Was I was in the right here? I'm so tired of being stepped

You showed zero empathy and just tried to wave the issue away by offering some nonsense solution. You're a shit friend.

>>18306454
no he's not. you obviously don't ever deal with people like op's friend. can you not obviously read between the lines? first this person is asking for money (like a coward, without saying it outright) and then for a ride. It's the hallmark of someone who thinks they are charismatic and a master manipulator when in reality they are so transparent and Op is just trying to avoid the "request" subtly without straight up saying no, since this cowards methods are indirect, and if op were to answer directly, the coward would have the ability to act accordingly ("i'm sorry i can't help out" "what?? you thought i was asking for help? i'm not a charity case, etc."). cowards, man.

>>18306472
Just realized that OPs friend is a woman, i guess she gets some slack for acting that way since women are just naturally cowardly/manipulative. So op, this should have been expected.

>>18306454
I think the OP's in white. Though I agree, orange is a turd. Fuck 'em.

>>18306427
>>18306435

Sometimes people want to unwind, not solutions. Even if you were right, that's not what she wanted. She probably can make it with the money she has, she just wanted a sympathetic ear. Also, people aren't up for rational planning when they are mad.

I know you said she makes more than you as a way to cheer her up. I bet you were going for "Look, I make less than you and I live, have hope!" or something like that. But again, she has kids and shit, and even if you were right, she was mad. She wanted to get it off her chest.

>>18306485

In chats like those, doesn't the user usually show on the right? I think OP is orange.

This is OP. I am the orange. I wasn't sure if she was asking for money, but she knows I have a large supply of savings.

>>18306493
That doesn't make it okay to berate me. If she wanted someone to listen to her, then that's fine, but I think it's shitty to call me rude for giving her advice that's logical.

>>18306427
White is clearly in the wrong.

Sure, orange is not being the best shoulder to lean on or whatever, but they are clearly trying to be supportive, even if it is in just tossing out ideas to fix the problem and keep things light.

White is just salty and making the mistake of confusing "YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL BAD!" with "you're actually being bad." They're not the same.

>>18306498
"Well you still make that amount despite your bills" pretty douchey thing to say bud.
Well I'm a millionaire despite the fact that I'm not. Sheeit.

>>18306501
She was probably just pissed off. If it was me I would have just said sorry and fucked right out of that conversation. Unless I was pissed off too. But then I don't know the full context of the convo either

File: 1486883236239.jpg (86KB, 462x526px) Image search: [Google]

86KB, 462x526px

>>18306454
Well fuck me if it's a nonsense solution to reach out to friends who can drive you to a food bank when you are starving.

>>18306501

She didn't want logical advice. You were being insensitive. And she was mad.

Of course it's not fair to have her anger directed at you, but what did you expect? You were not there for her. Next time, don't reply. No one wants "logic" when they are feeling down. And that's even assuming you are right. Maybe she really can't ask Eric and you just made it worse by touching a soft spot. Dude, I know you are angry right now, but you gotta swallow your pride and admit a single mother might flip her marbles every once in a while.

>>18306515
She misunderstood me. I was trying to explain that she makes more than me, but she has more expenses than me (like a child). aka her annual income is higher than mine.

Probably a poor time to do that, but I shouldn't have to tip toe around her. She's an adult who should be able to handle being told shes wrong.

>>18306509
Hmm? White doesn't get into orange for not giving support, white gets into it because of the part where orange implies she has more disposable income. She doesn't say orange is bad for not doing something, but she does - rightly - point out orange is being rude. A douche.

>>18306529
So every time she comes to me looking for support, I should just not respond? I mean I want to help, but maybe I'm not the right person to go to for support. I don't like how she treats me when I try to help her during these times.

We're certainty different people, because when things are going to shit the bed the first thing I do is work out solutions to the problem. Then I freak out after.

>>18306535
I'm not saying that she has a more disposable income. Where did I suggest that? I said that she makes more money than me.

>>18306532
Disposable income is the important metric. Yes, it was a bad time. Yes, either one of you could've dealt with this like adults. Her by not escalating over your poor timing of explaining her situation to her... Quite possibly because you think you know better than her, who knows... You by not getting pissy back. Or posting some rando tard piss fight to this board.

Yes, you had poor timing. One could even call it rude.

>>18306532
Man money's tight for her and she just got cut off of food stamps, that's something nobody wants to hear. She was in an emotional state, it happens to people, it happens to you sometimes. Anything somebody says when it's obvious they're pissed off or scared by some external factor, you shouldn't take personal, because it isn't about you. In this case it's about her money problems. My boss gets pissed off at me on the job all the time and it's always conveniently right after something goes horribly wrong for us. By this point I know it isn't about me.

