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I'm in love with a colleague from high school since February.

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I'm in love with a colleague from high school since February. I tried my best to suppress my autism and got close to her, and despite her giving off some very positive signals at first, it turns out she's friendly and enthusiastic with every other male as well. She also told a mutual friend "there is someone that might be interested in me, but I have no romantic interested in him" - she was clearly referring to me, since no one else was chasing her. So I'm aware my chances with her are low.

She's very traditional, very girly, maybe shy, and comes from a strict religious nutso family (I'm also religious, so her family won't be a problem). Only wants sex after marriage. She's not exactly sought after by other guys, either, so I doubt she will be taken any time soon.

I used to be very socially awkward, but I'm getting a lot better. I can easily make small talk with any girl, except of course the one I involuntarily put on a pedestal for god knows what reason, and despite not being the most charismatic guy around I think people generally enjoy my company. I consider myself to be at least a 7/10, I'm around 6 feet tall and I'm fit.

Now my question is: summer is coming. For three months I won't be with this girl. I want to use these three months to reset my mentality, and to better myself any way I can in order to try and make this girl fall with me next year. I'll go to the gym twice the times I currently go, I'll put myself out there more in order to increase my conversation skills, I'll dedicate myself to my lifelong dream of creating music in order to keep my mind off her and to remind myself she's not my only objective in life. I'll do whatever it takes to cultivate a great personality and better my body and mind. But how do I go about doing this? How do I change my mindset? I think that with a better mentality, I would be able to earn this girl's love. Maybe I'll still get rejected after all this but I'm not going down without a fight.
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Also feel free to try and knock some sense into me, already spent hours reading and watching videos about oneitis/limerence/infatuation/whatever, they only help me in short term. I'm still obsessed with this girl and I don't think that's going to change until I get some really definitive closure. Or if time just does its thing I guess
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>>18361677
Sounds like you have the right mindset and mentality, young buck! Your rounds are packed up and ready to be sent downrange!

Now as simple as it sounds, you have to take that loaded magazine and lock that shit to the rear.

That means you have to take the first step and keep running. Hardest part!

You have the formula down! Your focus now is to immediately get your butt to the gym or snatch up an instrument; keep busy and make no excuses.

Idle hands are the Devil's plaything!
So get on the bounce and keep rocking steady!
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>>18361743
lol I like this larp.
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>>18361677
> I'm in love

stopped right there.

Love isn't gonna help if one of you cheats on the other. love isn't going to help when you get drunk and punch her. love isn't going to save you when you get kicked out of the house on a stormy night.

do yourself a favor and find a girl you want to spend the rest of your life with whether she is your gf or best friend.

Relationships that are held together by the dissolving glue of romanticism never last. But people who fucking choose to be in your pathetic life, the ones who say "yeah I want you in my life and I want to be in yours". The ones who don't need to say that, but still do anyway. The ones who don't need a reason to be your friend and support you. Those are the fucking people you want in your life. I don't need a relationship to know that I've got love. I have yet to find any girl that can offer me love of such a high caliber that it's comparable to that of my friends.

Yeah, you find someone like that you better not ever let them go. This world is a shitty fucking place. It's cruel, and it don't give a fuck what god you pray to or what your karma is. 99% of the time you're dealt mediocrity, IF you're lucky. But when that 1% rolls around you extend your arms as far as they can go and you embrace those motherfuckers cause no one will love you as unconditionally as friends will.
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>>18361855
someone else watches jordan peterson...

that said you're a bit pessimistic. also while you're entirely right about being with someone that you can't help but want in your life and to be a part of theirs, you have to have love there. while a relationship based entirely in romance isn't going to last, neither is one that is based entirely in cold calculating logic. I try to balance both, finding someone that I know I want around and that I could mesh well with, but also someone that absolutely drives me up a wall with desire. it's only happened twice in my entire life. I lost the first chance because I was too young and inexperienced to know how a man should act and what his obligations are in a relationship. then I made the mistake of thinking I'd never feel that again and had a horrible relationship based in mediocrity.

