i'm a 30yo guy which has never had a gf, is virgin, and

OP you're probably trying too hard when you meet these girls

when you meet these girls you've got to give the impression that you're just there to check out what they've got to offer, don't try to impress them or try to make yourself likeble forcing jokes or complimenting them

pretend you want to buy a used car and you fixed an appointment with the owner for a test ride

>>18314769
i'm never cocky or anything like that about any of the stuff i've mentioned above. i did mention it for the sake of context.

obviously i don't go out to meet a girl and tell her something like "i know how to cook, wanna come by my apartment later tonight?". i'm not not awkward.

i'm just a guy with not much confidence, for the obvious reasons.

i do like to compliment them when they deserve it. if i did like to hang out with them i'll make sure to let them know. just as i would like them to do the same with me. honesty above everything else, if a girl can't be honest with me i see no point in keep her close by.

is anything wrong with it?

if you can't even have a basic normal social life, how do you expect to get to the point where you're over the basic social norms and become extremely intimate with another person? there's an order to things and there's a reason the order is there. try having friends first, gf second

>>18314790
good point! i do have friends, though. they're just not as active as they were a few years ago. you know, everyone has their own life to live, gf to please, jobs to do... friendships tend to fall to 2nd and 3rd plans.

by "no social life" i meant that i don't go out for a drink, i don't go to pubs or bars. everyone seems to be carried away by their jobs (me included), and not really give life a better meaning other than having a [great] job

Lost my virginity at 24 because autism. No problems now

>>18314769
>you've got to give the impression that you're just there to check out what they've got to offer, don't try to impress them or try to make yourself likeble forcing jokes or complimenting them

This is critical. You can even get laid after telling the girl your an awkward nerd if you don't apologize for it. Just be you and stop giving a fuck. If they don't like what you are doing they will tell you or leave so stop worrying about that.

>>18314780
>obviously i don't go out to meet a girl and tell her something like "i know how to cook, wanna come by my apartment later tonight?". i'm not not awkward.
Why the fuck not? that sounds like a normal way to get laid.
>here is your flimsy excuse, lets watch netflix and chill, Its obvious to anyone we're going to bang but you don't have to be crude and say it.

>>18314790
Go fuck yourself with "Normal social life" you'll get more pussy by being atypical and liking yourself. Stop trying to "fix yourself" and start accepting yourself. Hipster chicks will line up to fuck an autist if he accepts himself because he's "so unique". Most chicks pray for a normal fag who doesn't hate himself.

Late 20's is "settle" mode. Just be forward and accept yourself.

>>18314799
Male 31, and your life is a lot like mine. Except I don't have my own apartment, just a job, greatful for that at least.. But my attempts to attract a partner are always somehow void. Tired of looking. Don't go to bars either, don't smoke, just avoid most of that because work consumes most of my time. So I try getting to know a girl at work.. nope, has a bf. Older I get, the more hope I lose. I don't use dating apps anymore, or even socialize with people on chat apps. It's just so pointless and empty, man. I rarely even develop feelings for anyone, finally when I do, another no usually.

My mom calls me to go over and visit.. I don't even wanna leave the house.. tired from work. Tired of all this shit.

>>18314747

What do you do with this girls? Do you take them out? Where?

Do you have friends to hang out? Or do you text this girls every day after the dates?

Do you feel you participate in the conversation with them? Or do you only listen? Or do you only talk?

How fast do you try to get sexual? Or quite the opposite, do you take too long to make a move?

>>18314747
tinder is the wrong place to find a gf. It's a fuck app. You match, meet, fuck and go your separate ways and do it again and again with different partners.

>>18314838

This. Not only is OP treating girls he meets on Tinder like girlfriend interviewees, he hasn't realized that online dating has changing the entire dating dynamic even outside of online venues.

