How can i be more of what girls want? I don't think i have

Stop trying to be what you imagine the girls wanting in a man, and be enough of what you are, at your best, for them to discover what they never realized they wanted. In other words, show them something they might've missed out on in other
guys they've dated.

The list is kind of obvious when you change your mind about what women want. Protip: they pretty much want the same as men do - assertiveness, attraction-building, tender loving care, sex, humor, honesty/sincerity, positive body language, touching, a good listener, outcome-independence

Leave whatever reasons you think you got for bringing your depression into this, let go of your worries when you're with a woman - she isn't asking for it - and deal with your depression as a separate part of your life. Seduction is an art form when done right, and from what little you're telling, I suspect you might come off as an anti-seducer.

Dude, you got hundreds of matches. I've been doing tinder for three years, only got 70 matches, and only met six or seven women in that time - but atm I'm into six months of dating a girl I matched with in November, and she pretty much loves me. Two years ago I was depressed, and would scare women away in no time. Become the change you want to see. Hundreds of matches shouldn't go to waste, and you deserve to stop hurting inside.

Look up videos on YouTube on letting go (sedona), how to hold a conversation like a man and mistakes intelligent guys do with women, word for word

>>18352761
Stop acting and being like what girls say they want and act more and be like what you observe girls actually wanting. That said, I hate PUA shit but that's pretty much the foundation it's built on, with layers of insecurity on both sides. From your self description, you're wayyyy too inside your own head. Live a bit more superficially and you can learn to appreciate things at the surface level.

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>wants to be what girls want
>gets tons of tinder matches
Go fuck yourself OP. These tinder bitches swipe right on me

>>18352800
>>18352808

I get it. I know i have good qualities, but the anxiety is holding me back from my potential! I don't want to be a phony and be someone who's not really me, but in my current state, i'm unattractive. I'm just a nervous wreck.

>>18352819

Doesn't matter if they like a few pictures of me, they don't like ME. I want to be wanted by someone because they genuinely love every minute spent with me.

>>18352835
>I don't want to be a phony and be someone who's not really me
Where is the real you located? Are you less yourself by saying and doing something you haven't said or done before? If you're used to walking around telling people to fuck off if they wish you a nice day, you won't become someone less yourself if you change that behaviour, but people might resent you less. What you do on a date isn't a 100% reflection of what you intrinsically are in and of yourself, but an active intent for what you want the girl you're with to experience. You can choose to not say and do stuff that'll push her away, and choose to build attraction with her, and you'll be no less yourself by the end of it.

I really do encourage you to watch the videos I mentioned. Invest three hours of your life on something that I personally feel got me out of depression and lack of (the right kind of) confidence with women

>>18352883

Alright thanks, i'll take a look. I just get like stage fright almost, trying to 'do good' on my dates, and failing because of that fear. I'm not good in the spotlight, i had to retake public speaking class 3 times because i'd always break down and fuck up my presentations. The girl i'm seeing now basically said "i like you, but you act nervous and awkward all the time and i'm not comfortable around you. I want you to chill out and be more natural so i can get to know the real you".

Now the pressure of trying to fix my image is making me even worse, but we're still trying. We have another date next week, an outdoor excursion. Maybe it'll be fun and i'll have more fun that usual and worry less.

>>18352835
You're not being phony if you're working to becoming your own ideal person.

>I would never do this so I'm phony
vs
>I'm doing this because this is who I want to be

Stop caring and have fun. People say I get obnoxious but girls love it.

>>18352948

I used to be more fun but idk what the hell happened. I became jaded and depressed.

>>18352984
It doesn't matter, just let go of whatever reasons you think you have for not having fun yet again.

If you get nervous, let go of your nervousness. This shit actually works

>>18352761
>Hundreds of tinder matches
>Complains about it anyway
Fuck right off. Seriously.

>>18353092

It doesn't fucking matter when you're a complete sperg. If i got paid to dry up their pussies i'd be rich.

>>18353170
All this disappears as soon as you learn how to build attraction. Being a sperg doesn't mean a thing. You learn a skill set, in this case avoiding spaghetti droppings, doing eye contact right, doing touching right, asking the right questions, giving the right responses, don't talk too much about yourself, tease and be fun and pleasant, etc etc

You start practicing. With hundreds of matches, you got a lot of candidates to practice with. It doesn't matter how many dates you "fail" at, as long as you walk away counting you gains and baby steps. Also, start practicing talking to other strangers, bus drivers, clerks, postal workers etc, just so hi to strangers. The more people you've talked to during your day before a date, the less strange it'll feel when you talk to women you actually want to date. It becomes natural, and you'll be able to acknowledge this for yourself as you're talking with them. When you've actively progressed through a few, slightly more successful dates , you'll be surprised at how quickly your getting good, and you'll be less nervous about interacting with beautiful women. Basically view it as something fun to pass time, not something all-important and critical mass of potential disaster. Failing is just an opportunity to learn and get better.

>>18352761
People who suffer from depression and "extreme" anxiety don't go on dates with dozens of girls. Get over yourself.

>>18353370
I disagree. It's possibly a good way of getting out of depression. Not a magic sauce, but a healthy spice, if you will.

There is such a thing as counterphobic attitude. Speaking from experience.

>>18353398
You cannot be "counterphobic" and also depressed. Counterphobia is proactive behavior, and a depressed person is by definition not proactive.

>>18353170
You're so full of shit that it's painful. Oh no you only saw a girl for a month and a half and it didn't work out! Woe is you! Try never even having a chance. Fuck off.

>>18352835
read gorilla mindset

>>18353755

A month and a half of trying and no sex, when normies literally 'get some' a half hour into watching 'moana' with a girl. You fuck off. I'd rather go back to being a loner than face this frustration. It's so much easier.

>>18353800
is this like a meme around here

>>18352761

ELLIOT ROGER 2.0
ELLIOT ROGER 2.0
ELLIOT ROGER 2.0
THis may sound fucked up but you just have to get an image in your head that YOU are the one to be desired. And make her live up to you (you said you are a handsome guy so it should be hard). Dont be directly disrespectful but show her that she is disposable. Be energetic around her so she can be excited but don't show that she means a lot to you. Its sounds like that would not work but trust me it does.

>>18353427
You need a (You)
As I said, speaking from experience. You don't get to decide how different people deal with depression. Also bipolararity - literally depression and mania.

Two years ago I was assessed for depressive disorder, and my psychologist told me I was already doing a lot of the things he would recommend me doing. I still got diagnosed with moderate depression, plus avoidant personality disorder - something nobody in my life actually believe, since I'm very outgoing and can easily strike up a conversation with strangers. My avoidancy is rooted in my crippling feeling of wanting to fail and not deserving success (in career, relationships, finance, etc.) - not my ability to connect on a conversational level. Depression can take many forms. Do you think Chris Cornell who recently an hero, and was the lead singer of a major 90s rock outfit, and held a concert the night before his suicide, wasn't proactive in his interaction with women?