This is a really long post. If you're looking to help, I

>>18307521
She doesn't really have a life outside of me. She has no friends, her family is scattered throughout the country, nowhere near our state, and she doesn't really have any hobbies. I've tried several times to get her to socialize or to pick up new hobbies, but she never sticks with any of them (though she does like watching some anime now). I can never feel relaxed around her. This may be selfish, but she's got a lot of anxiety problems, and frequently has panic attacks. there's always something we have to do/buy to make our lives better, and I'm always taking things too slow, whatever it may be. The relationship, getting another pet, buying a new desk to replace an old one, trying some new $100 a month membership for skin products etc. Speaking of which, while she's got debts, she's also not great with money. Her family's always been poor, and since she's been dating me, she's been buying nicer things in general, almost all on my money. If she wants a new book, CD, movie, clothing, most of the time it will be me paying for it. Also, I pay for every single meal. Not just on dates, I pay for all the groceries, I pay for every snack, I pay for every time we go out, even if it's just to McDonald's or something. I just want to be able to look at her and relax, feel happy to see her. I can't ever do that. I just feel responsibility, crippling debt, and emotions I have to tend to.

Also, in general, I never saw myself getting married until my later 20's or early 30's. I'm 21 right now, and getting married sounds like signing away years of having fun and going places with friends or by myself, signing away any and all time to myself, and signing away financial freedom. Like I said, my girlfriend seems overly dependent on me emotionally, and she can't handle being alone for long. She's told me this, and I've tried to be understanding. I'm sure I could be doing better, but it makes the relationship and just spending time with her exhausting. (2/6)

>>18307526
I'm really introverted, and she just doesn't understand alone time. Not to mention she has trust issues since other boyfriends have cheated on her in the past. She regularly goes through my internet history and checks my texts. In return, she tells me I can go through her texts and internet history, but I don't care to, I don't feel like I should have to. This just makes her feel more suffocating.

Some of you might say this is just cold feet for marriage, and that's understandable. However, I've had most of these feelings for a lot of the relationship, in which case, this post really isn't about marriage so much, but just the relationship in general. I would've broken up with her by now, and we did at the beginning of last year. She became really depressed for the next several months, more than normal. She's tried committing suicide before, so this really scared me. Also, instead of getting a part time job like a normal college kid, she literally fucking sold herself as a sugar baby for money from old guys; I really wish I could say I was kidding. I ended up getting back together with her mostly out of fear that she would hurt or kill herself without me. For the first 2 months, I told myself I was really happy and this is how it should be, but I just wasn't happy. Well, ever since we got back together, I've stuck by her because she has no friends and no family anywhere near her to go to. Hell, I'm her emergency contact for her job and school. I've always been scared to death that without me, she'll die or drop out of college and become a fucking prostitute. She's told me multiple times that if we weren't dating, she would've starved by now because her family won't help her out and she won't look for a part time job because she says "I'm in college." (3/6)

>>18307532
We've gotten into some arguments about commitment, and the subject of breaking up did get mentioned a couple of times. Each time this happened, my girlfriend broke down crying hysterically and then went into a panic attack. This just confirms my fear that she can't function without me. This fear has been the reason behind pretty much everything I've done in the relationship for the past year. I bought a $4000 engagement ring and proposed to my girlfriend not out of love, but out of fear that she would die if I didn't. Not saying that's her fault, because I made that decision, but that's where I'm at right now.

I'm making my girlfriend out to be this horrible person, but she's really not. Like I said earlier, she's a wonderful person. When we met, coincidentally we were both really depressed and in bad points in our life. She helped me out of my depression and always accepted me even at my worst. She's smart, she's funny, she's so kind it hurts, and we can get along great. Also, while I've said all these things about not really being much into my girlfriend, she worships me. She tells me multiples times a day that she's lucky to have me, that she thinks about me all day, she does anything she can for me just so I'll be happy. The reasons I don't want to be with her boil down to her being clingy as fuck throughout our relationship and being very high-strung/never able to relax kind of person, as well as massive dependence on me. This in turn has me feeling completely responsible for her emotions and happiness as well as responsibility for her financial situation. This makes me feel suffocated and tied to someone that doesn't make me happy anymore. I feel like if we had stayed broken up before we got back together, we would have both been in a better place, she probably would've moved to her mom and changed schools and been better off. (4/6)

