How do I find the motivation to do the things I want/live the

>>18346796
What are you afraid the most anon?

>>18346812
Judgement, in everything.
Whether it's choices I make, things I say or do.
I fear judgement.

>>18346796
>Can go about a day or two doing good then relapse into self conscious delusion

that's where it's at, trying not to break the chain of "good" days. It's gonna take work though, it took me 6 months (with relapses of course) to stop browsing the internet immediately after I woke up, which used to lead to laying in bed on the phone for almost 2 hours before I eventually got out of bedsheets.

Consistency and discipline, it will finally become a habit. Oh and small changes everyday lead to big changes in a span of a month, took me a long time to get it

>>18346837
This, habits play a big role in our lives.

And what do you wish the most for, OP?

>>18346841
To be something I can be proud of to myself.
Not in the sense of money, or attention.
But something personal.

>>18346843
https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-4

Read this profile. Do you recognize yourself in it?

>>18346849
I can definitely say I realate with it

Did you have any big disappointments in your past that left a sign on yourself?

>>18346871
Can't say for sure.
There are many opportunities I let pass me by, which I am disappointed in myself for letting them go by.
Pretty convinced that they would have led me down a different path and I'd be happier with myself than I am now.

>>18346882
Have you read the suggestions on the page I linked you earlier? If so, do you think they would be helpful or do you feel that the answer is something else?

>>18346905
They are in the bottom of the page btw

still there op?

>>18346849
Goddamn. Not OP but that hits home almost perfectly for me.

>>18346856
I'm a musician type too OP, and I absolutely get the same feelings as you do.
>I need to practice (guitar) more
>Expecting a lot from myself
>Am I good enough as a person?
>Anxiety compounds those feelings
>etc.

You need to learn, as I've slowly started to, to internalize your own accomplishments. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or does or says. What matters is your happiness and doing the things that create it in your life. Try and step back and look at what you've accomplished so far that others can literally only dream of doing. Music isn't easy and I think that's hard to understand as someone who has a knack for it. Anxiety is only the fear of things that MIGHT happen. You have the power to control those thoughts and keep them from dragging you down. Seeing a therapist can really help, even when your instinct is to close yourself off.

I kind of rambled on here, as I'm on my phone, but I hope at least some of what I've said has connected with you because it certainly hit home for me reading your post.