Basically, OP, here's what you must do:

>Step 1: either meet qt on Tinder or in Public
>Step 2: Approach qt and confirm interest through light flirting and positive vibes.
>Step 3: Say something like "we should get together sometime, what's your schedule like?" If she's interested, she will make sure that date happens. She'll tell you her exact hours, or when she'll be free.
>Step 4: Arrange a date on the spot with a definite time and place. "I'm free Friday night OP :3" "Friday night sounds great, meet me at Okinawa Sushi at 8. What's your number by the way?"
>Step 5: Meet her on date. Have fun, hook up. Make sure to always go for a goodnight kiss, this speeds up the process. You'll either speed up the progression towards sex, or you'll speed up the progression towards getting ghosted because she's not interested. Either way it saves time. Make sure she has your number by the end of the date and then just kiss, say goodnight, and leave.
>step 6: WAIT TO HEAR FROM HER! Super important. Never text or contact a girl after a first date unless it's been over a week. If you did well on the date, 99% of girls will text you within 3 days saying how much fun they had or just say hey. This is them signalling you that they like you and want to see you again. It translates to "You did well seducing me when we went out. Arrange the next date and continue to seduce me."
>step 7: Repeat process. Arrange next date, have fun, hook up, say bye, wait to hear from her. Within a month you'll be seeing her everyday and she'll ask to be your gf within 3 months. All you must do is never initiate contact unless you don't hear from her for a week, have fun with her on dates, give her orgasms, and be patient.

>>18314838
Yeah, it's probably this.

You Op seem really fine, you do nothing wrong, and yes some people treat their partners like shit, I have no idea how come they have relationships.

>>18314819
thanks for the feedback

> You can even get laid after telling the girl your an awkward nerd if you don't apologize for it

we're not talking about getting laid. anyone can get laid these days! i would get laid every single night if i really wanted to, it's just a matter of how much i'm willing to spend on it.

it's about getting to know someone interesting enough to build a family with. i'm not into that ons shit (more on that further below). i wanna be a great dad and take care of my family. i'm not saying i'll go out the first time saying i want a child from that girl either, it's just that i do have that on the back of my mind, and if i don't get along with this girl there's no point in wasting both of our time to get laid and say goodbye.
>>18314826
i feel you... every single girl i've ever felt attracted to in person (school/jobs) had a bf.

don't smoke either, and also don't drink alcohol, and these 2 things alone mean i won't feel comfortable in most places around town. but i'm also not interested in a girl that spends most of her time in such environments anyway...
>>18314828
good questions!
let's say i meet this girl on tinder (which is my reality for the past year or so). we share some messages in there, make sure we're both into each other. after some days i'll make her jump to another platform (whatsapp/FB messenger/...). get to know her better. if i'm still into her i'll ask her out for a casual meeting, usually there's no launch/dinner involved, just going for a walk around town or something like that (just the two of us, no friends involved).

it obviously feels different from person to person. sometimes i feel like i'm the only one pushing the ship forward, other times it feels more natural.

if it goes well we'll do it again and again.

and that's where the sad part comes in. i don't develop feelings for another person that easily. i know i'm most probably on the "takes too long" side of the spectrum here.

>>18314838
you're wrong. tinder, just like any location-based app, depends a lot on the location where you use it. the interesting thing about tinder is that foreign girls come to your town, and you can clearly see that they have different expectations from their profile.

i've talked with girls that said tinder is a fuck app on their hometown and THEY said it doesn't look that bad here. and that is true. people around here (and no i'm not saying where) don't have those expectations from tinder.
>>18315071
same as above. i'm not in tinder to get laid. i'm there to meet people just like you would on the streets on bars or pubs or whatever. it's not about where you meet them, it's about who you meet.

that kind of formula you have exposed makes no sense what so ever, imo. again, expectations are different from town to town. a busy city like london has no time to waste and that may make more sense there. personally, i can't develop feelings for a girl on the first couple of times i see her. and i'm not having sex with her just for the sake of getting laid either

>>18315071

according to that formula you have there, if you're feeling like talking to that girl after 2 days and she hasn't said anything yet, you don't?

you only meet girls to get laid? you start by getting laid and then getting to know her?

makes no sense, honestly... what you have in mind when you meet a girl is "get laid" and you use this kind of formula to get there.

clearly we have different goals in life. when i get along with a girl i want to be around her, i don't want to play games and see whoever is giving up and talking first.

i might be completely wrong here, and the first post might be the proof of it, but i'm not playing those games! makes no sense to live in a shitty society that deals with people as you described.

i'd rather spend 3 months getting to know a girl than playing games with her and have no idea where it will end at.

at do you even do between step 5 and 6? do the same with other girls?!