>>18307534
But now, that it's been 2 years and we're engaged, it feels so fucked up not wanting to be with her. I'm crushing her biggest dream just for myself. she didn't even do anything fucking wrong, it's all me. I want to break up with her because I don't want to settle down for another several years, I want to date a few more people before I settle down, and I want to be with someone who's not so goddamn dependent on me for everything and so high-strung. I could be throwing away the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm not saying I want someone to be totally detached and distant. I appreciate her being there a lot of the time. It's just that she's there so much she can't give me room to be a person and she can't regulate her own emotions half the time.

I think a big part of the reason she's so dependent on me is because she has a really fucked past in some ways. She's had several relationships before this, and most of them abused her in some way. One boyfriend constantly belittled her and told her she'd be better off dead, one boyfriend raped her, and one boyfriend moved away without telling her and she found him on facebook several months later living on the other side of the country.

The thing is, this is my first long term relationship, and I have little experience with women. All of these things I'm complaining about may not be bad things, they may just be how relationships are supposed to be, and I'm just too selfish, I don't fucking know. I may be too selfish for relationships in general, and I'm terrified of that. So far, I feel like women are just too needy and too immature to spend your entire life with. They either depend on you for everything, or they won't so much as look your way (this was how my first girlfriend was). Maybe I'm just too introverted to be with women. (5/6)

>>18307541
I'd like to believe I'm not, but if it requires sacrificing personal hobbies, not having any financial freedom, not having free time, having to be responsible for your emotions and hers, always being with someone you know should make you happy but just takes too much work so you resent them for replacing your friends and family as the most important person in your life, I just don't feel like it's worth it. And, of course, I realize the irony of it, that if someone was hiding all of this from me for so long, I would be fucking devastated and it would probably fuck me up for awhile. Still, just because I don't love her doesn't mean I don't care about her. I want her to be happy. She's happy with me, and everyone I know including my family says we're great together. And if the only other option is her dead, I might as well be unhappy.

Regardless, since I don't see any way out of this for the time being, my plan for the next several years is to marry her, stay with her until she graduates from grad school and gets a job, and then divorce her. She will be sad from the divorce, but I will most likely then be responsible for paying off her college debt, or at least helping her pay it off. This way, she won't have to worry about this debt all on her own, she'll hopefully have a few friends by then, and she'll be ok, and I can at least have time to actually be a person; hang out with friends, read or play video games or pick back up martial arts or do what I want to do without being chained to someone and their fragile emotions. It sounds fucked up, and it probably is, but I don't see any other way to do this without her killing herself. Again, I am certain that without me for the next several years, she WILL die or kill herself. (6/6)

>>18307543
I know this is a lot, thanks for reading if you did. So am I just being delusional about this, thinking that I would be better off without her? Everyone I've talked with about this before has said we're great together and that I shouldn't break up with her. If I shouldn't, I'll stick to the "marry for several years then divorce and help her pay off her debts" plan. Is there anything I can do to stop this and peacefully break up with her before we get married and her not kill herself/not be dangerously depressed and alone?

I understand, some people become parasites like that.
What about asking a psychologist?
>Marrying at 21
AHAHHAHAHAHAHA

>>18307556
If I even tried to get in touch with a psychologist or counselor, that would be huge red flag to my gf.

>>18307561
Just go for yourself, you actually feel bad about it.
You're building your own private hell.

>>18307570
I'll make her life hell if I leave. I'd rather me be unhappy than her be unhappy.

>>18307579
Why did you accept the marriage then?

>>18307579
>I'll make her life hell if I leave.

You are denying her the possibility of ever finding someone who actually wants to be with her. She will find out you're just pretending, and even if she doesn't, there will be some bitter taste about the relationship that she wouldn't have to deal with if she had someone that didn't need to pretend to love her.

>>18307579
To keep her happy.

>>18307591
This may be true, but she's always told me she's never been happier in her life than when she's with me. And as long as I just fake it, she'll be safe. It sucks, but again, she'll turn to prostitution or kill herself if I leave, so this is a good alternative.

