant be miserable because there are children starving in africa. So like whats the deal? Are you meant to compare yourself to others or ignore them? Why do women find me so apparently disgusting? Im not fat or ugly, I like to think im a good time to be around, but no. That matters not. Women just want big dicks. WELL SO BE IT!! If im an ugly loser, im an ugly loser. Have fun being miserable because of your own impossible standards bitch

>>18366596
wew lad

>>18366580
What's been going wrong with the new fellas? Are they that bad or is it just your feelings for him?

>>18366619
I know right maybe i should kill myself hahaha! NO! That would make people like you the only people about! You need me to feel worth! You look at me and go, well at least im not that guy! I can take the dirt and gravel, sling away. You are not strong!

>>18366623
As said above, a variety of reasons. One dude had an issue with his temper and I'm not spending my relationship walking on eggshells over the constant threat of tantrums. I was cheated on once, and one left me to go back to his ex. Others were irresponsible, immature or took advantage of my kindness.

And I can't just settle after I've met someone who ticks all the boxes.

>>18366663
When you meet the right guy, the old one will seem like meh.
Keep on at it, you only need one good guy in the ocean of wankers.

>>18366663
6666 the number of hte beast

>>18366666
Damn I hope so

>Nothing's working out...because I had my ideal relationship already

I may have found a clue.

>>18363017
That's a big assumption