>>18315092
>i know i'm most probably on the "takes too long" side of the spectrum here.

Do you hold them? Do you touch them in any why?

Where do you take them? Just walking round the city?

>>18314747

Sounds like you do not escalate soon enough. To get closer YOU have to get closer to her, or she'll break it off.

At least from second date onward start touching her to a level she won't deny you yet.
Shoulder, hands, at least at 3rd date go for the kiss, unless she is really conservative.

If you havn't kissed by the 3rd day a lot of modern girls will think you are a coward faggot and end it before it begun.

>>18315117

Yes you don't contact a girl two days after your first date, that shows you like her more than she likes you, which kills attraction. Sorry m8 but it's how women work.

Girls like feeling free. To let her feel free, don't smother her. In the first few stages of dating a girl, a single good morning text could kill her attraction.

I just said you're getting to know her on the date. Within the first date you should be able to get a goodnight kiss, by date 3 you should be pretty well informed on her life and she'll feel comfortable having sex with you.

It's not about getting laid it's getting girls to feel like you're their rock, not their orbiter.

>>18315174
>Yes you don't contact a girl two days after your first date, that shows you like her more than she likes you

Not OP, but dating is not a competition to see who attracts the other more. The point is not being a clingy asshole. Sending a good morning text after one date is clingy, doesn't matter how attracted she is or is not previously.

>>18315117
Between step 5 and 6 you should be having a life or yes dating other girls. Dating other girls is optional but the more girls you're taking out on dates the easier it becomes.

You should be absorbed in your hobbies between steps 5 and 6. Don't wait around for girls to text you, and if you're getting neurotic waiting it means you don't have enough going on in your life to be worthy of bf material.

If you don't hear from her in a week send her a casual "Hey how's everything?" text. If she responds positively arrange the next date. If she doesn't agree to a definite date, tell her no worries another time. Wait another week, do the same thing. Still won't set a definite date? You say "It's cool let me know when your schedule is more definite and we'll get together."

Then never text her again. Further pursuit is chasing and after two rejections is futile.

Trust me, bro. I've gone on too many online dates to remember. Last year I had five girlfriends at the same time and was getting 20 matches a day on tinder. But out of the countless dates and hookups, only three girls really had an impact on me and I had true feelings for. Keep that in mind, online dating is best for casual short term dating and sex. Long term partnerships are a rarity.

>>18315181

I never said it was a competition, you're both putting words in my mouth because it can seem cold when you talk about the dynamics of modern dating. I'm just describing patterns I've noticed in my experience. It's not a competition to see who is the needier person, I agree, but like you said it's been agreed that a good morning text too soon kills the vibe.


Give girls time and space to think about you, talk about you to their gf's, develop feelings for you...etc. In the early stages of dating this is critical.

>>18314747
I would guess you arent trying to het into their panties. The girl has to feel like you are attracted to her. It is up to you to give her that feeling.

Also increase your number on girls asked on dates. Swipe more, talk less, ask them on dates more.

>>18315117
See op, everybody has a different strategy when dating girls. Somebody plays it as power struggle game. I play it like honest person. So if i like the girl, i send her message next day. When she ghost me, i try like 2~3 more times and then i give up.

It is up to you how you will play the dating game. For me, it is
>hit the iron while it is hot
so that means smothering girl with attention until something happens.

My guess is that you are too serious / cold on dates. Try to act like horny male a little. Ask her if you can walk her home, try to hold hands with her, ask her if she will kiss you, jokingly ask her if she wants to see your butterflies collection etc.

The girl has to know you find her sexy.

Also even if you find the girl boring, apply rule
>fake it until you make it
so ask them on more dates even if 1st date was kind of disaster.

Dont lose hope.

