Girlfriend just broke up with me because I apparently don't

>>18340702
Why pursue a woman who has no interest in you? If you aren't worthy of her time now, why should she be worthy of your time when you improve yourself (whatever that means)?

>>18340706
Because I don't give up easily and am unwilling to accept what I think is a temporary feeling in her. I think that I can change her mind if I can just make myself more attractive physically and socially by working out for the next two years, taking up swing dancing, getting my degree and a fat paycheck.

>>18340722
That's not how attraction works. You can't force someone to see you romantically.

They either have those feelings for you or they don't.

Your best friends. She already likes you as a person so why would more social activities changs the way she feels?

I want you to think of a female friend you have now or had in the past. Now imagine that same friend became marginally more physically fit and took up more social hobbies. Do you think you'd suddenly have feelings for her?

No you wouldn't and your ex won't either.

You made a go of it. You were together. You tried. And you guys didn't work. If you did, you'd be together now.

But it's only been a year and she's already lost interest. Even if you were to get bavk together, what do you think will happen after another year? After five? Ten?

You couldn't even make it through the first year. Which is the easiest year of the relationship.

She doesn't like you like that OP.

Time to move on.

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>>18340970
Thanks for the illustration, that makes things a little clearer to some extent. At the same time, even years before we were even going out, while we were clearly defined as friends, we would make out and engage in heavy petting regularly.
If I were never seen by her in that way, I wouldn't be so bothered, but it boggles my mind that I could go from someone she's said she wants to marry and regularly shows love and physical attraction to, to someone she's just not attracted to in the span of a few months.
By all accounts, I was good to her and made her happier than any past boyfriends.
Can anyone provide any insight into what might be going through her head that would cause such a shift?

>>18341529
>it boggles my mind that I could go from someone she's said she wants to marry and regularly shows love and physical attraction to, to someone she's just not attracted to in the span of a few months.
By all accounts, I was good to her and made her happier than any past boyfriends.

Same thing happened to me with an ex girlfriend, also of one year. Her parents nearly ripped her in half when they found out, because they had seen how happy I made their daughter, and how well I treated her.
The switch in her flipped overnight, instead of over months as in your case. Literally out of the blue. Never got an explanation out of her - even after all that time and effort invested, it only became clear to me that she had some serious issues once it was all over.

Once I had gotten over the initial shock of the breakup, I quickly realized that it really was for the better.
In the end, she had no respect for me or my time, and didn't appreciate the effort I put into our time together.
She wasted a year of my life, but I'm better off without her around.
OP, if you're like me and would like to start a family one day, is a woman who is so unstable that she can pull a complete 180 in the blink of an eye someone you want to be the mother of your children?
To me, the answer to that question is a resounding 'no'. My kids will be raised in a household where the values of biological mom and dad set the tone, or not at all.
Whatever our ex's reasonings were, they did us a favor by finally showing their true colors.

You need to forget about her. The quicker you can do that, the better. You don't want a person like that in your life, not even as a friend.

If she's been long distance for months and she suddenly lost feelings I'd bet everything I own that she met someone else and developed feelings. I also would bet everything I own that if you NC her she will contact you within a year wanting to get back together and missing you. I wouldn't recommend actually doing it because she had her shot and you should move on.

you spoiled a whore
dont do that

>I'm everything she wants in a husband, but the feeling of romance isn't there anymore.

you are the wallett, do you want to keep a prostitute? pay and get sex, call it a wife

>>18340702
>I want you to think of a female friend you have now or had in the past. Now imagine that same friend became marginally more physically fit and took up more social hobbies. Do you think you'd suddenly have feelings for her?

Not feelings, but certainly gets me attracted. This has already happened to me many times and happened to female friends of mine, which years later have hit on me, while I was just the funny nerd guy from highschool. It just happens, and sometimes you can't even point out why or how.

Just last weekend I hooked up with a 6 year friend that back then I'd swear I didn't feel attracted at all (and she probably didn't either).

>>18340702
>Girlfriend just broke up with me because I apparently don't attract her
>the feeling of romance isn't there anymore
>We're best friends
Tfw been there done that. It's hard. Especially if you have to watch this person move on to the next as a friend, it's fucking torture. Your heart pulling you both ways at the same time.
It might be cased for you, there is possibility of winning her back, but the fact she said she isn't attracted to you is a bad sign. Might be a long haul with little to no return.

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Thanks to all anons in the thread, its been very helpful.
>>18342246
Do I just cut contact with her? She tries to tell me funny things going on in her life from time to time and it pains me to think of not responding. Is it best for my chances in the long run or am I seriously risking the loss of a friend?

>>18342336
I didn't move on until recently which is months after we broke up with an on-off sexual relationship following the break up. But I moved on because she's been treating me like shit, expecting the support a bf gives a girl and not supporting me even enough to satisfy what I expect from a close friend. So it's a little different. Honestly I struggled with the decision for a while, hoping I could get her back even before she started buggin out. That's the only thing that let me keep her around. And I fucked her a few times, had some heavy makeout sessions, ate her out a few times, flirted with the idea of starting a less-serious relationship with her this time, but it ended up falling apart for pretty much the same reasons we originally broke up. So it's really a tough game. Honestly, I can't say I regret staying around because the pussy was good as fuck, but I wanted more than that and it was a let-down that led me to a lot of darkness.
Speaking rationally, I'd say it's probably best to cut her off. If she really depends on you and wants you in her life, she'll chase after you. If not, you probably couldn't swing it anyway and you probably saved yourself a lot of work and disappointment (even if you get pussy it will prolly be a disappointment desu). It's probably a healthier move.

