I have to have a fight and defend myself every time I buy a present

What the fuck? Who gets mad at gifts?

There's something wrong here. Go talk to a couples therapist about this.

>>18362441
Go up too him and look him dead in the eye and ask him why he doesn't like presents ?

What happens if you skip getting him a gift?

I was going to say ask him "what the fuck is your problem?" but people above me might have a better approach.

But really, like what is his deal? Maybe he doesn't like your choice of presents because it's not the one HE would have picked but he's acting like a fucking child, maybe just ask what his deal is and leave out the abrasive language I'd probably use.

Maybe y'all can start going out to dinner to celebrate instead? You could get by at a nice sushi place on $150.

>>18362451
He would be disappointed, and regardless of whether or not he gets mad initially, I can't justify not getting him a gift in my own mind. It's like saying I don't care.

>>18362453
This is actually a good idea. Next time I think I will just arrange a surprise visit to his favorite steak joint. I'll plan for some of his out of town friends to be there, too, to make it special. Thanks anon!

This is childish as fuck.

You should tell him what you told us, that you're getting tired of this situation.

>>18362441
>tl;dr just spent money for my husband's bday and when he found out he flipped his shit and is super pissed at me. wat do

cheat on him, then divorce.
I mean it's not like your marriage is gonna last anyway. There's probably still time for a second husband.

>>18362488
Are you sure he'd be disappointed, or is that you just assuming he would be? Communicating you don't care what someone thinks is when you do something they don't want even though you know they don't want you to. For example, I like to express I care about people by giving them meat, but that doesn't work out well with my vegetarian friends, so I have to respect their feelings and resist even though I don't understand their position. You should talk to your husband about how he feels and what he actually wants instead of doing things "for him" because it makes you feel good to do.

Thanks to my background I can possibly understand why he acts this way.

Gift him sex if he don't want material goods. Love is always the best gift.

>>18362441
If he doesn't want an expensive gift then just don't get him one. Get a few cheap things he will like like a big steak and a 6 pack of beer.

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>>18362441

>wat do

Divorce him and find someone who isn't a controlling, immature hunk of shit.

>>18362603
>tfw all men outside of 4chan are like that after they've been with OP

>>18362631

Speak for yourself. This mentality all just boils down to another half-assed attempt at blaming someone else for the fact that you're a piece of shit.

>>18362645
>Speak for yourself
nuh uh I'm from 4chin I'm good looking, mature, not controlling and overall very nice to OP

>>18362441
If you honestly have no idea what to do or how to talk to him about this, I would suggest counseling.

>>18362441
I know someone who hates getting unexpected gifts. IIRC, her rationale is that it makes shopping for everything else more stressful, because she has to worry about getting duplicates. The main takeaway is that people either clear gifts with her in advance, or more often just don't buy her things; she's okay with this, and so are her friends and family.

I think your husband has something similar going on, though probably with a different reason. It's worse in your case because evidently he can't communicate to you exactly what he wants or why.

Asking him to explain in detail what he wants to happen is probably the key to this. Options include him buying you presents and you not buying him any, neither of you buying each other presents, and only letting each other buy certain kinds of presents. If things have gone on this long, either he's a bad communicator or you're a bad listener (probably both), and he needs to express a very weird preference, so you'll need to be very patient and rigorous.

(A good starting point would probably be to return the watch to show you're taking this seriously. Hope you kept the receipt?)

Also. If someone I loved did to me what you're doing to him - dismiss his stated preferences, ignore his boundaries, do things you know will make him unhappy, and basically make it clear you don't think he's a real person - I'd burn all the presents and cut contact.

This is a lot like me and actually goes back to childhood, like most traumas.

I grew up poor. Not eating spam and holes in shoes poor. But had my electricity cut countless times, cheap food like McDs every other day when it was actually a dollar, or my mom asking my aunt for $$ for school supplies. Basically, I am incredibly frugal when it comes to spending other peoples money. When in college and I had my own money, believe me I spend a lot of money including concert tickets and drunken trips down the shore, because it was MY MONEY. But if my mom said lets go to the mall I'll buy you something, I always declined and continue to this day. I hate getting gifts as well because of fucked up childhood and ruined holidays.

>>18362793
They are both ignoring each other's needs, his are not more important than her's just because he throws a temper tantrum. Everything else you said was pretty spot on, but they both need to communicate and actually here each other. Placating to a tantrum will only lead to more of the same behavior.

>>18362871
>but they both need to communicate and actually here each other
if people could do that threads like this wouldn't exist

>>18362879
I'm not saying it's possible for lots of couples, just that advice like that won't fix the issue. I don't want OP to think she has to just suck it up, they need to talk.

>>18362441
Every couple should have three bank accounts - Our Money, His Money and Her Money. What you do with your account is none of his business, and vice versa

>having a joint bank account in the first place

You straight fucked up femanon. Never do this in any relationship.

>Anyway, he is giving me the silent treatment right now, which I expected, but I'm also getting pretty tired of this song and dance.

Haha, what a sad pathetic excuse for a man. He's sulking like a toddler because you bought him a gift? This is either emotional manipulation against you (for control I assume) or he genuinely is just a fucking idiot and has no idea how basic gratitude and kindness works.

Unless you guys have $500 in the bank or are about to end up living on the street, he has no right to be a cunt about any of this. And I think you knew that when you made this thread. You're looking for others to tell you to get rid of / divorce him because you're not woman enough to come to that conclusion yourself.

Well, here you go: get rid of him. He's a stupid, obsessive, sulky manchild who doesn't sound like he deserves respect or gifts.

Get rid of him, OP
kill him, burn him

he sounds very controlling, which must be annoying for you. you're also ignoring his wishes which will clash with his controlling attitude and be very frustrating for him. that might be a deeper prob in your relationshit but im gonna assume that this is surface level so lets ignore that for now.
what id do is work out a budget, with him, on what is appropriate to spend on holiday / birthday gifts. emphasize that giving gifts make you happy. he will emphasize that spending money makes him unhappy. look reasonably at your budget and find a number that both of you can land on. once you come to an agreement, stick to it. i would do this asap.

>>18362445
Lots of people dont like gifts. I dont get mad but its embarrassing as fuck when people make a b.deal out of my birthday and I think Christmas should be for kids (more money to spend on the kids if you arent buying for the adults). Actually, I guess I do get pretty mad when someone who has known me long enough to know better still gets me a gift.