>>18315196

This is probably the least effective dating strategy I've ever seen and probably has about the same success rate as sending girls dick pics on okcupid.

This strategy will also consume a lot of your mental energy and time. I wouldn't recommend this one to anybody.

>>18315071

This one is top notch because it's so detached. To use it though you have to be really comfortable as a single man and not in a thirsty state. I've been using almost the exact same strategy and it never fails. Meet a hot girl, arrange a date that week on the spot, meet her at the date, get to know her, kiss her goodnight, get a text from her almost always the next day, arrange the next date, repeat. I've had girls asking to be my girlfriend within a week of the first date using this strategy.

>>18315192

Thing is how you blame her for being bothered by a dude getting to comfy after only one date.

>that shows you like her more than she likes you

No, that shows you attach in a second.

>Sorry m8 but it's how women work.

No, that's how people work. Over attachment is a red flag.

Well OP I'm a girl and I think you sound like a stand up guy so far. You have a stable career that provides security and you take care of your health. So far so good but I have limited information for my analysis. This is what advice I can offer with what I know thus far. Think about what you like to do, if your not looking to just get laid but you are looking for a relationship that will last you should look at places that you could potentially meet that someone. Think about t this way if you only look at bars your going to find mostly people who drink alcohol and may be alcoholics. If you go on hikes and introduce yourself to fellow hikers your meeting people who like the outdoor like yourself. Think about what you like to do and what you are looking for and find the right environment. Then put yourself out there and take a chance. Honestly lead with a genuine compliment about the person or start a conversation about something you think they would be interested in. Make lots of eye contact and SMILE. Seriously I can't be the only one who melts when a man smiles. as long as your teeth r not yellow and rotting from tobacco your good. These steps make the conversation more relaxed. Next ask for her freaken number. Take the chance I know it's scary but you would be suprised how many women are just waiting for you to ask. That's what I got best of luck op.

File: I_know_that_feel_sharks.jpg (46KB, 500x316px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 500x316px

>>18314747
>>18314826

>>18314819
>Most chicks pray for a normal fag who doesn't hate himself.
I guess I'm forever alone then.

>>18315119
all of these things have happened before, and didn't took nowhere: light touching, dinner outside, dinner at my apartment, leaning on each other while watching tv, more touching, holding hands, caresses, light kisses on the head

>>18315148
let's assumed for a second that this is true for every girl. do you strictly follow that rule regardless of wether or not you have developed feelings for that person? because this is where i fall short.

>>18315188
> Trust me, bro.

i can't, i'm sorry... 5 gf at the same time means you're not the person i should be taking advice from.

>>18315192
>dynamics of modern dating

if this implies all the games that have been described here, i'm out. let's go back to the classic dating instead.

>>18315196
i do play the "honest game" (>>18315117 was me/op), but "fake it until you make it" does not apply there.


according to most of you, you're killing the vibe if you text her good morning. i see it as "i'm thinking about you". how is that bad after i've developed feelings for that person? not talking about 1st date here.

>>18315297
>all of these things have happened before, and didn't took nowhere: light touching, dinner outside, dinner at my apartment, leaning on each other while watching tv, more touching, holding hands, caresses, light kisses on the head

Did you try to take it somewhere?

Simple question: Have they ever rejected you, or only ignored you afterwards?

>>18315261
thanks.

> if you only look at bars your going to find mostly people who drink alcohol and may be alcoholics

this is exactly why i don't care about not feeling comfortable in those kind of places.

how do you feel about the "games" described here btw? if you enjoyed a night with a guy, would you feel bad if that guy texted you the next day or something (instead of waiting 1 week)?

>>18315306
the thing is, i'm all good with all those things. my expectations might not be the same as theirs. i'm not hoping to kiss a girl on the first date, nor the second for that matter... i'm counting on my own feelings for that person, not counting how many dates i've been on with that person.

and usually what happens is that after some dates, they just ignore me and "don't have time" so i eventually give up on them and start all over again.

meaningless relationships. that's not what i'm looking for

>>18315311
>how do you feel about the "games" described here btw?

