Hi /adv/ I am in my late (very late) twenties and my 30th birthday

>>18357794
Don't fall into the quarterlife crisis myth. Time has changed so don't feel pressured to have a child now. Give it time.

>>18357797

This is my thinking. I know people who have had children and seem very happy, but it limits your life so much. I don't know if I feel enthusiastic about that level of commitment.

My major worry is that I'll put having children off until 32/33 and then find I'm unable to have them, or potentially experience problems where it takes us longer to conceive. I'd also like more than one child, which is where it causes issues waiting longer.

>>18357802
My mother was 31 when she had her first child and its not that uncommon

>>18357804
It's still dangerous though. The longer the wait the longer the risk. Make up your mind soon op. Time is against you.

>>18357819

Yeah, this is another issue. There is a clear link between older parents and autism for example.

My mother had me when she was 37 but it was after several miscarriages. I don't know the reason for these but I also don't know if it's something I'm likely to experience if I started trying for a baby.

I figured holding off for another 18 months wouldn't be a bad idea, as I can focus on getting myself completely financially comfortable, possibly own a house and I'll also get the best maternity package from my employer.

>>18357819
When's the upper limit until it starts getting risky?

>>18357826
Every year you wait it gets harder to concieve. I'd say 35 is the deadline, then on it's extremely hard or not even possible. What your mind set about kids? what do you wish to get from this?

>>18357823
I think you'll be alright waiting another 18 months honestly. You can always see a docter to get a check up to make sure everything is fine.

>>18357870

I really love the idea of having a child with my partner. We're in a very strong position to raise a child and I think the whole experience would be a positive one for us. I just worry that I'm potentially selling our relationship short by rushing into parenthood before we've had the time to enjoy each other properly, without the additional pressure of a child.

It's not that I don't feel ready, or that I don't think my partner would make a wonderful parent. I'm just well aware that you cannot change your mind about something like this and it's very difficult to get to the point where you can say, without question, that you want a child.

>>18357794
Raising a child is one of the most important things you can do imo.
And the fact that you're weighing the pros and cons rather than just rushing into it means you would probably be a better parent than most.

>>18357957

Thank you. I think this is more because I am a born worrier, rather than a potentially good parent, but this made me feel pretty good.

As I said, I'm financially and mentally ready to have children. I just want to make sure it's the best thing for me and my partner, as I'm fully aware of the impact having a child can have on a couple.

I also want to make sure I've done everything I want to do prior to having children, as I want to be able to steer them in the right direction and teach them through my experiences.

I know some people who have gone into parenthood completely unprepared, who are doing a fantastic job though, so I reckon I'm probably just overthinking the whole thing.

No one ever consented to being born, how is it fair to subject them to this imperfect world where they might die young from disease or have a shit life due to mental illness. There are already so many unwanted children already here having a shit life with no mom or dad. You should help them by adopting or becoming a foster parent when you and your partner are ready, instead of just having a kid that looks like you to satisfy your vanity.

There's no biological time limit on adoption as well.

>>18357794
Just ask his views. How you come across is his problem.

Im your age and My gf and I are going childless. Well established and well agreed upon.

Thats a cool option too but.. Your life.

>>18358014
Lol

I wonder how long until she "accidentally" forgets her birth control.

You are still capable of having children. Whether you think it is time is he up for it? Instead of asking strangers you should talk to your SO. How well are you off financially? Is he ready to support you during the nine months? he ready to pull in double time at the office once you have the child?

>>18358020
She doesnt take birth control.
She got pregnant 3 years ago and aborted it. Not our life mang.

>>18358014

Thanks for your input. Funnily enough, when we first together we both said neither of us were bothered about children. Not that we didn't want children, but neither of us had a box to tick regarding it.

My partner was the one who mentioned that although he would be happy spending his life with me if we chose not to have children, this is the first time he has actively wanted children.

So I suppose we're a bit like you and your partner, just not as decided.

>>18358025

We have discussed it. And I am the higher earner, so it is likely that I would be the one returning to work earlier. We are financially comfortable (although this is at the moment, without a child which can be expensive). I think he would be happy to care for me through the pregnancy.

I think I've come across as someone who is frightened of discussing this with my partner and I'm really not. I'm more concerned about my age and the risks of putting it off.

Dude, if you're in a developed country, I think 35 is when you need to start being concerned.

30 isn't that old. Talk to your partner and if you want to have a kid get on it.

>been with my partner for around a year

uhh. maybe wait on that shit then.

>>18358151

Almost 18 months to be specific. And like I said, we have known each other for eight years as very close friends, so it's not like we're new to each other.

>>18357794
Its kind of a funny and unspoken. People think everyone with kids 'planned' it. I would wager atleast 50% of people in relationships have their first child by mistake, and just come to a decision of "lets keep it and go for it...white picket fences and traditional family". Its often what puts a final seal/stamp on your relationship. When two people decide to have a little one together...your not onlyaccepting parenthood. Your accepting each other as lifelong partners. No grey area bullshit. Its "this is the one for me".

If you two are already feeling you guys are meant to be. I wouldbt delay and just have one. You dont want to be the 40 year old paying for invitro and being an old fucker when your kids are in high school.

>>18358159
how long have you lived together?

I mean if you're ready, then go for it.

I've been with my husband for 9 years. 5 of those have been living together, 2 of them married. I'm almost 30 myself. I don't really think I want to have a kid at this point. I also have experience dealing with children (friends, family, working at a K-5 school)

I'm not ready to deal with some of the crazy kids can have.

>>18357794
It is the best thing that ever happened to me. It teaches you self sacrifice, and if you are a good parent, the reward is the real, unconditional love that you can only get from your child. It adds a whole new dimension to your life.

Just bite the bullet and go for it!

Practically, you will sacrifice a lot of personal freedoms, for example no more sex anywhere and any time you please. Also, there are different children, some are easy (my daughter, you never need to tell her twice and she is very careful about everything) some not so much (my son just locked himself in the bathroom the other day while I was at work, so my wife panicked on one side of the bathroom while he cried on the other, till a neighbor broke the door). Having grandparent help is great, if you can arrange it. But you raise your children, not grandparents or hired help.

>>18358174

Thank you for your response :)

>>18358177

A year. It's funny you say that because I always joke...for every super adorable baby I see and get really broody over, within a few hours i see or hear a child that puts me off parenthood completely. I hear it's different when it's your own though.

>>18358767

Thank you :) I don't think it's possible to not be completely in love with your own child and it's reassuring to know it turned out so well for you. My partner has a brother very close to us in distance but no parents, and my parents live around 50 miles away, so I was a bit worried about not having the support nearby. As you said though, it's important not to rely on other people and I'm sure we could manage without that.

>>18358857
You also have to bear in mind that other anon's kids are healthy and normal, yours might not be.

Could you handle a kid with severe birth defects?

>>18358863

Absolutely not. This is my main concern.