>>18306552
I see. Well I'll let her know that I genuinely didn't mean to put her in a place that made her feel like I knew more than her, and mention that it wasn't the time to bring up something like that. I could and should have been more sensitive to my friend. Thanks.

>>18306535
I guess we just see two different things here.

I see White coming to Orange to vent about a difficult life situation. Orange, is arguably insensitive in highlighting that White's income still seems like a lot to him despite it not amounting to much in the big scheme of things, but he's still expressing concern by offering solutions.

I think it would be extreme to call his response rude given that he clearly was trying to at least somewhat offer help. He was clearly not trying to be insulting or even dismissive, White is just coming to him with some really heavy shit that frankly would make most people uncomfortable to talk about via text and I take his response as a (misguided) attempt at being supportive while probably feeling like "wtf do you want me to say?"

And it's fine if your friend falls short in offering you the kind of support you wanted, but you don't fucking cop an attitude with them because of it. It's like someone buying you a gift and then bitching at them that it's not exactly what you wanted.

I think he's right in saying that she's taking her feelings out on him.

>>18306542
>I don't like how she treats me when I try to help her during these times.

Because she needs something else. So yeah, if you can't give her what she needs, then don't reply. Tell her you are busy. Say you want to help, but don't know how and you notice you make it worse, so she shouldn't reach out to you for this kind of advice.

>because when things are going to shit the bed the first thing I do is work out solutions to the problem. Then I freak out after.

Prove it. Solve this problem instead of bitching around here

>>18306529
>Of course it's not fair to have her anger directed at you, but what did you expect? You were not there for her.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding you. Are you saying it's understandable that someone gets mad at you when you attempt to help them but it isn't the kind of help they need?

Because that's ridiculous to me. I agree that it's totally reasonable to FEEL angry, but it's on you to recognize that help in any form is well-intentioned and not something anyone is obligated to offer you.

My dad is a man of pure logic who attacks any problem like it's a science project. He's emotionally retarded. But somewhere along the line I accepted that that was him and it was how he expressed a desire to help me and that I was being an ungrateful little shit for being mad that he wasn't understanding that I didn't want his logic at that moment and that it was on me to know what were situations to bring to him and what weren't, not his job to change for my sake.

>>18306583
>but it's on you to recognize that help in any form is well-intentioned

This is completely misguided. People often try to do the "right thing," but the way they come off is completely subjective. If I say "Sorry for your loss," even though a common term, most people would know you most people would take it as act of politeness. However if you said "Well that kind of sucks." It would come off more rude, even if it was just as well intended as the previous statement.

The way you speak is subjective, and makes everyone feel a different way.
OP came across as rude and unsympathetic to his friend, instead of saying something along the lines of "Hey I'm not trying to get into a heated argument over text, I am sorry you're feeling this way, maybe we can call later and try to go over this a bit after we've cooled off?" - OP also lashed out at his friend.

Again no matter how well intended something may be, the way you word something is very much important and can come across in many different ways.
It is up to the person who receives it to understand your intention, but it is also up to you to do your best to help the person perceive your intentions as good.

Wow all you anon is saying it's OK forr white to lash out at orange because white was upset, as if that's some kind of excuse!

I'm confused. They said they have a 20k salary and it mostly goes into Child Support and ihss but then later says that they are the one with the child and the father is the one who is supposed to be paying child support. Are both parents paying child support as the child is living with somebody else such as a grandparent?

>>18306607
Sorry for the typos, my computer is a piece of shit.

>most people would know you most people would take it as act of
I meant, "most people would take it as an act of kindness/politness."


And as a final note, just because your dad was autistic doesn't mean you should be as well.

>>18306619
I think she pays child support and also receives child support because one of the kids lives with an ex boyfriend and that child was taken from her.

>>18306614
It is an excuse, I don't know if you've ever had a friend before, but I'm 100% sure you've never had a child before.
Things happen, people get upset when they shouldn't - that's what makes us human after all, being imperfect and having illogical feelings and or thoughts from time to time.
Was white right for acting the way they did based solely on the context we were given? Not completely, orange did come off as insensitive and douchey. But if you add more context and the fact that orange posted this shitty argument on here, not in the pretense of "How do I fix this?" but as "LOL WAS I RIGHT?" Then you have the right to infer that orange is kind of a fucking douchebag and probably an insensitive twat often.

>>18306619
I was also confused about this.