Dude, waiting to send a text is not "playing games". If you are to desperate to wait a single day, then work on that before dating.

>start seeing girl
>she tells me 10/10 first date
>things going really awesome etc
>she has me meet her best friend and plans a trip for us out of town
>We even spent the day at fucking disneyland
>Goes away for the weekend
>goes cold on me like instantly, no more texts or snaps
>Stands me up for 3 weeks after she gets back saying shes sick and has finals
>Keeps making plans with me just to break them last minute
>Finally have to pry it out of her that she doesn't want to see me anymore
>Feel terrible ever since, thought we had something good going.

Like what the fuck, is she just bipolar? I know she didn't meet anyone else since we have mutual friends.

>>18315316
>i'm not hoping to kiss a girl on the first date, nor the second for that matter

How long does it take before they get bored, though? Two dates?

>>18315322
It suck bro but you dont wanna be that clingy dude that keeps chasing her tail wondering why she doesnt reply to you. You did everything you could and she didnt respond. Move on

>>18315333
I definitely wasn't being clingy, she kept setting things up and then canceling.

Fucking women man

>>18315311 #
>how do you feel about the "games" described here btw?
Games can be stupid. Some girls like to play them personally I think they get in the way of making a solid comnection. If I'm interested I don't want to wait for you to get your shit together and text me. A boy plays games, a man knows what he has to offer and isn't afraid to put himself out there. A woman respects that in a man. A girl plays games. But you have to make it clear that the girl your talking with is special. You can't act like your sending ten girls the same message and waiting to see who bites. Then you won't get a response because we will think you don't care. I suggest a comment like this the next day " hi --- I just wanted to thank you for a really great time
last night. I remember you mentioned you liked rock climbing and I was wondering if you would like to go with me insert date. " the purpose of this is to show you listened to her, you care about her interests, you think she is special, and you want to make some more memories. If she's not interested it's HER loss. You have to have that mentality about you. Be high on life and enjoy the ride. Make experiences and memories and enjoy your time and the girls will flock to you because they want that too.

>>18315317
it is. if you want to send a bro a text will you wait? why would you wait for a girl then? to play games...

>>18315327
some don't even get to the first one, others last longer than 3 dates... every person is different, that's why i can't tell "by the end of the 2nd date i will be ready to kiss her"

>>18315412
>personally I think they get in the way of making a solid comnection
thanks for validating my point!

> You can't act like your sending ten girls the same message and waiting to see who bites
this is still playing games imo

basically this just proves that everyone will act differently, and a formula will not help at all. unless the only thing you want is to get laid... which is a terrible life goal if you ask me, but all those teenagers must love it.

imagine what it was for me to go through teenage myself with this kind of mentality. always thinking that the people around me are not ready for something serious. still don't think i'm quite there yet...

also, fun fact: i've met a girl that has been married not long before i met her, who told me she got married hoping her boyfriend's behaviour would get better over time. guess what, it didn't. they broke up eventually. i really liked her, but she was in this mindset that would not accept any serious relationship anymore. she wanted to feel free or whatever...

I recently got in so much fucking trouble with my gf. We are argueing all day long and I am sick and tired of all that relationship shit. Now she left me because of fucking SHIT REASON.

I now feel like better no gf instead this shit all year long.

>>18315475
for science, have you followed a similar approach to what has been described here? meaning, have you two got together before properly knowing each other? was it making out and getting laid before checking if your personalities matched or the other way around?

Try to be more captivating. Most women would swipe left on me, but I have a way of communicating with people and entertaining them that hooks them in. If you had cultivated those same skills, the girls would have become even more interested after you met. Just work on developing your personality, for your own sake. It's a process that takes like twenty or so years at least

>>18315470
>some don't even get to the first one, others last longer than 3 dates

So it's not the same problem with all of this girls.

If you want to talk about dating etiquette, then ignore those that never date you. I mean, it's pretty logical, but you don't seem to be doing that.

>every person is different, that's why i can't tell "by the end of the 2nd date i will be ready to kiss her"

The point is not the second date. You were the one using that number. My question was: Do you ever try to escalate things? Of course each person is different, I mean, they take different amounts of time to get bored. But if you never make a move, then start thinking about making one.

