I know that I am mentally ill. I haven't been outside in

>>18343900
I should also add that I have had depersonalization disorder for 10 years.

I have not worked for 4 years and have been sitting in my room going insane. I developed OCD over the past 5 years and idk I dont fucking know what to do . All I know is i dont want to be this person anymore. I want to live a normal life.

Fuck. I want this to end.

>>18343900
OP I'm in the same boat, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

You need to take control of your life. Do the things you know you have to do to sort your life out. It's going to be hard, uncomfortable, and sometimes might make ropes and guns seem so much more tempting. But it WON'T EVER CHANGE if you don't take those steps yourself. Things won't just fall into your lap. Snap the fuck out of it. Don't waste away like me, you'll regret it.

>>18343900
realizing that you have a problem puts you above 80% of the other mentally ill people and means you can actually get it treated. you need professional help so you need to search google for a local therapist or psychologist or psychiatrist.

>>18344037
What if i cannot afford it? most in my area charge 50-150 per session.

>>18344053
have you checked out medicaid/medicare? I'm not sure what options california has, sorry.
You can always attempt to apply for disability and see if you can use the money from that for therapy.

http://www.cdss.ca.gov/SSDI-SSI

try calling a local social security office and seeing if they can guide you in the right direction. good luck!

>>18343900
Oh man you must be fat

>>18343900
give this a listen OP, may help:
http://www.mediafire.com/file/stl5ctg1ptogszt/MWTD.zip

Doctor doctor doctor doctor my medication costs $10 a month and it transformed me desu

>>18344235
im like 150 and can see my own ribs.

>have started working out, but slowly stopped recently, even when I was working out I felt horrible inside
The key is to keep at it. It's a gradual process of improvement, not an instant cure.
I suffer from mental issues aswell and also tend to have workout periods and then, due to blablablabla, stop working out and go back to regressing in my cocoon. However, the periods when ai do manage to keep at it with the training it becomes better, more enjoyable (or less miserable) and the positive effects of it become an increasingly noticeable and I have more power to fight the mental issues that otherwise have power over me.
Fuck yes it's hard but it gets better. The problem is we want to "fix it" asap and sadly it can't be done. We MUST keep at it and when we fall back into our depressive hole, be aware that you have a choice, to stay there or to get back to climbing out of it. I sincerely recommend, anon, that you keep climbing.
I can genuinely say that I know you can do it, because you can. It's about choosing to want to do it, and you do that by taking small steps (even when they seem gigantic for you). Keep taking small steps and the pace will gain momentum little by little. Be patient and KEEP AT IT.

>>18344128
I told a friend i was gonna get social security they said it takes sometimes years to be accepted and they also laughed at me and said "neetbux? what r u autistic?"

Go to therapy
>Go to therapy
Go to therapy
>Go to therapy
Go to therapy
>Go to therapy

File: transformation-through-existential-crisis-8-638.jpg (133KB, 638x479px) Image search: [Google]

133KB, 638x479px

>>18344726
Hard to get therapy for a good price.

I live in Southern California and every single thing is extremely expensive.

Last night I could not fall asleep because I kept having deep existential thoughts, and had at least 3 existential crisis's over the course of 1.5 hours.

I don't know what is going on.

>>18343900
do anything... stop sitting around

Talked to a friend today who is basically a therapist.

We came to the conclusion that there is hidden anger/resentment towards my parents and my alcoholic step fathers (1 was abusive verbally/destructive of everything, extremely psychotic, mom let him get away with it.. the other was just an alcoholic idiot.)

I feel like I should send them all a text/email on how i feel, I never truly got to say anything about since i was young and being 23 now im realizing so many things and realizing why i am the way i am today. at 9 years old i was put on zoloft after my older brother died in my front of me, my parents were neglectful and inconsiderate of my well being.
Should I even bother, I don't know that i would feel better, I don't want to start any stupid conflicts id love to just get past it and move on but I cant stop thinking about all the negative retarded things everyone did.

I just feel so fuckin angry right now. I screamed in the shower this morning, screamed when i laid in bed and screamed for like 5 minutes straight just a few mins ago....

what do i fuckin do..........

>>18347658
I am OP btw ^^^