>>18306607
All that is true, but that's just the nature of the inherent shortcomings of miscommunication. Things get lost in translation and we do our best to reach whatever degree of understanding is possible.

But the point remains that the matter at hand is not about whether or not OP could have been clearer that he was attempting to help, but that the friend was VERY clear that not only did she fail to appreciate those intentions, but that she felt it was appropriate to blatantly insult and disrespect him, which is the line that is not being crossed when someone (like you said) unintentionally comes off as rude.. That puts her in the wrong imo,

>>18306643
Again, as you and I have just said, miscommunication is key here.
Although OP was trying to help, the friend obviously did not feel that way, and it came off as rude to her - as know it all, and insensitive. I don't know if i'd say she BLATANTLY disrespected OP, but she did insult him - because she felt insulted.

Everything here is completely due to miscommunication. Which is a clear indicator of why you should never text about serious things because you lose some of the most important parts communication, facial expression and tone.
I feel they are both in the wrong.

>>18306709
>Although OP was trying to help, the friend obviously did not feel that way, and it came off as rude to her - as know it all, and insensitive. I don't know if i'd say she BLATANTLY disrespected OP, but she did insult him - because she felt insulted.
>but she did insult him - because she felt insulted

Exactly, which brings us full circle back to my original point.

>White is just salty and making the mistake of confusing "YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL BAD!" with "you're actually being bad." They're not the same.

Feeling insulted is not the same as being insulted. Misunderstandings happen and her feelings weren't entirely unreasonable, but her actions were. Period. "I FELT MAD SO I YELLED AT/INSULTED/HIT/(whatever) YOU" is not an excuse. Just that simple.

>>18306734
That is very true, very valid point.
As I said this is why you don't text about serious topics.

>>18306427
You have to realize that when women whine about their problems they aren't actually looking for solutions.

Being factually right doesn't matter in a conversation with a woman. I am wondering why you even bother entertaining a single mom anyways.

If you actually want to keep that friendship going then just tune your brain off when she starts whining about bullshit and just randomly agree on shit and that's that.

Ignore, distract and pacify.

>>18306529

Chiming in to this thread to say fuck you, fuck you specifically. Never give advice on this board you absolute trainwreck of a person

>No one wants "logic" when they are feeling down

What an absolute nonsensical thing to say. The woman wasn't feeling down, she was saying she can't afford food. Someone in that situation WOULD want logic and practical solutions, not a fucking pat on the back.

You are fucking retarded

>>18306854
Not that guy but that's just not how women work. If she was looking for advice she would have just asked where to find some food for cheap / free.
Women don't want solutions when they whine, that's just how they operate.

i don't even buy this "OP was trying to help" bullshit

i honestly think OP didn't really give a fuck. his friend was lamenting about her problems and he was like

>WELP LOL YOU STILL MAKE MORE THAN ME
>actually i'm still struggling
>Y-yeah well at least you make that much

there is nothing helpful or compassionate about this OP was just not taking it seriously at all when she was expressing her frustrations. what he said is easily interpreted as dismissive and that's the way she took it. it's probably a misunderstanding and I'm not saying OP was being a dick intentionally but drop this bullshit narrative like anything he did or said was actually remotely "helpful"

>>18306568
this

>>18306501
>That doesn't make it okay to berate me. If she wanted someone to listen to her, then that's fine, but I think it's shitty to call me rude for giving her advice that's logical.


HOOOOOOOOLY SHIT FOUND THE AUTIST GUIZ

OP, got any exemples of you being stepped on before ?

>>18306529
>Women don't want "logic" when they are feeling down, or ever.

ftfy.

not wanting logic, lashing out at people in anger and blaming others for your own feelings is not how women work, it's how shitty people work
Don't enable this with anyone, male or female, if you consider them friends

>>18306427
Fuck her, she flipped the lid for nothing. She was just emotional and wanted to rant. Don't let this make you feel bad for a second

>>18306915
>not wanting logic, lashing out at people in anger and blaming others for your own feelings is not how women work, it's how shitty people work
>Don't enable this with anyone, male or female, if you consider them friends

True, but you'll stop being friends soon enough if you're not an enabler. They tend to cluster in 'loser packs', so if you stick out from the pack, you'll get trashed talked behind your back and eventually discarded.

>>18306888
this

>>18306936
>True, but you'll stop being friends soon enough if you're not an enabler
.
Maybe I'm lucky and have good friends, but I only lost one friend this way.

>>18306988
Like I said, they tend to cluster in loser packs.

I've seen that side of the tracks. Its like an echo chamber of misery and "its not my fault, muh dad/economy/etc".