>>18315584
it would sound really weird if i'd say that "i never get the chance to make a move", so i'm going to explain it first, even though i've already done so.

> i meet a girl
> we get along
> text some more and set the next date
> repeat

some of you guys apparently feel comfortable enough to make a move right from the start. i don't. i need my time, and it depends from person to person. and yes, i've noticed that a few times before a girl has lost interest even before i've had made up my mind.

so yes, you have a point about me not making a move. not because i don't want to, but because i don't always get to that point of having a girl waiting for me to make a move.

>>18315322
She lost interest after the initial infatuation stage and was too chickenshit to break it off (most people are). Instead she rapidly distanced herself from you and figured it would work itself out eventually.

>>18315622
>but because i don't always get to that point of having a girl waiting for me to make a move.

I don't make a move in the first few dates either. I also don't understand what you mean in the quote above.

You don't get to the point where you can make the move? Of course, that's perfectly normal, sometimes the girl decides to stop trying before we feel comfortable enough to make a move.

But: Do you ever feel comfortable enough to make a move? Have you ever gotten to that point?

>>18315287
I forgot it was mothers day and decided to visit her. I didn't even know it was mothers day. She felt like shit before I got here.

life..

>>18315660
i have. between rejections and fear of getting rejected again i tend to delay it much more than i would like to. don't know why i do it to be honest...

>>18314747
I'm looking for nipples in that pic but I can't find any
I think I am lonely

>>18315780
you have all the info you might possibly need in that pic to see nipples if you really want to

>>18315804
I can only get off to porn if it's posted on a SFW 4chan board.

>>18315807
fair enough.

so, a conclusion to this thread would be:
apparently most girls like to be treated like shit and most guys like to help them to achieve that.

unfortunately for the sane, this is no game us.

personally, i'd like to meet someone that would feel safe around me, not because i'm violent to anyone that gets close to her, but because she trusts me (and you can't get trust from just a few dates).

someone that makes my quirks seem more appealing, someone i could help, someone who knows i can help her, someone who feels the need to be around me as much as i feel the need to be around her (not playing "let's see who talks first" games).

if at 30 years of age i still can't find someone with the same goals in life, maybe it's time to move on and accept that we are born and we die alone.

Has anybody ever thought that the reason he had tons of girlfriends is because he's charming for a little while and has good pick up game, but after a short while the women leave, so he has to get another?

Women are initially attracted to his confidence, but he has no staying power. He has tons of girlfriends because he can't keep any of then.

>>18314747
What's your job

>>18315852

I was posting those guides and my last relationship lasted four years. I have had a lot of girlfriends because I'm only 23 and prioritizing my career and dreams.

>>18315943
I'm a developer (not going to go into specifics here, for privacy reasons)

>>18315949
I don't think focusing on your career and dreams is the reason why you've had that many gf. That's what I've been doing since forever and it obviously didn't had that result. So you're either above average on looks (which would explain the attraction girls have on you), or you're not actually prioritising your businesses

>>18315959
I understand. I'm thinking about going the computer science route so it's nice to know you like it.

Good luck getting a gf. My advice is to work on yourself and don't worry about it. That way even if you don't find one you'll be better off, but at the same time you'll increase your attractiveness and become a lot more interesting.

>>18316045
That's exactly what I've been doing for 30 years now! Not spending time with gfs means I had plenty of time to learn everything I needed to, including cooking and all that stuff.

What I think I lack is the attractiveness factor. Some guys around here have the attractiveness factor but lack the overall attributes to keep a girl around. I, on the other hand, seem to be lacking the skill to attract them. Either that or I'm just completely wrong.

> computer science
It doesn't matter how much I like it. There are people doing paper work all day and seem to like it. Find something you love to do and stick to it, eventually you'll be so good you'll get job offers every week.
If only some of those job offers would turn into potentially interesting girls...

I guess it's clear now what I've been doing for the past years

>>18314826
I'm only 22 but in a similar situation and I thought I had it bad. My condolences, anon.