>>18342356
Thanks, m8. I'll take what you've had to say under consideration.

>>18342404
Good luck, G. I know it's tough. You love her, correct?

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>>18342450
You know it. She says she loves me too "regardless of how it looks" and I believe her when she says that.
In other news, OP can't stop fucking things up for himself

>>18342460
You aren't fucking things up bro. This is a hard situation and you need to deal with it on your own terms. It's a struggle for you and not her, so she isn't going to give you easy options, you have to walk the path that is right for you.
When she says she loves you, it's probably the human component. I've had girls tell me this after we broke up many times, it never means romantic love. It means something that was either once romantic love that got stripped down to dependence, appreciation and empathy, or it is just the wrong kind of love that never fully satisfied the needs of the relationship. And if you chase that love as if it is something more than it is, you will likely push her away and disappoint yourself.

>>18340702

The mistake you made was not banging her.

You cant get a girl in bed with words alone, even if you form a relationship, you have to keep "pushing" into her comfort zone, just a little bit at a time.

It is expected even if she doesnt say so, even if she says she's concerned about getting too attached.

You have to keep pushing anyway because her Feelings will govern her decisions most likely, her inhibitions will break down and before you know it she will be compromising on what she said were her limits...

"I want you" (starts taking her pants off)
"I thought you said you wasnt comf.." (you erringly protest)
"I dont care, I want you" (you better not let her down, or you're dead)

Never assume that a girl Doesn't Want It... it only means she's timid about getting it, or she hasn't been properly seduced into letting herself get it (girls are WEAK in this fashion, they cant go after what they want).

And if she truly is a frigid prune scared of sex or has no place for it in her life then you DO NOT want her as marriage material. Thats an old lady with cats. It is inhuman to deny your own sex drive.


Fact is you've let her down, and she's frigid towards you now. She's probably not going to give you any in-roads to push back into her comfort zone.

You've proven that you don't have Confidence and Manly Power, and she is subconsciously seeking a more powerful mate. She doesnt Know this, but thats the reason she Feels the way she does.

This ship has probably already sailed, but now you know how to prevent Round 2 from striking.

Also before you talk about "virtue" from the old days you need to seriously consider that the Old Days weren't nearly as prudent as you were told. Getting fucked by suitors and keeping it a secret was widespread.

>>18340702
>>18342785

>5000 miles away
So is her feelings about you.

I was going to say that you need to offer to become Fuckbuddies "because im sorry I didnt know you wanted more out of it, I just thought you would get scared and run away"
But its more likely she's just maintaining contact out of pity and to keep her time occupied with whatever memes you're able to toss her way. You are a Chore.

If you see her again, she'll have another guy, and she'll probably be trying to minimize any contact with you in person when she comes back because now you're a creepy orbiter.
You need to find Other girls now. She's gone. She's dead to you.

Good news is, armed with this confidence, you could find another girl Tomorrow for all you know.

But you are gonna have to make sure you can talk to girls about subjects to keep them enthralled. And you're gonna have to push into their personal territory, physical touch is gonna have to happen when she's primed for it.

>>18342460
>>18342785

ehh she'll be back in august then huh?

Tell her what I just told you and you might have a chance.

Turning over a new leaf - bringing it to the next level might actually get her interested.

Make sure you let her know its for her, you're not a horny loon but something made you recognize she has needs and you thought you'd offer this because you dont want her to slip away (when you two could still be gold together)

> best way to bring fire back into a relationship is to Inject Passion into it, directly

>>18342805

After all you've got nothing to lose. Just hit her up for sex and as much as she wants.

Girls are rarely strong enough to tell a guy that she needs sex. Even in marriages she'll start cheating rather than tell a guy she needs it more in the sack.

>>18342824
Idk, girls I've been with are pretty forward about their sexual needs in general. I've only had a female beating around the bush about liking really rough sex, she told me after we broke up and I fucked the shit out of her choking her, holding her down, etc... Made her weekend.
I fuck with relatively easy girls though. Not like nasty whores, but dope chicks with a hint of thottie. Which idk, I like sex, I like a girl who needs my dick in her frequently and isn't afraid to tell me.

>>18342824

its this simple, and it should be said just as blunt:

<quote>
Listen I was talking to some people and they suggested we ought to hookup and start having sex. It could just be a friend with benefits type of thing, but if you wanted to get back together we could do that too. Someone said "the best way to put passion back in a relationship is to put the Passion in it" ...

<quote, next post>
It didn't occur to me that's what you were really wanting and there's nothing wrong with it. And ive got no problem with taking things to the next level, but its up to you.

<quote, next post>
Ive got needs too and even though I love you im going to have to move on if there's no potential for us to get back together. I have to love myself enough to do that, its nothing personal. Someday I want a family and kids and I have no idea how long it will take to find someone else who can make those dreams come true.

>>18342859
Naw. You are tripping anon.