you find someone that ticks the calculating logic boxes, that also drives you up a wall with desire, and that you know you want to be there for... and if they find that you do the same for them... that, you don't ever let go of. ever.
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>>18361924
and you do your absolute damndest to ensure that when you find that person, you have improved yourself and built yourself up enough that you are worthy of that blessing, that you are someone that can uphold your obligations to that person for the rest of your life. you push so fucking hard that you put a toll on your body because you never know when that person is going to pop up and you'd better be ready. you sacrifice anything and everything of your personal pleasure to ensure that when that person pops up you have fulfilled the barest obligation of not wasting that blessing before it even begins by living like a degenerate and wasting all that you have to give so that there's not much more left.
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>>18361855
Dude I'm not even twenty yet. Life hasn't been bitter enough for me to adapt such a pessimist view on it. Not to say that doesn't make sense - I'm sure that in ten or twenty years this will make a lot of sense for me. But as a young, emotional, immature, naive and hopeful young adult, this is not the kind of view I want to have on life.

>>18361743
kek thanks sarge


Just to clarify, what I want is to change my mentality. I don't want to put this girl on a pedestal anymore, I want to stop spaghetting whenever I talk to her. I don't want her to think of me as the quiet, nice awkward guy. I want her to laugh at my jokes. I want to become more "alpha", the kind of guy that puts his arms around her shoulder when studying without thinking twice. I don't even know man, I know I'm being very vague, but I just know there's something very wrong with my mindset and I can't quite put my finger on it
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>>18361974
>I don't even know man, I know I'm being very vague, but I just know there's something very wrong with my mindset and I can't quite put my finger on it
you're young. also, the nervousness with talking to girls doesn't just go away. it's because you actually give a shit about her and want to be with her, that means there's something on the line with your interactions. the guys that aren't nervous and never drop spaghetti it's because they don't give a shit. most of them don't give a shit about any woman. but the way society is today teaches women that it's not normal for a guy to be nervous at all and teaches men that you need to be that guy. that's another part of doing your absolute damndest to make sure you've done all that you can to be the best version of you that you can be. you'll still be nervous and might drop spaghetti because you care and you want things to go well, but you'll be a lot more confident if you're not worrying about whether or not you're worth enough for her to be interested.

you're already on the right track with wanting to improve yourself. just know that at the age you're at and how many things you don't know and the growing up you've still gotta do, even if she is perfect for you it's likely not going to work out.

watch jordan peterson's stuff on youtube young man.
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>>18362029
Alright, that makes sense. You're right, it's normal to be nervous since so much is at stake. And you got other thing right - I'm not sure if I feel worthy of being with her. I never really had self-esteem problems, even when I was a lonely bum, but now that you mention it whenever we're interacting it's like I'm desperately trying to prove to her that I'm a worthy of her love, like a salesman trying to sell an unwanted product. It's not natural and it's extremely hard - just like our conversations. That shouldn't be the case though. That might also be the root of some of my problems. I'll just improve myself in any way I can over the summer.

Also I've watched some of Jordan Peterson's lectures, his videos on reading were pretty interesting. Didn't know he also covered this kind of stuff. I'll check him out, thanks a lot.
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>>18362124
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXi9bwI6cY8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QVQZSSi_m0 this one is brand new too. good stuff.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sGBOMiR0gc

>clean your room
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>>18361678
She lead you on with no intention of making you a romantic interest. That alone should be enough to make not want her anymore.
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>>18363055
She didn't actualy lead me on, it was mainly me misinterpreting signals
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I am going to play the devils advocate here: a little jealousy wouldnt hurt her and having some good experiences and self respect will make you an more interesting partner for her.

I was talking with my GF quite a bit about this, basically, this girl sees you as a nice person, but has never seen you in a romantic/ sexual way.
jealousy, is one of multiple ways you can show a girl this, but one of the easiest. it would mean, staying friends with her, but beeing a total pussy slayer on the side and telling her about it, in a non bragging way.

The other option would be: disapear from the face of the earth, come back as a well traveled well read mature man, who still is into her.
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>>18364159
I good advice, she definitely doesn't see me in a romantic way and that is a problem. I'll try to see what I can do in terms of hooking up with someone this summer, or try to make her jealous by giving more attention to her friends for example.

And yeah I'm definitely planning on not talking to her at all for three months and then showing up as a better, more confident person, that should help
Thread posts: 15
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