>>18307600
>And as long as I just fake it, she'll be safe.

Until she realizes that you two aren't continuously growing closer together and there's something keeping you apart. Trust me dude, you can only realistically fake feelings for so long. She's going to pick up that something's off. How do you know she'll become a prostitute or kill herself if you leave?

>>18307616
-We broke up last year for a few months, and during that time, she actually started escorting. -In highschool, one boyfriend dumped her in a humiliating way and she tried to commit suicide by taking a shit ton of pills.
-That's probably true, I just don't know if there's anything I can do anymore.

>>18307629
Why not let her?

>>18307637
Because she was extremely depressed and seemed suicidal during that time.

>>18307629
Why is her happiness more important than yours? Why is it okay to let her spent the rest of her life never feeling the level of happiness that comes from someone who actually wants to be with her, while you also pay the price of faking emotions and pretending to be in love with her for the rest of your life?

You're not a bad person for not wanting to be with her. Someone could look like a 10/10 on paper, and then you meet them and the chemistry's just not there. Sometimes you start off loving them fiercely, and then it just fades. It's not your fault. Why do you have such tremendous guilt?

Idk you might just be screwed. but if i were in your position i would have a real talk with her and tell her your feelings

>>18307645
Her happiness is more important than mine because when we started dating, I was depressed and had major self esteem issues. She's the biggest factor that helped me in realizing I'm a good person and helped me become confident in life. I've always felt that for me to leave her, especially when she has the same kind of depression problems, when I could be repaying her in helping her become happy, would be spitting in her face and betraying her in the worst possible way.

Okay OP, you kinda put yourself in a real awkward situation here. First of all, you're right, it doesn't sound like she is being malicious towards you or trying to hurt/stress you out on purpose. It's unfortunate that this is where your relationship has headed and I feel for you. First off, she should not be that dependent on you. You're both adults and she should pull her weight, which it doesn't sound like she is doing. She should contribute to the finances, especially if it is not something that she NEEDS. Skin products, nights out, whatever else you said are not things you guys absolutely need. Sure, she's in college, but that means then that she can't do those things if she really can't afford it. That's part of the responsibility of being your own individual. Neither of you really sound emotionally stable enough to get married, either. I understand that she has been through a lot, but that does excuse her entire reliance on you. Speaking from experience on your end (tldr), my ex boyfriend was entirely dependent on me emotionally and would obsess over my every move out of fear of me cheating on him. I never cheated, never gave him reason to think I would, but since his ex cheated on him he though he needed to be excessively vigilant. That kind of reliance is exhausting alone, not to mention complete financial responsibility too That's not okay for her to be checking your history either. Maybe over time she will relax a bit on that, and you sound like a reasonably mature guy so just don't give her reason to not trust you if you do end up staying. Don't just marry her for her sake. Those will be years you will lose on your own life that you will never get back, and it's completely understandable that you don't want to settle down yet. I'd recommend you guys go to couples therapy or something? Just sit her down and explain what you did here, and say you think it would be best to call off the wedding.

>>18307660
She's happy only because she doesn't know your true feelings. She thinks she's happy, but if she knew the real you and your real feelings, she would be sad. How is leaving her betraying her, yet constantly lying to her being loyal? How does seeing her looking at you and knowing she thinks you truly care about her, when you don't (not in the way she wants) not feel like spitting in her face to you?

Also first initial pls lol

>>18307521

This does not seem like a good position for you m8. What exactly are you getting out of it? I really don't think you are being selfish because you are unhappy being someone's fucking life support. That's not your purpose in life, anon. Also not all women are like this. Your fiance is extremely damaged to say the least, no offense. And it really shouldn't be your responsibility.

If she threatens to kill herself, unfortunately you're going to have to get professional help for her and bring her to a psych ward or mental hospital where she can get the help she needs. You cannot be on suicide watch for her life. It's hers not yours! Plus think about it this way, all her "other boyfriends" jumped ship for a reason. And maybe you don't want to be as abrupt as they were but you owe it to yourself and your happiness to find a way to leave her so you can have your life back again.