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Why am I so unable to talk to women? I've gone out plenty

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Why am I so unable to talk to women?
I've gone out plenty of times to try and meet the sort of ladies I'm attracted to, and yet for whatever reason I can't get myself to actually go up to talk to them.

But... The weird thing is, I'm not scared at all. I've had girlfriends in the past. I can handle rejection just fine, it's nothing personal, so I think I can safely rule out nerves.

It's more like... Whenever I see someone I want to introduce myself to, I start to second guess myself. I think things like, "my hair doesn't look good enough," or, "these aren't very attractive clothes," and most often, "this isn't a good place to start a conversation."

So, convinced that everything is all wrong, I pass on the opportunity and move on. I never realize it's happening in the moment, but the as soon as I leave, I immediately regret wasting that chance, and it depresses me.

I tried again earlier today, and now that I've come home and thought about it, it occurred to me what was happening, and I realized... this might not be something I can fix on my own. Not completely, anyway. Something is blocking me psychologically, I think, and I don't have the faintest idea how to fix it.

What should I do? Should I get therapy? Should I just give up and wait until someone falls into my lap? No... That's not a very satisfying answer. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I even can do. The longer I go on like this, the worse it gets. My disappointment in myself deepens by orders of magnitude.

Jesus. I sound like a bitch.
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Lurking to find out answers that I need as well.
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>>18354371
What age are you? What is your physique like? What is your occupation?
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>>18354371
this will sound super cliche but desu you're just self conscious and getting less self conscious will help.

i don't think there's any immediate fix, but start working out. get a better wardrobe. get a nice haircut (not from one of those mega-chain places, local places will 9 out of 10 times have betters stylists)
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>>18354371
I'm somewhat like you and I was more like you in the past.

What >>18355396 says, pretty much. Your self-esteem is probably low. Don't compare yourself to others, stop.
Example here:
Don't worry if you're skinny or something. I worried a bit about it then I realized that many women have skinny bfs and they actually think it's sexy. So most of the stuff is in your head.

Also try going to the gym, you don't need to look like a big bad bodybuilder, in fact I would advise against it. Just keep your body in shape. You can be muscular even when skinny for example.

Do cardio, it helps with mental health, and/or play some sport you like.
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Think and act more with your emotions than rationally.

This last part is obvious, but it's obviously the solution. Be confident in yourself. Be the best man in the world and if you aren't them pretend you are (at least to yourself, don't pretend to get that you're something if you aren't what you say you are). So worrying so much, relax and have fun.
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Every time you walk away instead of acting in spite of your insecurities you strengthen those thought patterns. You really have to say "fuck it" at some point and just do what you want to do of you ever want to change this.
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>>18355391
I'm 22, svelte, and conventionally attractive. I exercise occasionally so I'm not unfit. I do data entry work, and am planning to go back to school in the fall.
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>>18355410
>>18355545
>>18355408
It sounds so simple written out like that... Well, it's worth a try anyway.
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>>18355582
It is simple. It's not always easy and it definitely doesn't always feel good in the moment but it's necessary for growth and development of real self confidence
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>>18355582
It's easier said than done though, unfortunately. It's a hard process. See >>18355622

Remember this part in my post >>18355408 :
>Don't worry if you're skinny or something. I worried a bit about it then I realized that many women have skinny bfs and they actually think it's sexy.

You don't really analyze everything when you do things (and you shouldn't except when it helps you with growth) and even when you do you only have anecdotal evidence. So you can easily think that something is wrong (with you) or that you don't do things properly.
That's not the case. Trust your instincts and guts and try to do what you want to/feel you should do. Like >>18355410 said it.

For starters just decide on some sport and start doing it or go do some cardio (not necessarily in a gym.) meanwhile try to interact with the folks there.

Some more advice if you decide on personal change and grow:
There will be people who will try to confuse you, tell you you're wrong, hate you or bullshit you, tease you with bullshit for doing something. Basically they will have a problem with you if start to change.
Disregard them. Most people (your average guy) don't like change or someone being better than them so they go on the offensive as soon as they detect something like that. They might not even know consciously about it.
This is natural. Your average guy, especially in situations like this, is an asshole. Lot of people are asshole even if it doesn't show.
Don't let this discourage you. When someone tells you "You have changed." or "You shouldn't do that." or basically as soon as people start having a "problem" with you know that you're doing something right. Use this as a *positive* feedback.
Unfortunately, this can (will) mean losing friends. You probably won't see it like this, but they aren't really your friends if they berate you for trying to be better. (Try to) Leave them behind, there will be new ones, people with similar mindsets.

Part II (final part incoming.)
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>>18355582
>>18355641
This is all necessary for a positive self-growth and confidence. It's also not something you just do and then be done with it. You will go through some major changes, but after that you will be doing this stuff for the rest of your life; you will be acting positively and reinforcing yourself with your actions.

Don't be afraid to trust guys who went through this already. They are usually kind, because they have no reason not to be. They can freely give, because they aren't afraid of someone becoming/being better than them.

More advice:
Don't be afraid of failure. You are going to fail. Decide whether you care about it at all, when you do care then learn from it and move on.
Complimentary advice: measure yourself to your previous self from one second ago or one year ago not to someone else. The only measurement you should do regarding others is something like "Hey, that's cool. I want to learn that too.". Anything else is probably unhealthy.

Learn to differentiate between actually trust-able people and friends and others. Yes, you have to learn to simply don't take most random people seriously. Don't take what people say to the heart.

In fact don't take life itself seriously. That can lead to sudden, impulsive and incorrect choices and you will focus on unnecessary shit. When someone judges you, they judge you. It's their irrelevant opinion, not yours. What's irrelevant is for you to decide.

At the beginning, if you're unsure about yourself then stop and think whether what you want to do is beneficial to yourself and your goals or you're doing work for someone else when you shouldn't.


I know all these points are rather cliche, but the thing is the journey is far more important than the destination. The journey will make you better, because that provides you with experience.

PS: These are just my own experiences and I exaggerated some points so you won't be self-conscious. Go out and make an ass of yourself today, it's a good thing.
Thread posts: 12
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